When Someone Lashed Out At Me During One Of My 12 Step Leads…

Sometimes I really think that the darkness of this world, or maybe even beyond this world, is always trying to find ways to snuff the light out in any way it can from those doing their best to bring light to others. I feel like I experienced this firsthand during one of my 12 Step presentations recently at a residential housing program for recovering alcoholics and addicts where my only purpose was to bring light to those there.

Whenever I do a 12 Step recovery lead, it’s typically for an hour, where I begin with my journey talking about the dysfunctional childhood I had with addicted parents. I next move on to discussing how I fell into addiction with alcohol and drugs. I move on from there talking about the many addictions I fell into after I found sobriety from them. And finally, I conclude by sharing the life of recovery I’ve been doing my best to live over the past decade. I was close to the end of one of these leads recently at one of the addiction programs I volunteer at here in Toledo, Ohio, when suddenly a voice cried out in the room in front of me this…

“I don’t like you man! You’re full of ego and arrogance. I don’t like you one bit! I think you’re full of sh$$!!!”

I’ve probably shared my personal testimony of addiction to recovery easily over 1000 times now and never once have had any outburst like that…ever. Truly, I was shocked, taken aback, and really didn’t know what to say.

Whenever I do 12 Step leads nowadays, it’s never about ego or arrogance. In fact, it’s the exact opposite, where I level any pride and ego and talk about how much I had to lose to gain my heart back and a more selfless nature. Sharing about the crazy upbringing I had with addiction, getting both molested and bullied along the way, watching both of my parents die by terrible tragedies of their own making, then losing most of the money they left me due to my selfish and addictive nature, I would never classify what I share in my leads as coming from ego or arrogance.

Thankfully, many of the 30-something people who remained after that outburst told me afterwards, they felt nothing of the sort and offered me reassurance of how much it helped them. But, by that point, I was deep in my head. Why? Because, I used to be a very prideful, arrogant, and egotistical individual, who couldn’t walk in a room because I lived with such a fat head, always thinking I was better than most. I tend to think the opposite these days, and find myself more than not, putting myself down, struggling to love myself unconditionally, mostly because I don’t have employment and continue to battle so many health issues.

Nevertheless, after this man’s outburst, I really did question myself, wondering why I was continuing to do this work, because being on the receiving end of something like that frankly sucked. Of course, my ego wanted to engage before that man had fully left the room. But all I said was I’m sorry he felt that way and that my story was truly one coming from humility. While I may battle from time to time with ego thinking I should be better off than I am, if there’s one thing I can say for sure about my 12 Step leads is that it most assuredly is a humbling, pride-leveling, action for me each time I stand in front of a group of strangers, sharing about how much I “f$$ked my life up” due to my seriously addictive nature.

In the end I became thankful for this man’s outburst, because I learned later that much of the PTSD I’ve worked through was the very same PTSD this individual continues to battle, falling into drug addiction to cope. I know that place oh so very well, and pray this man finds healing one day from it all in the 12 Steps and with a Higher Power’s help.

As for all the darkness that’s out there, you can say what you want about me, but truly, I am going to keep doing my 12 Step leads, as I do them from my heart and for God, and I know it’s helping others, even if you find one person to throw shade at me, trying to convince me otherwise…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A native American went hunting one day in Oklahoma and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn’t like American Indians. The game warden ordered to the Indian to show his hunting license, and the Indian pulled out a valid Oklahoma hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from Oklahoma. This is a Kansas duck. You got a Kansas huntin’ license?” The Indian reached into his wallet and produced a Kansas hunting license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Kansas duck. This duck’s from Arkansas. You got a Arkansas license?” The Indian reached into his wallet and produced an Arkansas hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Arkansas duck. This here duck’s from South Carolina. You got a South Carolina huntin’ license?” Again the Indian reached into his wallet and brought out a South Carolina hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the Indian, “Just where the hell are you from anyway?” The Indian turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, “You tell me, expert…”

Silly Joke #2

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment: shave, shampoo, manicure and haircut, he placed the boy in the chair. Then he said, “I’m going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” When the boy’s haircut was completed and the man still hadn’t returned, the barber said, “Looks like your daddy’s forgotten all about you.” “That wasn’t my daddy,” said the boy. “He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, ‘Come on, son, we’re gonna get a free haircut’.”

Silly Joke #3

A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name. ‘Fred,’ he replies. ‘Fred what?’ the officer asks. ‘Just Fred,’ the man responds. The officer is in a good mood and says he’ll give the biker a break and just give him a warning if he can give a good reason for only having a first name. The biker responds, “I used to have a last name but lost it. It’s a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.  Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.” The officer then walked back way laughing uncontrollably giving him the warning as promised…

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

A couple are playing in the annual golf club championship. They are playing in a play off hole and it is down to a 6 inch putt that the wife has to make. She takes her stance and her husband can see her trembling. She putts and misses, they lose the match. On the way home in the car her husband is fuming, “I can’t believe you missed that putt! That putt was no longer than my ‘willy’.” The wife just looked over at her husband and smiled and said, “Maybe so dear, but it was much harder!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Question For The Day

Today’s question is…

What is one unhealthy habit/trait/behavior you picked up since the COVID pandemic began?

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson


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