Is Flirting With Another Harmless When You’re Already In A Relationship?

Do you think flirting with someone who’s not your significant other is harmless? I’ve often told myself it’s totally ok, so long as I don’t cross a physical line whenever I do it. Yet, the more I’ve worked on my character defects in life, the more I’ve begun to feel otherwise.

First and foremost, the main reason why I’ve ever flirted with another, while in a relationship, has been due to a deep-seated inadequacy that began long ago in my early childhood, one that led to me seeking validation outside of myself to deal with it. The more I’ve grown older, the more that’s become even more apparent, especially as all signs of youth continue to fade. In any of the monogamous relationships I’ve ever been in, including my current one, the validation I’ve received from each of them eventually always becomes not enough for my ego because of those deep-seated inadequacies. This in turn then beckons me to look elsewhere for them to go away, hence the flirtatious nature that begins to arise within me. And as I start sending out flirtatious missiles to those I find attractive, if their well received and returned just the same or better, my ego gets temporary highs or “hits” from it. Unfortunately, they never last though, leading me to feel the need to flirt even more. It’s definitely not a healthy place to be in, because flirting has never and will never permanently remove any of my deep-seated inadequacies. Rather, the more I’ve ever engaged in heavy flirtation on a repetitive basis, the more I’ve usually fallen straight back into addictive behaviors that ultimately led to me cheating on my partner and leaving them altogether.

In addition to this, I’ve also found that flirting can be very hurtful to the person I’m dating, especially when I’m not offering any of it towards them. Not only has it regularly led some of them to feeling jealous, it’s also led to greater mistrust as well. I’ve often placed myself in my current partner’s shoes and thought about my flirtatious behaviors whenever I’ve done them, wondering how I’d feel if he was engaging in the very same ones with someone else. Would I be ok if he said some of the flirty things to someone else he found attractive that I’ve personally said to others? If I’m being truly honest with myself, the answer is no, I definitely wouldn’t. Yet, my ego has the tendency to frequently forget about that, as it seeks to do whatever it can to quickly cover up all of my deep-seated inadequacies of life.

Ultimately, I believe that being monogamous with someone means doing so on every level, including physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. And I’m clearly seeing these days that flirtation with another only leads directly away from that. The bottom line is that I love my partner and don’t want to lose this relationship, as it’s the healthiest one I’ve ever been in, so I know that I must do my best to refrain from flirtation and instead, go within whenever I feel the urge to resort to this behavior.

It’s a tough place to be in, especially for this recovering addict, because I’ve felt a tremendous amount of inadequacies in recent years that go well beyond my getting older. With the health issues I still am facing on a day-to-day basis and the fact that I haven’t had a paying job for a very long time, I’ve had a consistent urging in my mind to resort to flirting, solely to fill that void, even if it is only temporary.

While I’ve been much better about restraining from flirtation since getting sober from a former sex and love addiction six and a half years ago, I continue to give in to the behavior from time to time, which always seems to correlate to those days when I’ve gotten into arguments with my partner or have just felt very down about my life in general.

For me, the only solution to prevent this behavior has been to try to draw closer to my Higher Power and to continue working on more self-love. Most of my deep-seated inadequacies stem from not receiving enough unconditional love when growing up, yet looking for that in another in my adulthood through flirting won’t fix that broken record either. Instead, I know I must embrace myself exactly as I am, loving myself through all my character defects. As the more I have, and the more I’ve drawn closer to my Higher Power, the more I find I don’t want to flirt, the more I find myself drawing closer to my partner, and the more I seem to feel anything but inadequate…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m really sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.” To which he angrily responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200?!!!”

Silly Joke #2

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now passed-away Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship. One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?”The Fairy Godmother replied: “Well, Cinderella, as you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?” Cinderella was overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, almost under her breath, she uttered her first wish: “I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.” Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear. Cinderella said: “Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!” The Fairy Godmother replied: “It’s the least I can do. What does your heart desire for your second wish?”
Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: “I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again.” At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years. And long forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her very soul. Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke: “You have one more wish, what will you have?” Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said: “I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful and handsome young man.” Magically, Alan suddenly underwent a fundamental change in his biological make-up, that, when complete, he stood before her a boy so beautiful – the likes of which neither she nor the world had ever seen – so fair indeed that birds began to fall from the sky at his feet. The Fairy Godmother again spoke: “Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life!” And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone. For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his strong, youthful arms. He leaned in close to her ear, whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath: “I bet you regret having me neutered now, don’t you?”

Silly Joke #3

A police officer pulls over this guy who’s been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says, “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”The man says, “Sorry, officer, I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.” “Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.” I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.” “Well, then, we need a urine sample.” “I’m sorry, officer, I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I’ll get really low blood sugar.” “All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.” “I can’t do that, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m drunk.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Quote #1

“Being humble means recognizing that we are not on earth to see how important we can become, but to see how much difference we can make in the lives of others.” (Gordon B. Hinckley)

Quote #2

“True humility is having the understanding that, even as a small seed, we are still an important part of the greater plan. However, we are not the master planner.” (Tanya Copprue)

Quote #3

“No truly great person ever thought themselves so.” (William Hazlitt)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson