Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m really sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.” To which he angrily responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200?!!!”

Silly Joke #2

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now passed-away Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship. One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?”The Fairy Godmother replied: “Well, Cinderella, as you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?” Cinderella was overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, almost under her breath, she uttered her first wish: “I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.” Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear. Cinderella said: “Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!” The Fairy Godmother replied: “It’s the least I can do. What does your heart desire for your second wish?”
Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: “I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again.” At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years. And long forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her very soul. Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke: “You have one more wish, what will you have?” Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said: “I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful and handsome young man.” Magically, Alan suddenly underwent a fundamental change in his biological make-up, that, when complete, he stood before her a boy so beautiful – the likes of which neither she nor the world had ever seen – so fair indeed that birds began to fall from the sky at his feet. The Fairy Godmother again spoke: “Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life!” And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone. For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his strong, youthful arms. He leaned in close to her ear, whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath: “I bet you regret having me neutered now, don’t you?”

Silly Joke #3

A police officer pulls over this guy who’s been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says, “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”The man says, “Sorry, officer, I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.” “Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.” I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.” “Well, then, we need a urine sample.” “I’m sorry, officer, I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I’ll get really low blood sugar.” “All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.” “I can’t do that, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m drunk.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Quote #1

“Being humble means recognizing that we are not on earth to see how important we can become, but to see how much difference we can make in the lives of others.” (Gordon B. Hinckley)

Quote #2

“True humility is having the understanding that, even as a small seed, we are still an important part of the greater plan. However, we are not the master planner.” (Tanya Copprue)

Quote #3

“No truly great person ever thought themselves so.” (William Hazlitt)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

I’m Not Better Than Or Morally Superior To Anyone…

If there’s one thing I know, it’s that I don’t think I’m better than anyone else, nor do I think I’m morally superior to anyone either. Yet, those are the very accusations that have occasionally been said of me, some to my face, and some behind my back. What is true though is that I do feel far more humbled in life with what’s taken place over the past eight and half years.

Sadly, there was a time though where I used to allow my ego to make me believe I was better than others and morally superior, even knowing deep down I truly wasn’t. But, now I feel like I’m on the exact opposite side of the spectrum due to the many knock-downs and knock-outs I’ve had to endure ranging from financial failure, to an inability to work, to my many health issues, and a number of other things as well.

Life has truly humbled me, yet there are still people out there who feel I place myself above others. Frankly, I’m amazed at that because in recent years, I’ve felt more worthless in this world than anything else, which I’ve talked about a number of times in some of my other blog articles.

Nevertheless, while I may not participate in a number of things that the rest of society does with regularity, that doesn’t make me better than someone else or morally superior. It simply is me following my own inner guidance and doing my best to continue beating to my own spiritual drum, even when the masses try to often convince me to do otherwise. Look, I don’t expect anyone will ever fully understand me, as much as I’m just as sure that no matter what I say or do, I’ll continue to be misinterpreted, especially here in my daily musings.

In all honesty, my only reality I have right now is to keep on surviving in a world that feels totally out of control to me, to keep on surviving the health issues that still plague me within, and to have faith that there is a Higher Power who will guide me through it all. And while my deepest truth is that I don’t feel like I measure up in this world these days and feel as if I have nothing to offer anyone anymore, I am very thankful I don’t allow my ego to try to convince me otherwise like it used to.

So, please, if you ever find yourself at some point judging another to be acting better than you or morally superior, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and realize it may be quite far from the real truth. The filters you are looking through in your accusation could be biased from what’s actually reality, as it truly is in my case, where humility has become my only existence…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson