Silly Joke #1
A drunk man was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery with the drunk man being loud and disorderly. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, “Order, order.” The drunk immediately responded, “Thank you, your Honor, I’ll have a Scotch and soda.”
Silly Joke #2
An agitated patient was stomping around the psychiatrist’s office, running his hands through his hair, almost in tears. “Doc, my memory’s gone. Gone! I can’t remember my wife’s name. Can’t remember my children’s names. Can’t remember what kind of car I drive. Can’t remember where I work. It was all I could do to find my way here. I think I need to be tested for Alzheimer’s or dementia!” “Calm down John. First, I want you to try to relax. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths ok?” John then closed his eyes and the doctor gave him a few minutes for his breathing to slow down. When John looked calmer, the doctor asked him to open his eyes and said, “So, how long have you been having this issue?” “What issue? I don’t even know why I’m here?”
Silly Joke #3
A young technician and his boss board a train headed through the mountains. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each because they are giving each other “looks.” Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself: “It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.” The boss is setting there thinking: “I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped and hit me!” The young woman was sitting and thinking: “I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother hadn’t slapped him!” The young tech sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself: “Life at work is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his boss all at the same time!”
Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)
A very gifted baby was born with the ability to talk.
The first thing he said when he was born was, “Are you my mom?”
“Why, yes!” his mother said. “I am!”
“Well,” the baby said, “I wanted to thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born.” Then he looks around the room and says, “Are you my doctor?”
“Yes, I am!” says the doctor.
“Well, I just wanted to thank you,” says the baby, “for taking such good care of me during the delivery.”
“You’re very welcome,” says the doctor.
The baby looks around the room and says, “Hey, are you my father?”
Overcome with pride, his dad says, “Yes, I am!”
The baby says, “Come here for a minute. I want to show you something. Bend down.” The father complies, and the baby starts poking him forcibly in the forehead. “How does that feel?! Hurts, doesn’t it?!”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson