Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Four priests board a train for an overnight journey to an annual church council conference. They are all sharing a private room together. Shortly into the trip, one priest says, “Well, we’ve all worked together for many years, but don’t really know one another’s worst sin we struggle with the most. I suggest we do a confession right now.” They look nervously at each other but all nod OK. The first priest says, “Since I suggested it, I’ll go first. With me it’s the drink. Once a year I take off my collar and go out of town to a pub and drink myself blind to get it out of my system.” The other three look at each other nervously as the next priest slowly says, “Well……with me, it’s gambling. Once a year, I take my collar off and remove a considerable amount of money from the collections. I then head to the casino and typically spend it all on the blackjack tables to get it out of my system.” The third, who is really nervous now reluctantly says, “This is really difficult, as I think my sin is worse than both of yours. I take off my collar once a year and hire a prostitute. I usually spend all night with her to get it out of my system.” They all look at the fourth priest now who hasn’t gone yet. He doesn’t say anything. The first speaks, “Come now, we’ve all told our worst sin, now it’s your turn.” The fourth priest then looks at the others and starts hesitantly, “Well, once a year, I take off my collar and totally gossip about the juiciest confession I’ve heard and well, honestly, I can’t wait to get off this train!”

Silly Joke #2

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day! The day before he’s to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room. When he’s checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees:
Golf: $1.00
Dinner: $1.00
Room: $1.00.
Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00
He asks the Manager, “What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?” “I’m sorry, sir, said the manager, but you didn’t read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That’s what our golf balls cost.” “Well, said the man, If I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could’ve gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would’ve known what I was paying for!” “That’s right, sir, you could have, said the manager. Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the balls!”

Silly Joke #3

A well-respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said the friend. “I’ll be right over,” whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?” “Oh yes, quite serious,” said the doctor gravely. “In fact, three other doctors are there on the scene already!”

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he eventually finds a house and silently breaks into it, hoping to find money or guns, but only finds a young couple asleep in their bed. He immediately orders the guy out of the bed and ties him up in a chair. He then ties the girl up on the bed, after which he leans in and kisses her on the neck, then quickly gets up, and immediately goes to the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife, “Honey, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He’s probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. I don’t want him to get angry because he’ll probably kill us both if he does. Be strong, honey. We’ll make it through this! I love you!” The wife then responds, “Dear, he wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, We will make it through this! And I love you, too!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Today’s quotes are good ones surrounding yesterday’s article that was about when mistakes are made and finding forgiveness for them, something I believe our world needs a lot more of right now…

“Today I decided to forgive you. Not because you apologized, or because you acknowledged the pain that you caused me, but because my soul deserves peace.” (Najwa Zebian)

“Holding a grudge doesn’t make you strong; it makes you bitter. Forgiving doesn’t make you weak; it sets you free.” (Dave Willis)

“When you choose to forgive those who have hurt you, you take away their power.” (Unknown)

“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” (Brynt H. McGill)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Daily Reflection

“Everyone makes mistakes, if you can’t forgive others, don’t expect others to forgive you.” (Unknown)

I was driving on a highway a few weeks ago when I went into the next lane on my right. What I didn’t know was a car was already there in my blind spot. Thankfully, I didn’t hit them, which they let me know I was in the wrong with a strong blow of their horn. I was honestly grateful for the warning, as without it, my mistake could have turned into a major fender bender. What I didn’t know was going to happen was what came next. After realizing my mistake, I sped up and got away from the car, to give them enough space. I then got into the lane I needed to be for my upcoming exit. Suddenly, the other driver sped up and cut in front of me, braking hard, as if trying to set a strong example of how wrong I was. I became nervous over the situation, as I’ve seen things like this lately go very sideways and end in violence. So, I went back into the left lane and sped up enough to get several cars away from the individual. They proceeded to then follow me, right on my car’s tail end. When I came to my exit, I waited to the last second and then turned onto it, which they did as well. I wanted to believe I was just imagining what was happening, but I wasn’t. When I reached the next light that I normally go straight through to head home, I abruptly turned right, as did they. Now I was heading away from my home with an obviously very angry person still following me. When I reached the next stop sign, I took a right, which they did as well, keeping right with me. I became really scared at that point because there have been cases of serious road rage around here. I decided to drastically speed up at that point purposely trying to evade this person, which eventually I thankfully did.

Why people struggle to forgive mistakes like this and instead resort to anger and sometimes even violence, I don’t know. I’ve had many people almost hit me, cut me off, and sometimes even worse on the roads, which I simply just silently forgive them and let them be on their merry way. I rarely ever resort to even blowing my horn unless they don’t realize I’m there. Never do I feel the need to teach someone a lesson, to intimidate, or threaten anyone for a mistake they’ve made, regardless of what it is. I’ve learned far and wide in my life, that mistakes happen, and everyone is worthy and deserving of forgiveness, for even the worst of mistakes. And truly, if I can’t forgive, no matter what the mistake is, why should anyone ever forgive me when I make a mistake. Nevertheless, hopefully this angry driver who felt the need to follow me for over 15 minutes on the road may find forgiveness for whatever is going on in their life that would lead them to do such a thing in the first place, as I know ultimately this wasn’t really about me. Regardless, I’m quite sure whatever it is, that they were looking to diffuse their anger on anything, which I just happen to be the recipient of in that moment when I made the mistake. Mistakes happen. I only pray this individual may learn to forgive the next time it does.

Dear God, may I always forgive when a person makes a mistake that affects me, no matter what it is, as I know I’d want forgiveness if I made one, just as much as I know that not forgiving someone’s mistake is only going to cause me more harm to my spiritual journey than good.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson