New Year’s Resolutions And Haphazard Amends

Happy New Year’s everyone! It’s the first day of 2015 and I truly hope this year will be a blessed one for each of you! I’m sure there already are plenty of people out there once again beginning it with another set of fresh promises and resolutions for themselves. I actually wrote about this very subject a year ago on New Year’s Eve. So if you would like to read about what my spiritual beliefs are with New Year’s resolutions, then please click the following link.

https://thetwelfthstep.com/2013/12/31/oh-those-new-years-resolutions/

Anyway, I just wanted to briefly speak on a related subject that can often also come up for people on a day like today, especially those in recovery, and that’s on making amends. For some reason, the start of a new year frequently gives people fresh resolve to make quick changes to their lives, such as making amends to those they hurt in the past. But doing so can be dangerous when they’re done haphazardly.

Haphazard amends are ones where someone tries to say they’re sorry and that’s about it. They’re also ones where they haven’t fully changed their behaviors yet that caused the damage in the first place. But most importantly, haphazard amends are ones where someone expects or demands them to be made in return after their own is complete when that person has hurt them as well. None of these things are what amends are about and that’s why rushing into making them because of the start of a new year is not the smartest thing to do. The truth is that whenever I made a haphazard amends to anyone, I only ended up having to make the amends again to the same person somewhere down the road.

The main point I’m really trying to make here about resolutions, amends, and any other major action that’s begun on New Year’s Day is this. Today is truly no different of a day than any other day of the year. While it indeed may signify the beginning of a fresh calendar year, the person each of us was yesterday is most likely quite similar to who each of us are today. Change usually comes gradually. Changes take time, effort, and fortitude. Things like resolutions and amends generally come when our spirit is truly ready to stick with them and not when we are still easily susceptible to falling back into old patterns and behaviors the moment things go astray.

I hope each of you will remember this as you begin this New Year and don’t do what I did so often in the past, when I rushed head first into promises to myself that I broke and amends that held no real foundation within my soul.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

A Little New Year’s Eve Reflection And Gratitude

It’s New Year’s Eve and the end of yet another year. I’m amazed at how fast 2014 flew by given all that I’ve been through this year. While I have no idea what 2015 may bring, I do know I’m starting it on the right foot, clean and sober, from all addictions, and for that I’m truly grateful.

I’m so grateful I will not be getting wasted today on alcohol or drugs because every New Year’s Eve that I did always ended up in a disaster…

I’m so grateful I will not be sleeping with some random person today because every New Year’s Eve that I did I felt even more alone afterwards…

I’m so grateful I will not be in the casinos today gambling hundreds of dollars away because every New Year’s Eve that I did I was chasing something I never was able to obtain…

I’m so grateful I will not be spending any time today in codependence with a friend because every New Year’s Eve that I did I ended up being angry and getting into verbal rage with them…

Truly, I’m just grateful I won’t be chasing any person, place, or thing at any point today to bring me happiness, because I know none of them ever will. I know now that true happiness can only ever come from within, from the soul, and from the part of God that lives inside me, which thankfully is burning a whole lot brighter this New Year’s Eve…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Blame Game

Have you ever blamed someone close to you for misplacing or losing something of yours, only to find out sometime later that it was of your own doing? I call this The Blame Game and it’s definitely something I’ve been guilty of a number of times in life. Unfortunately, it’s also something that can become quite common between spouses and partners, like it apparently was for me this morning, and a few weeks ago as well.

In regards to this morning, it had to do with misplacing my keys. When I noticed they weren’t on the rack as I headed out the door to my recovery meeting, I began searching around the entire house growing more frustrated and frantic in the process. After I thought I had covered every single inch of space in my home with no success, I began questioning my partner by asking if he had seen them. Over the course of ten minutes of time, I went from innocently questioning him to totally blaming him because my last memory of where they were was on the kitchen counter the prior evening. I had convinced myself that he had cleaned the counter up and either forgotten where he placed them or had accidentally thrown them away in the process. But ironically it was me who had forgotten. I eventually discovered this when my partner found my keys sitting on the toilet in our bathroom, which is precisely when I vaguely remembered setting them there when I came home last night. It’s pretty obvious to state how much I felt like a jerk knowing it was my fault after playing The Blame Game with my partner for those ten to fifteen minutes. And sadly, it hadn’t been that long since I had last played it with him either.

The last occurrence of it was just a few weeks ago when we returned home from our weekend Christmas trip to Chicago. As I was unpacking, I discovered I had left my prized teddy bear that has been with me for almost two decades now. To prevent myself from going into any great detail about why this bear is so important to me, the following is the link to my entry that talks about him:

https://thetwelfthstep.com/2014/10/21/my-prayer-bear/

Anyways, my immediate thought when I noticed my bear was missing was of being rushed out of the hotel room that morning by my partner. This time there was no questioning him at all, as I instantaneously went into playing The Blame Game by telling my partner it was totally his fault. I adamantly declared I wouldn’t have forgotten him if he hadn’t rushed me to check out of the hotel. Thankfully though the staff of the hotel ended up being able to locate my bear behind the bed when I called them and they promptly sent him home the very next day. But the damage had already been done to my partner in playing The Blame Game, as it truly was my responsibility to have taken the time to look for my priceless possession, not him.

In each case of where I played this game, neither were my partner’s fault they were mine. Playing The Blame Game is dangerous because it usually only causes anger and resentment to come between two people who love each other. In most cases in my life whenever I’ve played this game, I’ve always lost because each seemed to always come back to my own negligence or absent-mindedness.

So I think the lesson here for me is to pause the next time this happens, pray, and keep the fingers pointing back at me. After all, there truly are no winners in the long run whenever anyone plays The Blame Game…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson