If you are one of those who’s gone through a lot in life where much of what you’ve endured has left you scarred spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and maybe even physically, then maybe you might feel like I do, like you are damaged goods that no one wants.
I fight this feeling on many days over the last few years, where I really do feel like I am damaged goods at some store, on some shelf, on sale for some very low price, that most people just pass on by because it looks too tattered and torn. While that’s how I feel quite often in life these days, I continue to do my best to overcome it.
Truth is, I do have a lot of “scars” in my life that have led so many to avoid getting to know me because I’m not always that upbeat self like I once was. Having gone through what I have has definitely affected me incredibly and carrying as much physical pain as I do on most days, I struggle to be that beacon of sunshine that people like to gravitate towards to get to know. Thankfully, my partner Chris, a few dear friends, and my sister Laura overlook all this, and accept me as I am, something I’m so grateful for. Because on most days, I do feel more alone than not carrying the scars that I do.
I have watched over the years so many people drift in and out of my life due to these scars. Some have left as soon as they find out I’m a recovering alcoholic and addict, as they think they’ll be judged if they drink or do drugs or enjoy any other thing that I don’t do anymore due to former addictions. Others leave when they learn how troubled my past was with my parent’s tragic deaths or being molested by a coach, as it’s too intense for them to hear, usually due to shadows they haven’t faced within themselves yet. And lately, many seem to disappear from my life when they see the amount of physical and emotional pain I’m in. While they usually try to solve it at first for me, they tend to get frustrated when they can’t, blaming me somehow for the pain still being there, and then distancing themselves in the process.
All of this has left me quite tattered and torn, and feeling battered and tired. But there is One that I believe still sees me as beautiful as the day I was born into this life, that sees the good I continue to bring into this world as best as I can, and knows the caring and loving heart I still have, and that’s God. While many in this world may continue to see me with tainted and judgmental eyes, I believe that God sees me like no other.
While I don’t know exactly who or what God is, I know there is Something out there, up there, around me, and in me, that is beyond my understanding, that continues to give me just enough to keep going, to not give up, and is still willing to pay full price for this damaged good sitting on that store’s lonely sale shelf.
So, if you have ever felt like this, like you are damaged goods in this world, please take a moment, breathe, and know you aren’t alone. Know that God sees you far differently, as I do as well. God loves you unconditionally and so do I. While we may appear to be damaged goods to the rest of the world, know we will always be priceless in God’s eyes and heart.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson