The In-Between Place.

The In-Between Place. I know today’s title sounds a lot like it’s taken straight from the pages of Netflix’s Stranger Things, except in that show it’s actually called The Upside-Down place, but I digress from what today’s article is ultimately about.

Here’s a question for all of you to kick the real purpose of today’s article off. Have you ever felt like you were stuck in some in-between place in life, where your past self no longer works, but your future self is one that’s still being written and extremely unclear? That’s what this In-Between Place feels like to me and precisely where I find myself living in presently. It’s like living in limbo, one that no matter what I’ve tried to do, I can’t seem to make it change.

I often compare this in-between place, this limbo, to that of being on a plane on a runway, waiting to take off. But for some reason, the plane just sits there for minutes that eventually turns into hours, where you can’t do anything but remain in your seat? I actually had this happen to me once, where I remained on a plane on a runway for 3 hours and couldn’t even get up to go to the bathroom! Thankfully, FAA laws have changed to prevent this from happening anymore, but once again I digress.

Ok, so here’s the thing. This plane I’m on can’t return to its gate because the person I was before I boarded it was one that relied upon countless lower vibrational patterns to exist, none of which work for me anymore. I see that so clearly now with the countless individuals I had been surrounding myself with, all who I relied upon to feel better and ended up becoming overly needy and dependent upon somewhere along the way. With each of them, the very thing I sought from them was never fulfilled, that being a desire to build a connection of the heart, where instead sexual innuendos and banter became my everyday language with them instead. I don’t want connections like this anymore. But, at the same time, now that my 10-year relationship is in shambles and nothing to keep me in this city I moved to solely for him, my plane feels like it’s readying for takeoff, but to where, I don’t know. What that translates to is a feeling like I’m on that plane, sitting on some random runaway, waiting.

I believe waiting is one of the most difficult places an individual will ever experience on a spiritual journey to find themselves. I now find myself in that very place, waiting on God for answers as to where this plane is heading next and it’s something that is requiring me to bear a lot of uncertainty and do a lot of prayer. My heart seems to ache all the time now bearing the brunt of this waiting, where loneliness feels like my constant companion. But I’m going through it this time with something different as compared to the last time I faced it, and that’s in how I’m handling it. Because what I’m doing now is that I’m not trying to numb myself from feeling any of it. I’m choosing to sit in all this emptiness instead of filling it with yet another aimless addiction. I’m simply allowing myself to feel it in all its entirety, which often feels so very painful and one I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.

I don’t think there’s a single day over the past six weeks where I haven’t sobbed incredibly in whatever seat I’ve been sitting on in this plane. But, the fact remains, I’m allowing myself to remain on it, to wherever it’s heading, rather than trying to force it to head back to its former gate or busting through the pilot’s door to make it takeoff immediately to where I want. Instead, I’m fully trusting in God now, that my plane is headed to somewhere pretty amazing. I only have to wait a little longer.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days. Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was.  “Oh,” I said, “So now you’re speaking to me.” He looked confused,  “What are you talking about?”  “Haven’t you noticed I haven’t spoken to you for three days?” I challenged. “No,” he said, “I just thought we were finally getting along.”

Silly Joke #2

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr. Smith. He was delivering a pizza to his home. After giving it to him, Mr. Smith asked: “What is the usual tip for delivery guys like you?” “Well,” replied the college youth, “this is my first ever delivery, I’m trying to earn some money for college, and the other delivery people say if I get a few bucks out of it each time, I’m doing great.” “Hmmm, is that so?” snorted Mr. Smith. “Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s fifteen dollars to help your college fund out!”” Thanks,” replied the youth, “I’ll put this towards my school fund.” “What are you studying in school anyway?” asked Mr Smith. The youth smiled and said, “Applied psychology.” as he walked away.

Silly Joke #3

If college students had written in the Bible, the Ten Commandments would actually have been only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font. Paul’s letter to the Romans would have become Paul’s email to abuse@romans.gov. The reason Cain killed Abel would have been because they were roommates. The reason Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years would have been because they never wanted to ask for directions and end up looking like freshmen. And instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it all off until the night before and just pulled an all-nighter.

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

A penguin took his car to the shop to have it fixed. While he was waiting, he went into a cool ice cream shop nearby and ate an extra large cup of ice cream. Having flippers instead hands, he got the ice cream all over himself in the process. He then heads back to the auto shop and asks the mechanic what was actually wrong with his car. “Well it looks like you just blew a seal.” says the mechanic. The penguin totally embarrassed said, “It’s just ice cream, I swear!!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Today’s quotes follow up yesterday’s Daily Reflection about the desire and importance of being held in life…

“Sometimes you just need to be held by the right person and all of life’s stress just melts away.” (Unknown )

“Your body needs to be held and to hold, to be touched and to touch. None of these needs is to be despised, denied, or repressed. But you have to keep searching for your body’s deeper need, the need for genuine love. Every time you are able to go beyond the body’s superficial desires for love, you are bringing your body home and moving toward integration and unity.” (Henri Nouwen)

“I may be strong and able to carry myself through many situations. But, really, sometimes I just want to be held and told everything will be okay. And you know what, it’s okay to want that, because it’s what God would want for me as well.” (Andrew Arthur Dawson)

“I would rather spend a lifetime getting to know someone who shows their love by wanting to hold me tightly than someone who says they find me attractive or even hot.” (Andrew Arthur Dawson)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Daily Reflection

“Being held by the right person is enough to cure anything…” (Hu YiTian & Shen Yue)

There really is only one thing I want the most in a relationship with someone I call my partner. And it’s most assuredly not sex or anything carnal in nature, things so many relationships get based upon. That thing I want so incredibly these days is just to be held, to be fully embraced, wrapped deep in the arms of one who loves me unconditionally, one whose love fully emanates from within.

There is something truly priceless to have the arms of another wrapped tightly around your chest. It’s something I never got growing up from my parents and I often wish I had. Unfortunately, because I didn’t, I was led onto a path that for the majority of my life landed me in relationships that have been void of this type of love from people who I’d allow to use me more than not.

Being held is an intimacy so deep that it can help make a broken person learn to feel safe again. I haven’t felt safe in a very, very long time and I can’t remember what it feels like anymore to be held that deep within the arms of any other. I long for it, sometimes even dreaming of it, and doing that very thing to myself isn’t the same. It just isn’t.

How many people in my life have labeled me pathetic or needy or God knows what other judgments, all for wanting to be held I’ve lost track of. Wanting to be held is natural and good and truly beautiful in this world, and something I absolutely know God would want of me. Because God puts people in our lives to show that type of love.

The simplest truth is that we are supposed to be the arms of God and ultimately show His love with them. It’s our job to wrap them around those we love and remind them regularly that they are going to be ok, that they’re safe to let go and safe to even cry.

I cry as I write these words and envision a day where I receive this myself, where I can finally fall into the arms of another and heal from this broken mess I’ve become…

Dear God, I pray You bring into my life someone to love me so deeply from within that it’s natural for them to want to hold me and never let go…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Today’s quotes surround the subject of not having to go to battle with another, which was what yesterday’s Grateful Heart Monday discussed as well.

“Don’t fight a battle if you don’t gain anything by winning.” (Erwin Rommel)

“Being strong doesn’t always mean you have to fight the battle. True strength is being mature enough to walk away from the nonsense with your had held high.” (Unknown)

“There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it is with themselves.” (Unknown)

“Sometimes the strongest people are the ones who love beyond all faults, cry behind close doors, and fight battles that nobody will ever know about.” (Unknown)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude remains the sole expression of my writing at the beginning of every week, which for today is for knowing I don’t have to go to battle anymore and argue some point where instead I just can walk away.

Recently, when I was standing in my kitchen with a real estate agent that’s been helping Chris to sell his home, I made a comment to her expressing some of deepest fears surrounding the sale and an impending move. Chris didn’t like what he heard in my words and would unleash a rath of fury upon me in front of her, not only embarrassing me, but putting her in an awful position in the process.

When this happened, my brain immediately unsheathed its incredibly sharp sword, and I could feel my blood boiling over within me. How many times I’ve arrived to that very battle with Chris over the past 10 years and slashed that sword in his direction, doing my best to inflict the greatest of damage, is countless.

What I did this time though was a first. I remained silent. And when he finished demoralizing me in front of a woman I barely knew, I thanked her for her time, and walked away, heading back into my bedroom where I crumpled into a massive slew of tears and prayed.

The fact is, I don’t have the fight within me anymore and I’m most certainly have waved the white flag to God by fully surrendering. Going to battle with another, especially, one you’ve loved dearly for so long that got lost somewhere along the way never goes anywhere.

There is never a clear winner whenever two people who care about each other choose to go to battle and draw their swords ready to strike upon the slightest of thing. I learned that far too late in this relationship, as whatever depth of love I thought going to battle could bring back, the reality is, it never did.

I’m grateful today that I finally walked away from a battle that never would have had a clear victor and opted to choose my tears and ultimately God for comfort instead…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Question For The Day

Today’s question is…

What is one goal you’ve set for yourself that you currently are striving to finish?

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson


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Daily Reflection

“Let us run with determination the race that lies before us…” (Hebrews 12:1 (GNT))

Many people often make goals for themselves but give up somewhere along the way to achieving it. I’ve been there oh…so…many times where I’ve actually set some destination in mind for myself, where I’ve always intended to arrive at, yet stopped running towards it at some point or another, always citing any number of reasons why. Presently, I am on one of those races right now with my eyes fixed on a goal that I made a long while back, and it’s one I realized was the very answer I sought in an article I posted just over a week ago or so, where I asked my readers whether I should keep TheTwelfthStep.com site up and running.

When I wrote that heartfelt article recently about whether I should keep this blog going or not, I was honestly amazed at the number of responses I received after it was officially posted. Ultimately, I soon came to recognize that I was seeking external validation rather than doing the internal job I needed to do to find that answer. While I took to heart every comment and feedback I received to that article, the conclusion I came to was one that most assuredly emanated from within.

I started this blog with a longevity in mind that I promised myself I’d make and if I did make it, I would earmark it for that achievement. That feat was to consecutively write in a blog for 10 years. I wanted to prove to myself I could share something from my life every single day for an entire decade and now, that earmark is almost upon me.

While I’m exhausted on so many levels from keeping this site up and running, January 14th, 2023, will mark the end of a race I first sought to run when it comes to TheTwelfthStep.com. This is why I have decided that I will keep writing up and through that day to achieve a very feat that I never thought possible. What happens beyond that I don’t know.

Maybe this site looks different after that. Maybe I’ll only write once a week about something that truly moves me. Or maybe I won’t write at all for it until I feel moved about something. Or maybe I decide to just shut it down for good. Whatever I choose, I’m satisfied knowing I went within to get the answer and now plan to run the rest of this race with a fierce determination to actually reach the end of one for once in my life.

Dear God, I know the race I’ve been on has been long and arduous, but I also know the finish line is just ahead. All I ask is that you please help me to reach it. Thank you.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, and a woman rushed to help him. As she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, and immediately pushed her aside, and said, “It’s all right, Honey, I’ve had a course in first aid!” The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man’s pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, “When you get to the part from your first-aid course that’s about calling a doctor, just know I’m already here ok?”

Silly Joke #2

A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate. “No,” the doctor said. “I did not check his pulse.” “And did you listen for a heartbeat?” asked the lawyer. “No I did not,” the doctor said. “So,” said the lawyer, “when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead.” The doctor said, “Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was in a jar on my desk by that point, but for all I know, I guess he could be out practicing law somewhere.”

Silly Joke #3

Little Johnny, who always says the most inappropriate of things watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. “Why do you do that to your face, mommy?” he asked. “Oh, this, it’s to make myself beautiful dear,” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.  “What’s the matter then Mommy?” asked Little Johnny as he watched her remove it. “Are you giving up?”

Bonus Silly Joke

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, ‘What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?’ ‘Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it’. And on and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs. While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet. ‘I just wanted you to know they’re not hanging Wright tonight,’ she said. To which he whirled around and screamed, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON’T YOU EVER STOP?!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Question For The Day

Today’s question is…

What is something you like to enjoy from time to time that whenever you’ve done too much of, it has ended up “burning” you? (i.e. made your life worse…)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson


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The Hot Stove…

When I was a kid, one day I found myself staring at the stove in my kitchen. One of the four black rings on it were lit up incredibly red. I was so drawn to it. And I mean REALLY drawn to it. The glow was totally beckoning me in. So, for whatever the reason, I decided it would be a good idea to check it out further by putting my hand down on it. I just wanted to see what it felt like. Big mistake of course. I melted the skin on my hand pretty bad that day. But you want to know what’s so ironic about this really painful story from my childhood is how it’s a lot like the life of an addict.

You see addicts love the glow of whatever it is they become eventually become addicted to. It initially lures them in with its beautiful light. Some part of them knows though that it’s going to burn them if they get too close to it. Yet they do it anyway and eventually it burns them severely. A burn that somehow heals just enough at some point in time for them to totally forget about the damage it once caused them. And when that glow shows up in their life again, the memory of the last burn from it is gone leading them to fall straight back into a trance with it, getting burned by it once more, and often even worse that the last time.

I know this sounds like insanity, and it truly is. I knew all the addictions that once gripped me so fiercely were bad for me. They each glowed with intensities in their own way and at varying times, which I repeatedly found myself just having to check each out a little further. And each time I did, I eventually would get so burned by it that I’d recoil in pain that would last a long while. Pain that I always seemed to forget, because the glow of whatever it was would repeatedly beckon me in again at some inevitable point down the road, only to do the same thing again to me.

Truly my life of addictions is almost different as well than being a mosquito that’s drawn to one of those bug zappers typically found outside in the hot days of the summer. As soon as they touch the light they’re zapped dead, which is no different than the number of times I’ve gotten zapped by one eerie glow after another of one addiction after another, never realizing that none of them were good for me.

Thankfully, my recovery life has taught me there’s a better solution though and that was to find my own inner light to be drawn to. That process has taken me more than a decade to find it and now I’ve realized the only glow I’ll ever need to be drawn to lives within me. It’s always lived within me in fact. I just needed to slow down enough to get in touch with it, which is my soul of course. But you want to know what the best part of touching my soul is? It doesn’t burn me whenever I do. Now that’s some food for thought…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Question For The Day

Today’s question is…

Is there something you’ve started recently that you put off for a very long time? If so, what is it?

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson


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Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude is the sole expression to start each of my week’s off in writing, which for today is for beginning something I’ve been avoiding for the better part of a decade now, that can only be credited to someone close to me that’s a rather new addition to my life who’s inspired me to overcome a fear I’ve placed in front of this massive task for a very long time, and that’s to start writing a book about all of my life’s experiences.

I’ve lost track of the number of times ever since I began doing motivational speaking in 2007 where people have told me I need to write a book all that I’ve been through. While I know I’ve been writing about my life in this blog, my truth is that the excerpts I place in here are simply that, they’re snippets. Even with the almost 10 years deep now I’ve been maintaining this blog and writing one unique expression of my life after another, I’ve never told ALL the stories of my life and shared ALL the pain I’ve endured.

Some of my stories are ones I just can’t seem to express. Some are just too painful. The life I’ve lived often feels far too painful to share to the whole as a while. But enter someone ironically enough named Andy, a guy who found a way to inspire me to become more than I’ve been by giving me the challenge to write one chapter to the next from my earliest memories on forward, and then sharing it line by line and chapter by chapter, reading it all to him.

At first, I balked at the assignment and made all the excuses I have before. I told him I’m not ready and said I’m still waiting on God for a sign to start. But I don’t like fear controlling me nor do I like when darkness of this world starts trying creep back in to a facet or crevice within my life, so I agreed one day recently to start the task, and presently I’m nine full chapters in.

It’s been a challenge that’s for sure, as many of the words I’ve written thus far I’ve never told a soul. Not one therapist, not one partner, and not anyone for that matter. I’m finally getting it all down, words that come from my heart of hearts, and ones that aren’t easy to tell.

So, on this Grateful Heart Monday, on this very day, I’m thankful for a guy named Andy who inspired me to be more to write something I’ve been avoiding for far too long, one that I know in the long run is exactly what I know God would have me do, one that one day will be shared with all of you too.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Question For The Day

Today’s question is…

Is there something you’ve been doing for some time now that you find you are worn out doing and are questioning whether you want to keep doing it? If so, what is it?

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson


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To Keep TheTwelfthStep.com Going Or Not, That Is The Question…

Pretty soon I’ll be coming up to the 10-year anniversary mark since I began writing for this site, TheTwelfthStep.com. Presently, I’ve written well over 2000 original articles for it, but I find myself now at a crossroads with it wondering if I really want to keep it going.

One thing I have the ability with when it comes to this blog, is to see how many are actually reading it daily. It has a tool built into it behind the scenes on WordPress that shows me the level of traffic hitting my site each day, including where that traffic originates from and any specific terms searched for within it. For the longest time I was averaging between 50 and 100 readers a day, which in all honesty I was thankful for. I know that those numbers are pretty minuscule when it comes to social media presence, but I was thankful for each of my daily readers nonetheless. I also learned to not care about having more of an Internet presence because I enjoyed writing about my life and sharing my experiences transparently with the rest of the world.

When I got on Facebook and Twitter years ago, I found they were a great way to increase my site’s traffic by reposting links to each of my blog entries. I became thankful for every time a reader who reached out publicly or behind the scenes to tell me how much my words affected them. Unfortunately, my site’s traffic and visibility on Facebook and Twitter have been reduced to a mere handful of people checking it out now on a daily basis, mainly due to social media changing their formulas for what they feel deserves to show up everyone’s individual’s newsfeeds. Sadly, Facebook’s and Twitter’s formulas don’t find what I write to be important enough for the world to see anymore, so when I repost my excerpts on either, they get completely suppressed now. Most of my friends have told me they never see my articles showing up on their timelines anymore. So, in all reality, I am simply writing for myself these days, making this blog mainly an online journal or diary of sorts and nothing more. It’s why I find I am questioning my motive lately whether I want to keep this going. Because I don’t find that I am feeling fed anymore by all the work I keep putting into it and that’s something I’m not taking lightly.

To keep this blog going actually costs me about $700 a year and takes about 6 to 7 hours of my time every week. In the grand scheme of things that’s not much of a commitment either financially or with my time, but for me, it does add a lot of stress. While I originally began this blog as a cathartic way to work through my own inner demons of my life, I had always hoped it would grow in size and gain better readership along the way. It hasn’t and in fact is now losing most of my original readership, all because of what social media considers important these days. Writing about self-healing, life experiences, and the spiritual journey I’ve been on, which is quite unique in of itself, seems like it’s not that important as far as where the rest of the world is concerned.

While I haven’t made a final decision yet whether to close this site down or continue keeping it up and running, me writing this very article is simply putting it out there to the Universe, or God if you may, asking for some sort of sign whether I’m meant to keep doing this. Look, I love writing, truly I do, but I feel I’ve exhausted most of my life’s experiences in here and have been re-sharing things in recent years that I know I’ve already shared before in some fashion. It almost feels as if I’m just repeating and rehashing the same material now again and again, simply for the sake of producing yet another article. I find this isn’t being productive anymore for my spiritual journey and I am praying for guidance from God surrounding this.

I don’t know if this article will even be read by more than a dozen people or less, but if somehow even one person responds to me and asks to keep it going because it’s helped their life somehow, then I’m going to take that as a sign from God to not give up. But if no one responds to these very words I write from my fragile heart, then I plan to take it as a sign it may just be time to call it a day and shut this site down, once and for all. It’s in Your court God now. I leave this with You…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. “Here is the situation,” she said. “A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can’t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?” Little Johnny, who always says the most inappropriate things in class raises his hand and says, “To withdraw all his money from his savings account?”

Silly Joke #2

A golfer was having a tough day and in his frustration he blurted out, “I would give anything for a birdie on this hole.” A nearby stranger walked out of the woods beside the hole and whispered, “If you give up one quarter of your sex life, I guarantee you will make this shot. “The golfer said “OK.” He made the shot for birdie. A few holes later, he was having trouble on another hole. “Please, let me make this for eagle” he said. Again, the stranger stepped up to him and said, “If you give up another quarter of your sex life, you will make eagle.” “You’re on,” the golfer said, and made the shot for eagle. On the eighteenth hole, the golfer needed an eagle to win. The stranger again stepped up and said “If you give up the last half of your sex life, you will make eagle to win.” “OK,” the golfer said, and made his shot for eagle, winning the round. As he was walking back to the clubhouse, the stranger walked up beside him and said, “I think I should inform you that I am the Devil, and from now on you will have no sex drive or sex life. “The golfer turned to him, smiled, and said, “Nice to meet you, my name is Father O’Malley! And thank you so much!!!”

Silly Joke #3

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish country side with only a pet dog for company. One day, the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and said, “Father, my dog is dead. Could ya’ be sayin’ a mass for the poor creature?” Father Patrick replied, “I’m afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there is a new denomination down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.” Muldoon said, “I’ll go right away Father. Do ya’ think $5,000 is enough to donate for the service there?” Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya’ tell me the dog was Catholic? I think we actually have an opening this Sunday during the service!”

Bonus Silly Joke

Jesus and Moses were teeing off on a 149 yd par 3, with water hazard. Jesus pulled out his wedge and hit his first ball into the water. “I don’t understand”, he said, “I saw Arnold Palmer hit a wedge to the green on this same hole yesterday!” Again he dropped a ball on the ground and repeated the shot with the same results…. Moses said,”Get a longer iron or you’ll never make it across” Jesus dropped another ball to the ground and repeated the swing dropping the third ball in the water short of the green. “That was my last ball!” Jesus remarked as he walked across the water fishing for his lost balls. A foursome approached the green and one man replied, “Who does that man think he is, Jesus Christ?” Moses replied, “No, he thinks he’s Arnold Palmer”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Question For The Day

Today’s question is…

What is something in your life that you always wanted or sought after but never have gotten or found as of yet?

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson


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I Feel Like I’ve Been Chasing My Desire To Be Unconditionally Loved My Entire Life…

I feel like I’ve been chasing my desire to be unconditionally loved my entire life. From the onset from as far back as I can remember, I never knew what it felt like to receive love just because I existed. It’s a lesson that parents are supposed to teach their kids to show they matter no matter what. And it’s a lesson that kids are meant to learn from them to help form healthy relationships later in life. Unfortunately, I never was taught this lesson in my dysfunctional household where addicts were present more than not. Instead, I grew up feeling unloved by them more than not, that is unless I did some type of big action to gain some form of their love.

I realize now that every friendship and every intimate partnership I’ve ever had in life thus far has been on some level chasing this unconditional love my mother and father never gave me. In the process, I’ve given my time, my energy, my money, and even my body away to get that love and what I’ve gotten instead is hurt, repeatedly. Time and time again I’ve sought healthy connections with others only to discover that it was the same unhealthy connection I’ve always been in. When I looked to be consoled, comforted, and the like in each of those relationships, I typically never got it back and was told I was too needy. But it was those people who didn’t have that programming built into them just like my parents never did. So, they only reconfirmed the very thing I never received growing up.

I finally am facing this hard lesson and choosing consciously to not let my mother and father be in my friendships and intimate partnerships anymore. Sadly, this is one of the biggest reasons why my current partner and I aren’t doing well at all. Because we both have this absence of programming within us. Over the years, I’ve sought this from him, especially when I’ve really been in pain and needed some serious unconditional love, but since he doesn’t have this programming, it only led to me feeling more unloved than not.

What I long for the most now is to be connected with those who love my soul force, who see the true me, not the outside me. And I want to spend my life intimately with someone who loves me on that level as well, who isn’t spending time with me because of some hidden agenda, manipulative desire, sexual drive, or any other lower vibrational reason. My desire to hold and be held by someone who truly loves me from my soul and theirs is my driving force now and I no longer am seeking to create new connections that only reconfirm that which I already learned from all the other broken ones who never did quite love me unconditionally.

I’m done giving myself away to gain love back. I’m done trying to overachieve just to receive limited forms of love. I’ve learned to love myself enough now to know what I deserve and I don’t want to be in any connection anymore with those who can’t love me back with a level of love that I say is God’s love, something that goes far deeper than carnal and physical-based interests. I simply want connections in my life who know and love me on a level that is beyond what they can see. And I believe it’s out there, in both an intimate way and even in the platonic one as well.

No more will I enter any new pattern with another in life who can’t express a soul love to me, as ultimately, I do deserve better, and I do love myself enough now to know I always did…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Keeping one’s heart opened in this world can often feel so very painful, but in the long run, to connect with others and even yourself, and to experience true peace and joy, it’s a must. Today’s quotes are all about the importance of this…

“Keep your heart open for as long as you can, as wide as you can, for others, and especially for yourself.” (Morrie Schwartz)

“I don’t know much about this world, but I do know one thing. When people open their hearts they find the courage to do remarkable things. So keep your heart open. I wouldn’t worry about anything else.” (R.M. Drake)

“Keep your heart open and the answer will show up.” (Unknown)

“Keeping an open heart sustains unconditional love in a conditional world.” (Dr. Debra Rebie)

“The energy involved to keeping your heart closed and the difficulty that it will require in reopening is far harder than simply keeping it open and never letting it close.” (Andrew Arthur Dawson)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude remains the sole expression of my writing at the start of every week, which for today is for my heart continuing to become more and more open and how that seems to be helping other souls along the way.

Honestly, I must say, opening my heart in this life has been so…very…difficult. I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve allowed my heart to get trounced upon by one unhealthy person after another, all of which began with my parents long ago. While I believe the key to living a joyful life is through the heart, every time I’ve opened it up to someone, it’s inevitable that another dagger seems to get placed within it. Over the years, I simply began expecting this to happen when I met someone new mostly because rarely has anyone ever shown me unconditional love, save the exception of my friend Cedric who taught me in my 12 Step recovery a lot about living in the heart. Then add in the amount of abandonment issues I’ve endured with so many abrupt and tragic losses, I just learned to live a life where it was easier to have my heart more closed than open, something that left me in a flurry of addictions to cope with the numbness it created within.

Recently, that has begun to change dramatically though, as I have been sitting with the emptiness, waiting in the silence, spending great amounts of time alone, withdrawing from countless slippery-slope behaviors and friendships that weren’t healthy for me, and having far more conversations with my inner child and with God. All of this seems to be opening my heart greater and greater, which in the process, has been opening doorways to spiritual gifts within me I didn’t even know I had. Gifts that seem to be helping others get in touch with their heart and true feelings as well.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been contacted by several people who really needed a friend, a friend that wasn’t going to judge them, give them advice, preach, lecture, or control the situation they were going through. Old closed-heart Andrew would have done any of those things, or pretty much all of those things. But new open-hearted Andrew, the one who is becoming far more aware of the hearts of others now, I cried with each of these individuals, allowing myself to feel what they were feeling, even getting images of the very painful things they were facing. And for those brief moments of life, those hurting individuals didn’t feel so alone, as they felt a heart connect to theirs with unconditional love, something that can only come from having a heart more opened than closed.

So yes, I am truly grateful that I continue to work on opening my heart more and more every day now, as I find the experience is helping me see the world in a way I never did before. A way that is showing me how I can really help others who are suffering to know they aren’t alone, which in the process, continues to help me open more to God and to the life I’ve always wanted to have with Him.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Today’s quotes continue yesterday’s Daily Reflection topic of surrendering, something I continue to see is one of the greatest keys in life for spiritual growth…

“Surrender. Let go of your attachment to what you think should have have happened. Surender to what is and trust that you’re being guided towards something more profound.” (Ash Alves)

“The moment of surrender is not when life is over. It’s when it begins.” (Marianne Williamson)

“Surrender is deeply misunderstood as an act of weakness. Surrender is the bravest and most lucid thing a human ever does, and that’s why it’s so precious to the Divine.” (Andrew Harvey)

“Surrender and accept whatever is happening in the moment, the Universe is working on your behalf.” (Mastin Kipp)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Daily Reflection

“Sometimes, it’s not the times you decide to fight, but the time you decide to surrender, that make all the difference.” (Sissy Gavrilaki)

I’ve been fighting my whole life since a teenager to get what I think I want. Sometimes to the point of exhaustion. And when I have gotten any of those things, has it made any of life better. Typically, not. Rather, it just leads me onto the next fight, the next battle, the next something where I find myself exerting so much control and force that I often lose myself in the process.

This is why over the past few months I’ve finally decided to do something entirely different. I’ve surrendered. Surrendered to my health issues. Surrendered to my relationship woes. Surrendered to my financial insecurities. Surrendered to my loneliness. Surrendered to my emptiness. Surrendered to everything. I’ve given up the fight. I’ve waved the white flag. And you know what? Life has felt a whole heck of a lot less burdensome.

A lot of insight has come in this surrendering. Sometimes so much so that I am awed at how much me trying to control the outcome of so much in life had blocked me from receiving. Receiving from God that is.

I’ve shed an incredible number of tears lately. Sometimes in the strangest of places. And sometimes in the humblest of moments where I have been able to connect far greater to the hearts of others, something I couldn’t ever seem to do when I wasn’t surrendering at all to anything.

Surrendering to the tide of life may be the best action of life I’ve made in a very, very long time, and one I’ll be reflecting on for probably the rest of this life…

Dear God, I see how surrendering the fight has truly changed my life. Thank you for all the love that has come since, from you, from others, and from within me. 

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1 (Two short ones…)

As my family was leaving Disney World, my daughter waved and said, “Goodbye Minnie!” 
My son waved and said, “Goodbye Mickey!” 
Then I waved and said, “Goodbye money!!!”

My cousin Jimmy was having a terrible time falling asleep unless he was lying on a pile of old magazines. It turns out he had back issues.

Silly Joke #2

Things to ponder:

– Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

– “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I Do,” is the longest sentence?

– When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Silly Joke #3

Sunday School Teacher: “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me a ticket into heaven?”
NO!” the children all answered.
Sunday School Teacher: “What if I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me a ticket into heaven?”
Again the answer was, “NO!”
Sunday School Teacher: “Well, then, how about if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all you children and loved my wife with all my heart, would that get me a ticket into heaven?”
Once more they all answered, “NO!”
The Sunday School Teacher was feeling very proud of her class and getting ready to talk about Jesus but wanted to see if anyone had the real answer.
Sunday School Teacher: “Well then, does anyone know how can I get into heaven then?”
Little Johnny, that mischievous boy always saying the most inappropriate of things suddenly shouts out, “You just gotta be dead Teacher!”

Bonus Silly Joke

One day, there was a catastrophic event that caused all humans on Earth to die. To sort things out, everyone went to Heaven. God came in and said, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who ruled their women on Earth and the other line for the men who were ruled by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter.” With that, the next time God looked, the women were gone and there were two lines. The line of men who were ruled by their women was 1000 miles long, and in the line of men who ruled their women, there was only one man. God became angry and said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?” The man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Question For The Day

Today’s question is…

Name a movie you’ve seen that portrayed real tragic historical events from our country’s past that disturbed you so greatly because of how real it felt?

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson


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“Till”, A Powerful, But Somber Film That Depicts The True Racist Roots Of Our Country…

The story of Emmitt Till, although a tragic one, is also an inspiring one, as his story of being wrongfully lynched at 14-years-old near Money, Mississippi in 1955, became a major catalyst for the beginning of the civil rights movement here in the United States. Many decades later, his story has been retold in the recent film released under the title, “Till”.

“Till”, which stars Jalyn Hall in the main role as Emmitt and Danielle Deadwyler as his mother Mamie, was both powerful and somber to watch. While I minored in Minority Relations in college and studied Till’s story and many other tragic ones during that time of my life, watching these events reenacted on screen still disturbed me greatly. For the life of me it’s so hard to believe our country was filled with so much hatred back then towards African Americans. My best friend is African American, and I’ve never seen him as anything but my equal. In fact, I’ve never seen anyone from any other race as anything but equal to me my entire life. So, watching an exuberant and youthful, happy-go-lucky kid visit his relatives in the deep South during which he accidentally flirted with a white female cashier in a local convenience store that led to him being kidnapped, beaten, tortured, shot in the head, and finally dumped in a river, completely overwhelmed my emotions. Seeing Till’s mother lay eyes upon her son’s badly mangled, and river swollen body for the first time and grieve from her very soul (possibly the best performance I’ve ever seen by an actress) was beyond heart-wrenching. I can only imagine how many African Americans suffered like this and at the hands of all the racism that once existed so openly in this country and on some level, still does.

Why there was and still is so much hatred towards those of opposite races, colors, sexual preferences, religions, and the like in this country strikes a very painful chord within me. I work hard every day to see everyone with absolute joy and unconditional love, because in my mind there is one thing that we all share in common and that’s a piece of God with our souls. So, taking the life of this innocent 14-year-old back then over something as harmless as a flirtatious advance, or bashing someone today who just had gender reassignment, or labeling all Asians as the cause of COVID is betraying the unity God created in all of us. It simply wreaks havoc upon my soul. Why this type of hatred seems to be on the rise again, especially after so many people fought hard since Till’s time to gain justice and equality is a painful realization. Have we truly progressed or are we only regressing these days?

Regardless, the film “Till” was superbly done, enough so that it should earn itself plenty of Oscar accolades. Long after its credits rolled, I found myself pontificating on the sad state of our nation, which seems to have advanced in some ways since Till’s time, but declined in many others. I am ashamed that so many who share the same skin color as myself both back then and even to this day continue to hold hatred around their hearts towards those of opposite colors as them. What fear really rests behind this I don’t know. What I do know is that I love all people of all walks of life and work hard to accept everyone as my equal. I’m thankful that I’ve been this way as far back as I can remember and thankful for the movie “Till” for reminding me of what I pray to never become, and that’s a hateful, spiteful, judgmental individual who resorts to wrongful words or actions upon those they deem unequal, when indeed God created us at our very core to ALL be equal…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Today’s quotes surround the subject of offering praises and compliments to others and the importance of that on one’s spiritual journey in life…

“If you see something beautiful in someone, speak it.” (Ruthie Lindsey)

“I will be generous with my love today. I will sprinkle compliments and uplifting words everywhere I go. I will do this knowing that my words are like seeds and when they fall on fertile soil, a reflection of those seeds will grow into something greater.” (Steve Maraboli)

“One compliment can affect a whole lifetime. Be bold and speak life-giving words.” (Unknown)

“Compliment people. Magnify their strengths, not their weaknesses.” (Joyce Meyer) 

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where I look to express a slice of gratitude from my life to start each of my weeks off with, which for today is for what two clients told me at a local addiction residential treatment program I do monthly presentations at.

I have been thanked by many people over the years after I finish my addiction to recovery presentation. Most come in the form of hugs and warm greetings, many with tears in their eyes, as they usually say nothing more than “Thank you.” I’ve always given credit to God for it and the ability to speak and tell my story with such loquaciousness. It’s become obvious God gave me a gift to move so many people just in humbling myself and telling my life story. But in my most recent monthly speaking engagement at this residential treatment program, a gentleman approached me as I was getting ready to leave who in tears said that he was about to check himself out of the program that day from sheer frustration and a desire to go use drugs again, but something told him to stay that day and after hearing my story, he knew why and said he felt God through my words for the very first time. When I hear things like this, it’s a strong reminder that I am on the right path, doing the right thing, for God himself. After all, I consider myself only a vessel for a greater purpose in each of my addiction to recovery presentations. As for the other individual I mentioned, a gentleman there also asked to walk me to the door as I left, and as we did, in full eye contact, he said I was his angel today, and how blown away he was at the presence of God he felt in the room. I had no words to say but, “Thank you God!”

Doing this 12 Step recovery work I do is humbling on countless levels, but there are a number of moments, like recently at my own Phi Kappa Psi chapter where I also told my story or this local residential treatment program where I did the same, where the Spirit flowed through me with such intensity, that even though I was retelling it for the umpteenth time, it came out in such a way that moved many in the room to tears, where God seeds got planted that will sprout one day, a day where  unconditional love will most assuredly arise within each of these individuals, making me very grateful indeed.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Today’s quotes surround the subject of the importance of always taking that difficult but necessary road that travels from the mind into the heart…

“One ought to hold on to one’s heart, for it one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too.” (Friedrich Nietzsche)

“Get out of your head and get into your heart. Think less, feel more.” (Osho)

“Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.” (Roy T. Bennett)

“You’ll never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart.” (George Michael)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Daily Reflection

“The closer one comes to truth, the further one gets from mind.” (James Pierce)

When you finally stop fighting and trying to control things in life, it really does become a lot easier to see things far more clearly, like the status of my relationship with my partner Chris, something that in all honesty is presently in shambles, solely because we both got away from what truly mattered, that being connecting to each other via the heart.

When you aren’t working through the heart to connect with someone, there’s really only one other place to operate out of, and that’s the mind, which is a deadly place to remain in and have your relationship through and the very reason why Chris and I are in the state we are now.

When things began to go downhill years ago in our relationship, it was because we both started coming at each other with extremely heady thinking. We began rationalizing our way through so many differences always believing each of us were in the right. All that did was tear us further apart again and again until eventually we found ourselves sitting in total opposite corners in life. Our hearts became heavier, sometimes even with an icy coldness exterior towards the other, none of which is conducive to having a healthy relationship. This is why I am doing everything I can now to keep my heart open and find myself working diligently to detach from any tension and potential arguments. While I’ve been successful in this new endeavor, the majority of Chris’s heart remains blocked for a number of reasons, some of which I own and some of which has nothing to do with me.

Either way, as I try to navigate my way through this broken relationship with a now open, but very sorrowful heart, I see so clearly now that nothing truly good ever can come from trying to maintain a relationship through one’s best thinking, when that only ends up stifling the very thing one needs to really connect through, and that’s the heart.

God, please help me operate in every one of my relationships through my heart and not my mind, so that I may always cultivate greater love instead of greater hate.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.
“Would you like a new mink coat?” he asks.
“Not really,” says Mary.
“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John.
“No,” she responds.
“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests.
She again rejects his offer with a “No thanks.”
“Well what would you like for our 40th anniversary then?” John asks.
“I want a divorce John, that’s what I want…” answers Mary nonchalantly.
“Sorry, I wasn’t planning on spending that much…” says John.

Silly Joke #2

A very inquisitive professional detective walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk who is closely examining something held in his fingers. The detective watches the drunk for a while till he finally gets curious enough to ask what it is. “Well,” said the drunk, “it looks like plastic and feels like rubber. Do you think you can guess what it is?” “Let me have it,” said the lawyer. Taking it, he began to roll it between his thumb and forefinger, examining it closely. “Yes,” he finally said, “it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but honestly, I don’t know what it is. Where did you get it?” “From my nose,” the drunk replied.

Silly Joke #3

Little Johnny, who always says and does the most inappropriate of things was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced boy was up to, he politely asked, “What are you doing there, Johnny?” “My goldfish died,” replied Little Johnny without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor responded, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” Little Johnny patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, “Well, that’s only because he was inside your fat cat.”

Bonus Silly Joke

While the bar patron savored a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said, “This is a special day. I’m celebrating.” “I’m celebrating, too,” she replied, clinking glasses with him. “What are you celebrating?” he asked. “For years I’ve been trying to have a child,” she answered, “Today my gynecologist told me I’m pregnant!” “Congratulations,” the man said, lifting his glass. “As it happens, I’m a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they’re finally fertile.” “How did it happen?” “I had to switch cocks.” “Huh! What a coincidence,” she said, smiling.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Today’s quotes focus on the subject of stillness, something that so many of us in the world often struggle with, as it makes us face the very thing we continue to avoid when we don’t ever remain still and that is ourselves…

“In an age of constant movement, nothing is more urgent than sitting still.” (Pico Iyer)

“Within you, there is a stillness and sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.” (Hermann Hessse)

“If you seek peace, be still. If you need wisdom, be still. If you need love, be still.” (Becca Lee)

“There is nothing as certain as silence, stillness, and solitude to introduce you to the secrets of yourself.” (Guy Finley)

“Stillness is not about focusing on nothingness; it’s about creating an emotional clearing to allow ourselves to feel, think, dream, and question.” (Brene Brown)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson