Silly Joke #1 (Because I couldn’t resist these two totally corny short ones!)
John: Last week at the grocery store, I saw a man slipping celery into other people’s shopping carts…
Mary: Why was he doing that?!
John: Well, I think he was a stalker!
Q: Why isn’t holy water used in vaccines?
A: Because you can’t take the Lord’s name in vein.
Silly Joke #2
It was my wedding day, and no one was happier than my 78-year-old mother. It had taken me a long time to find the right one to spend the rest of my life with after so many terrible relationships and my mother knew that more than anyone. As she approached the church doors, an usher asked her, “Which side are you on?” “Oh, no!!!” she said. “Are they fighting already?”
Silly Joke #3
A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn’t want to pay up. What should I do?”
“Do you have any proof?” asked the lawyer.
“Nope,” replied the man.
“Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owes you,” said the lawyer.
“But it’s only $500,” replied the man.
“Precisely. That’s when he will reply and we will have the proof we need to nail him…” the lawyer said with a huge grin.
Silly Joke #4
An old man went to the college that he went to when he was a youth. He knocked on room number 3 in the dorm he first lived in and some guy answered it. “May I come in. I lived in this very room thirty years ago when I studied in this college. I’m just trying to relive a little of my youth. The young man fully opened the door and let him in. The old man examined the room, fondly remembering everything. He said, “Man, nothing has really changed. The same old wooden table, the same heating fixture, and the same old window that’s so hard to open and close…” he said as he struggled to move it. The boy laughed nervously for some odd reason. As the old man examined the bed, he sat down on it, it creaked and said, “Yep, same old bed.” He then looked under it to find a young girl wide-eyed staring back. As she came out from under the bed, the young man got alarmed and said, “Oh, she’s my sister. She’s just visiting me for the weekend and dropped her earring and has been searching for it.” The old man then said, “Yup, and the same old story…” as he left the room smiling from ear to ear.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson