There are days that I really have to try hard to maintain hope through what I go through mentally, emotionally, and especially physically. I continue to hold the belief that the majority of the pain I feel on any level is coming from a toxic clearing process from the life that I once lived as well as an ascension process to become a higher and more enlightened spiritual being.
It isn’t easy.
After spending much of the better part of a year or more trying to find medical answers and relief and getting none, I came to the acceptance that the only thing that would get me through all of this is to maintain hope in God that what I have been feeling is just temporary. I also find that I have to remind myself quite often that for two decades or so, I lived toxically and only began healing from all of it about a year ago. I have to admit though, it’s tough not being on medications and drugs to numb much of what I feel every day. Many people who experience pain will do whatever they can to band-aid it until it goes away. Unfortunately, that path doesn’t work for me as I seem to be detrimentally sensitive and side effect prone to just about every prescription I’ve ever been on.
My path to healing has felt long and arduous because of this. The only thing that has kept me going is clinging to hope. Hope for me doesn’t come from taking a drug or a pill. It doesn’t come from drinking alcohol. It doesn’t come from smoking a cigarette. It doesn’t come from gambling. It doesn’t come from overeating. It doesn’t come from a sexual act. It doesn’t come from buying something.
So where does hope come from for me then?
It comes from an inner belief and from things truly unseen and unknown.
My hope comes from a belief that an unconditionally loving God exists. It comes from a belief that God sees how hard I am trying to cleanse and purify my life from the darkness that I once lived regularly in. It comes from a belief that God is already healing me and that the pain is the result of the removal of all the blockages and junk I put into myself for all those years. And it comes from a belief that God has a calling and a plan for me beyond this clearing phase of my life.
I know that many people might be more of a realist on healing then I. My roommate is one of them. He relies upon science and medicine and believes most often that all pain can be fixed through some avenue of it. While I respect how he feels, I haven’t experienced much hope on that path if any at all. Instead I have experienced more setbacks, greater pain, and a lot of false promises.
Through daily prayer, meditation, mantras, writing, speaking at recovery meetings, eating healthier, and light exercising, I continue to create a foundation for God to work within me. By creating a foundation for God to work within me, I believe I am going to heal holistically and be cleansed by God from all of the impurities I placed within me. By believing I am going to heal holistically and be cleansed by God from all the impurities I placed within me, I am living with hope in my Higher Power. By living with hope in my Higher Power, I have developed a level of faith in God that everything will work out as it’s meant to. By having developed a level of faith in God that everything will work out as it’s meant to, I have been able to keep going each and every day in all the pain with just my hope.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
