Embracing My Intensity

The number one thing that people have often told me is how intense of a person I can be. Intense in my demeanor, intense in my conversations, intense in my spiritual walk, yup, that about sums it up. And yes, I completely agree, because I am intense and that’s ok, but for some it’s not, as I’ve experienced over the past five years or so.

While plenty of people simply like to hang out and just keep the topics of conversation loose and as far from serious as possible, I tend to be bored when that happens. Like I am when conversations surround sexual banter, political dissent, judgments about people in general, or on what money has allowed someone to experience.

Frankly, none of that interests me anymore, although at one point I must admit it did.

Nowadays though, what I enjoy talking about the most are things that many have said are too intense for them like holistic healing modalities, the mind/body connection, energetic climatic shifts, God “coincidences”, strange cultural changes I’ve been noticing in the world, etc. And to be perfectly honest, I’m also that type of guy who likes to really talk about feelings and emotions when hanging out with someone.

Except, none of that seems to be what many others enjoy doing when hanging out. Take for example when I go see a movie with a friend. While I like to reflect upon how it affected me spiritually, most of them only like to say whether they enjoyed it or not and leave it at that.

Does that make me an intense person, maybe so?

Or maybe it’s because I’m a man of integrity and return phone calls and messages promptly and want my friends to do the same.

Or maybe it’s because I enjoy talking about God a lot no matter where I am or what I’m doing and like when my friends do as well?

Or maybe it’s because I give very strong eye contact to those I spend time with and ask questions that are personal and not superficial and hope my friends do the same with me?

The reality is that it could be all of these things that make me an intense person or none of them. I don’t know precisely what it is that makes people say I’m an intense person, but I accept that I am and I know it’s not for everyone. Usually I find that out when people stop contacting me to make plans and don’t return my calls anymore. Because each time I’ve pushed the issue to find out why that’s happening, I’ve learned the answer is always the same, that I’m too intense for them.

Well, that’s ok. Because I am who I am. Sure, I could lower my vibration and talk about sex like I used to. I could talk about tops and bottoms and other sexual positions, but where did that get me? Nowhere but acting out regularly in addiction and feeling completely empty feeling in life.

And sure, I could talk about things like President Trump or any of the prior presidents with disdain and complain about the state of the nation, but where did that get me. Nowhere but feeling only more negative in this world that’s already filled with too much of that.

And let’s not forget about money. I could talk for hours and hours about what money has afforded me in the past, and all the places I’ve been to, and all the things I accumulated, yet doing so only ever caused me to covet more in life, especially the things others had done that I hadn’t yet.

So yes, my life has totally shifted to a much more intense type of person. One who cares about being spiritually healthy in both my words and all my day to day actions. And if that’s too intense for someone to hang out with me, I’m becoming more and more ok with that.

Because frankly, I want to be around those who spiritually challenge me to go higher. I want to be around those who see what’s happening in this world and want to talk about it, and maybe even do something about it. I want to be around those who are concerned with their energetic vibration, instead of how they can come into more money or who’s hot and who’s not.

Does that make me intense? Well, according to others, it does. But that’s ok and I accept that. I’m not everybody’s cup of tea. In fact, I’m truly a very select brand of tea that only a few seem to enjoy on any consistent type of basis. Accepting that reality has been an arduous process, yet important nonetheless.

Because accepting myself as an intense type of person, instead of constantly trying to change it to please others, has helped me to love myself far more unconditionally. And just as important, it’s also allowed God to bring people like Karen W., Robb D., Frank M., Steve F., and a few others into my life, who embrace my intensity with unconditional love, which is the very thing that I know Christ would do with me if He were alive today.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

How I Matter, Even If I Never Appear On America’s Got Talent…

The only reality show I enjoying watching these days is America’s Got Talent (AGT) and although I’m usually quite amazed at the many gifted people who perform on the show, I sometimes feel a little down after watching each week’s episode simply because I don’t currently have a single talent that I could ever take onto that stage.

Yet, even though I’m not a magician, a comedian, a dancer, a singer, a dare artist, a ventriloquist, or any of the other types of acts that tend to make it past the first round on AGT, I do have a talent to communicate pretty well in life through both my speech and written word. Unfortunately, that’s not something that would ever get me anywhere in the largest talent show in our country.

So why is my lack of an AGT-type talent getting me so down?

It all comes down to my ego, as it keeps trying to convince me that to matter in this world, I need to become recognized for something.

And you know what?

That’s total bullshit, excuse my French.

I matter in this world, and so do you, not because we have some talent that puts us on the map. We matter because we each have a special uniqueness that was given to us by something Greater.

And while that special uniqueness may not ever be the “something” that makes us famous, it is “something” that still does serve a very special purpose, one that I believe God brought us here to do.

Case in point, I have personally witnessed how my words, both written and verbal, have helped others to heal from deep wounds, to seek recovery from addiction, to make peace within themselves, to find forgiveness, and so much more. And I give all that credit to God for giving me a talent that continues to grow.

So, while that may never be a talent I could ever take onto the AGT stage in front of Simon Cowell, Mel B., Heidi Klum, and Howie Mandel, it is something I feel I’m taking onto a much greater stage every single day in life, and that’s God stage, which is always all around me.

There, I perform to the best of my ability in each article I write, in every moment I share in a recovery meeting, and all the other times I share my experience, strength, and hope with others.

But, if you’re like me, and tend to still find yourself feeling from time to time that you don’t matter, especially when you start comparing yourself to the many gifted and talent people in the world who are stepping onto stages like AGT, remember, you too have special skills that are making a difference in this world and just as important to God.

It may be the ability to raise a child well.

It may be the ability to soothe people.

It may be the ability to organize things.

It may be the ability to light up any room you walk into.

It may be the ability to teach.

Or it may be something else.

Regardless of what it is, I truly believe we each have gifts and a uniqueness that makes us special in God’s eyes, ones I also believe we “perform” on God’s stage every day, and ones that God never, ever, buzzes us off of. In fact, it’s probably quite the opposite, as ultimately, to God, I think we’re all winners, and that’s why I know I matter, even if I never appear on America’s Got Talent…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson