The Twelfth Step

Trying to maintain balance in life while in recovery from an addiction can often prove to be very difficult, especially given that most never had any balance whatsoever when acting out in that very same addiction. While there are definitely multitudes of ways to establish that balance, the one I have found to work the best is to maintain my spiritual balance.

What I mean by maintaining my spiritual balance is doing the work necessary to remain in conscious contact with my Higher Power on a daily basis. You see, when I was active in any of my former addictions, I rarely remained in conscious contact with my Higher Power, that is unless my world was going to hell and it needed rescuing.

Since coming into the recovery world though, I’ve found that if I continue to uphold a daily spiritual routine, I gain a much greater level of balance throughout my entire life. But as soon as I abstain from any part of that spiritual routine, I immediately find myself getting unbalanced and going back to old toxic behaviors.

So this is why I am quite the diligent one these days with the spiritual practices I follow, which include a 45 minute breathing meditation, a 20 minute audio meditation, 30 minutes of spiritual mantras, at least an hour of writing, doing a grateful journal, and of course praying on and off throughout the day.

I know that may seem like an awfully large amount of time and energy to expel, but the fact is not doing so has proven to be an even bigger drain on those things for me. Thus, I know I must continue to follow my daily spiritual routines day in and day out, because having balance truly is that crucial for me to maintain a healthy recovery in life.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

 

As I sit out in my backyard typing this, enjoying probably one of the last of the warm days before the depth of the fall weather arrives, I look around and find myself admiring the job I just completed for the umpteenth time already this season, that of cleaning the leaves up.

On average, I’m usually out in the yard doing this task at least once a day during the fall timeframe. And while to most it may seem obsessive and unnecessary, including my partner and many of my neighbors, I find a sense of peace in doing it.

It is said through many of the Buddhist books I’ve read that one can mindful and at peace within while doing any of life’s daily routines. So why can’t that be applied while doing my day-to-day fall yard work. The reality is that it can, which is why I specifically do this task.

To be mindful of a chore is to focus solely on the actions surrounding doing it. Thus I find when I’m out in the yard sucking all those leaves up with my new Toro leaf vacuum, I do my best to focus only on that action and nothing more. In other words, all my constant frustrations and worries, especially with my health, take a back burner to watching as the machine pulls in one leaf after another.

It honestly helps a lot and in some ways is really just a form of meditation in itself. This can be true of any other chore in life as well such as cleaning the dishes, washing the windows, or dusting the house. Most of us though don’t do this at all. Instead, we allow our minds to race from one thing to the next during whatever we find ourselves doing in any given moment. And all that achieves is a restless, irritable, and discontent state of being.

So while most might find it rather comical that I clean up the leaves in the yard more than not during the fall season, I personally find great enjoyment in doing so because of the benefits it provides, benefits that aid in my healing, and benefits like many a compliment from a passerby.

Thus I’m feeling overly grateful to my Higher Power as I type these words right now because of the finished product I just completed and am now admiring once again in my yard. And while I know more leaves are only going to come down again soon enough, I’m at least finding a little serenity and joy in life doing something that most just seem to find a hassle in the Fall.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I bought a new computer recently through Apple that had a few hiccups along the way to purchasing it. Each of those hiccups was out of my control and was due to some glitches on Apple’s ordering system’s end. And because of those glitches, a kind member of the Apple customer service team took $150 off the total purchase price without me even asking for it, of which I was more than grateful. But something happened after all this took place that I felt tested an old negative pattern of mine, and it deals with greed.

Within no more than an hour or so after receiving that $150 credit, I had a phone call from a friend of mine who ironically works for Apple. When I told him the good news of me finally buying a new computer from his employer, he told me I needed to immediately cancel the order, which I thought was a very odd response. When I asked him why he would say such a thing, he said he could get me a 15% discount off my total purchase price. After doing the math for me as well, he said it would save me several hundred dollars more in doing so.

For several minutes I debated on whether to take my friend up on his offer or not, but deep down I kept hearing this voice within me saying “No!” the entire time. Interestingly enough, my old self wouldn’t have had any hesitation whatsoever on being able to save some more money on this purchase, but the person I’ve become today definitely is seeing things differently, especially when it comes to money.

I allowed money to control me for far too many years and all too often I’d do behaviors that often screwed other people just to save a buck. In this case with the computer purchase, I asked myself at the precise moment my friend said he could save me more money on it, whether the Apple support person’s time was worth anything. I then thought about how I spent more than an hour on the phone with them working through those glitches and getting the computer reordered given the first one had gotten cancelled somehow. Even further, I thought about how they promised to monitor the order until it got shipped out successfully and that they would call me if any issues were to arise. And finally, I thought about the $150 credit she gave me for all the inconveniences I had gone through and asked myself, why isn’t that enough of a discount?

Look, I truly believe in karma and although saving more money usually seems like a good thing to do, I’ve learned along the way through plenty of past unfortunate experiences that when I cut one corner it usually catches up with me somewhere else pretty quickly. And while my ego did its best to convince me that this woman wouldn’t mind if I cancelled the order and had my friend make the purchase instead, I went with my gut and decided having $300 more in my pocket would only be about greed.

You see that’s the problem with money. The ego tends to think it never has enough of it and because of that, it often ends up controlling so many, causing people to make decisions without regard for anyone or anything else. I honestly don’t ever want money to do this to me anymore in life like it once used to with such regularity.

So in the end, I turned my friend’s 15% discount down and I have to say I felt a lot better because of it. I have no guilt and no buyer’s regret, and somehow I think my Higher Power was telling me I made the right decision when that friendly Apple customer service agent called me again later that day and told me my order was fully processed and my computer would soon be on its way…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson