Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP… BUMP… BUMP… behind him. Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him. BUMP… BUMP… BUMP… Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him … faster… faster… BUMP… BUMP… BUMP… He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping… clappity-BUMP… clappity-BUMP… clappity-BUMP… on the heels of the terrified man. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the coffin starts breaking down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him. The man SCREAMS and reaches for something heavy, anything .. his hand comes to rest on a large bottle of Robitussin. Desperate, he throws the cough syrup as hard as he can at the apparition… and… the coffin stops!

Silly Joke #2

A lady went into a bar in Amarillo and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she’d ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it’s true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed. The cowboy grinned and said, “Shur’ is, little lady. Why don’t you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?” The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning, she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, “Well, thankee, ma’am. Ah’m real flattered. Ain’t nobody ever paid me fer mah services before.” “Don’t be flattered! Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit!”

Silly Joke #3

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.” “I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.” “I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.” “Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in an office. What am I going to do with you?” “Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”

Bonus Silly Joke

A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, ‘I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It is men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb. You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!’ The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde interrupts yelling, ‘You stay out of this!!! I’m talking to that little shit on your lap!!!’

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Quote #1

“Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile & who love you no matter what.” (Maya Angelou)

Quote #2

“Family isn’t defined only by last names or by blood; it’s defined by commitment and by love. It means showing up when they need it most. It means having each other’s backs. It means choosing to love each other even on those days when you struggle to like each other. It means never giving up on each other!” (Dave Willis)

Quote #3

“Family is life’s most precious gift and greatest blessing. An irreplaceable, close-knit group that works, plays, and loves together through the good times and the bad, whether near or far.” (Unknown)

Bonus Quote

“Families are like branches on a tree, we grow in different directions, yet our roots remain as one.” (Unknown)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“The Farewell”, An Emotionally Heartstring Pulling Movie About Keeping A Painful Secret At All Costs

Could you keep a secret at all costs from a family member or some other loved one from your life who was diagnosed with a terminal disease but didn’t know? That’s the very premise of a very emotionally heartstring pulling movie titled “The Farewell” starring Awkwafina as Billi and written and directed by Lulu Wang.

The film begins with Billi living her life far away from her roots in China in downtown New York City when she receives a phone call from her grandmother, who she affectionately refers to as her Nai Nai (played by Shuzhen Zhao). It’s obvious how close the two of them are, even though they haven’t seen each other in person in a long while. That’s all about to change though when Billi discovers from her parents, who actually brought Billi from Changchun, China some 25 years ago to America, that her Nai Nai has stage 4 lung cancer and has been given less than three months to live. Due to a Chinese tradition, the family has opted not to tell Nai Nai the truth about her health and instead decide to carry the burden for her. Chinese culture believes it’s far better for the person who’s diagnosed not to know, as it tends to make their remaining days on Earth far more positive. Nevertheless, everyone from Nai Nai’s family is in on the secret except for her of course and a wedding has been quickly arranged to bring the whole clan together under a much more hopeful pretense rather than a saddened one. Unfortunately, Billi is asked not to go by her parents because they don’t think she can keep the secret, yet Billi is determined to go anyway. Can Billi ultimately hide her sadness and spend a few of her Nai Nai’s remaining days connecting as they always do? That indeed becomes Billi’s greatest dilemma and hardest challenge she’s had to face in her life yet.

Watching this movie made me realize just how different Chinese culture is from our own. Here in America, the idea of keeping a terminal cancer diagnosis from the patient themselves seems utterly preposterous. Yet, in Asian culture, not knowing about a terminal diagnosis has actually proven to have beneficial effects on the patient, and in some cases led to much longer times of survival. I get that completely, as I can absolutely promise you that if I was diagnosed with a terminal illness and told I had very little time left, I’d probably just give up and crawl into my shell until I moved on from this plane of existence. On some level, that’s precisely why I don’t go to doctors anymore, because the news they always gave me did nothing but make me depressed and leave me with very little room for hope. That’s why I’ve lived with chronic pain for so long without doctor intervention because my hope has absolutely superseded what doctors first told me years ago.

Regardless, I’m not sure if I could keep a secret from say my partner Chris if his family suddenly told me they knew he had a terminal disease, but he didn’t. It’s not that my words would break the secret and bring the truth out though. It’s more like I don’t think I could hide the pain of it from my face or stifle the tears. I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve, which is precisely the battle Billi faces throughout the film.

“The Farewell” is mostly spent in subtitles and truly explores Eastern culture in a way that felt extremely genuine. It really helped me to understand just how different the Chinese-American culture is from the Chinese culture itself and kudos to Lulu Wang for creating such an authentic film on every level. There wasn’t a single moment where I felt like I was watching people acting, as more so it was as if I was watching the tragic events of a terrible diagnosis unfold before my eyes with a closely-knit family who truly loves and supports each other in ways I’m not sure I ever could. I fully expect this movie will garner a few awards season nominations when it arrives and I definitely give it five stars.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson