Have you ever guilted someone into doing something you wanted only to see it not work out for you in the long run? I often wonder when this happens if its karma playing itself out. Regardless, I did this very thing recently and it ended with me having to make an amends over it.
It all started back in the early spring when I suggested to a long-standing friend from my college days to come visit me. When he initially expressed his concerns about his finances and the distance to come see me, I resorted to an old behavior and began giving him guilt trips. Sadly, I allowed the resurface of this old toxic conduct to last over the course of several months with him. Every time we spoke over the phone, I’d cite out plenty of ways how he could and should make the trip happen. Even worse, I also shamed him several times by mentioning all the other trips he planned on taking this year and how all he needed to do was sacrifice just one of them to come to see me. At some point heading into the early part of the summer, he eventually caved in and agreed to come for Labor Day weekend.
As the summer began to pass by after that, I didn’t dwell much anymore on this, other than when he’d mention he was looking for flights to come see me rather than driving the 7 to 8 hours. Unfortunately, when August rolled around, so did a huge rise to my ongoing struggles with pain. With it also came less of a desire to see my friend, knowing I wouldn’t be much for a good host or company. But, I decided to hold off from postponing his trip, hoping things might be better by the time he was to come.
Then came his phone call one afternoon last week where he said he had booked a plane ride to come see me that holiday weekend, as he decided he didn’t want to drive that long of a distance. I promptly spilled the beans about where my health has been at and how I’ve been mostly withdrawn more than not lately. I also told him that I’d been playing it by ear with his visit, waiting until it got closer. It was then agreed between the both of us that maybe it wasn’t the best time for him to come and thankfully he was able to get a full refund from his flight. But it’s what I discovered in our next conversation that led me to make an amends with him.
I asked him if he would have ever considered coming to see me in the first place if I hadn’t guilted him into doing it. His answer was no, for the same reasons he originally presented with finances and distance. And just as important, he also told me he hadn’t been looking forward much to the trip in recent weeks. I honestly don’t blame him for feeling this way because I clearly see now that this trip was never based upon my Higher Power’s will, it was totally based upon my own will.
It really was extremely selfish and self-seeking of me to coerce my college friend like I did into him coming to see me. I truly believe that with it eventually unraveling and being cancelled like it was, that it was probably for the better. While getting my way might have satisfied my ego early on, what I received in the long run from doing it wasn’t very good. I never did feel quite right with this trip and it was more than evident that neither did he.
Thankfully my friend forgave me and all is well now between us. We both agreed that we’d see each other in the future when we both felt it was the right time to do so. And who knows, maybe we both were meant to do something else during Labor Day weekend that was always meant to happen, but wouldn’t if this guilt-laden trip still took place? Nevertheless, I’m grateful for this good reminder of a spiritual lesson I learned long ago, that guilting someone into doing something I want never does lead to anything good for either involved…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
