Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods. Their names were Rufus and Clarence. They lived on opposite sides of the river, and they hated each other. Every morning, just after sunrise, Rufus and Clarence would go down to their respective sides of the river and yell at each other. “RUFUS!!” Clarence would shout. “You better thank your lucky stars that I can’t swim . . . or I’d swim this river and whup your butt!!” “CLARENCE!!” Rufus would holler back, “You better thank YOUR lucky stars that I can’t swim . . . or I’d swim this river and whup your skinny butt!!!” This went on every morning. Every day. Twenty years. One day the Army Corps of Engineers came and built a bridge. Still, every morning the feuding across the river continued. Finally, Rufus wife has had enough. “Rufus!” she yells, one day. “I can’t take no more!! Every day for 20 years, you’ve been threatenin’ to whup Clarence. Well, there’s the bridge…have at it!” Rufus thought for a moment. Chewed his bottom lip for another moment. “Woman!” he declared, snapping his suspenders into place. “I’m gonna whup Clarence’s butt!!!” He walked out the door, down to the river, along the riverbank, came to the bridge, stepped up onto the bridge, walked about halfway, looked up….TURNED TAIL AND RAN SCREAMING BACK TO THE HOUSE, SLAMMED THE DOOR, BOLTED THE WINDOWS, GRABBED THE SHOTGUN AND DIVED, PANTING AND GASPING, UNDER THE BED!!!!! “Rufus!” cried the misses. “I thought you was gonna whup Clarence’s butt!!!” “I was, woman, I was!!” he whispered. “Rufus!” cried the misses. “What in tarnation is the matter?” “Well,” muttered the terror-stricken Rufus, “I went to the bridge…I stepped up on the bridge…walked halfway over the bridge…looked up…” “And?” she asked, breathless with suspense. “And,” continued Rufus, “I saw a sign that said, “Clearance, 13 feet, 6 inches” He ain’t never looked THAT big from the other side of the river!!!!!”

Silly Joke #2

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. ‘So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?’ The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, ‘Ehhhh .. 22!’ The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. ‘And can you tell us your height, please?’ The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, ‘Five foot two!’ This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. ‘And uhh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?’ The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, ‘Mandy!’ The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, ‘Just out of curiosity, Miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?’ ‘Ohh that!’ replies the blonde, ‘That’s just me running through ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you….”

Silly Joke #3

A couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. She recognized him as an old flame. “Honey,” she said to her husband, as she pointed out the man, “that guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago.” Her husband said, “That’s silly, no one celebrates that long!!”

Bonus Silly Joke

This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for supper. Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the air-conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. “I can’t believe you’re asking me about supper right now! Imagine I’m out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself.” So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea. The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, “You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?” “Well, you did say to imagine you were out of town now didn’t you?”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Question For The Day

Today’s question is…

What’s the worst sickness you’ve ever gone through in your entire life?

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step

What Does Getting COVID-19 Feel Like? This Is Just My Story And Battle With It…

COVID-19 is like nothing I’ve ever battled before within me. No matter how healthy my normal day-to-day living was prior to getting it, didn’t seem to matter once I got it. While many have contracted COVID-19 by this point, I’m envious of the ones who were lucky enough to be asymptomatic or with minimum symptoms. Unfortunately, I wasn’t one of them, as it was exceptionally hard upon my system. In light of that, I decided I wanted to share my story and battle with COVID-19 with all of you.

Look, I’ve had the flu before, a number of times in my life for that matter, and if there’s one thing I know with the flu that I can do is flush it out of me pretty rapidly. Anytime I’ve gotten the flu I simply drink tons and tons of water and usually within a few days I’m free of it. But, COVID-19 isn’t the flu even though many try to claim it’s just a really bad case of it. In fact, I wouldn’t even put it in the same category as the flu after going through this. Because no matter how much water I consumed, no matter how many healthy foods I ate, no matter how many hours of sleep I got, and no matter how much light household exercise I did, the virus kept its terrible grip upon me day after day after day after day for a long period of time.

My battle with it actually began on January 2nd, 2021 in the late afternoon. For what started out as only some teeth pain, a light headache and a low-grade fever, quickly spiraled out of control into total debilitation of me lying in bed for almost 4 straight days with pounding pain and pressure in my skull, no appetite, non-stop low-grade fevers, coughing with phlegm, aches and soreness around my body, loss of smell and taste, and reduction in my ability to breathe deeply from my lungs.

My first bout of relief with this virus came towards the end of my fourth day of it when my fever broke. Given my knowledge of viruses prior, I assumed things would immediately improve from there on out. But remember, this isn’t a normal virus, it’s not a normal flu, and it’s a pandemic for a reason. Because one main characteristic of this virus is how it keeps coming back again and again and again, each time you think it’s over. I lost track of the number of times my fever broke and then would go right back up again. Beyond the sheer frustration of that, COVID-19 does affect everyone differently in regards to overall symptoms. The following is a detailed list of what I experienced:

  1. My teeth hurt a lot in the first week, like I had braces again.
  2. I developed several sties, especially in my left eye that swelled the entire upper and lower eyelid areas.
  3. Bowel movements were minimal and high yellow in color when they did occur, fluctuating from painful to pass, to diarrhea-based.
  4. While my body was feverish, parts of it like my hands, feet and nose remained ice-cold.
  5. When I wasn’t feverish, I’d still break out in these cold sweats spontaneously.
  6. I had head pain that ranged from what might feel like if you are in caffeine withdrawal, to a stabbing migraine where you can’t even move your head.
  7. I felt tons of pressure in my forehead through it all and had all the symptoms of a head cold.
  8. I had to urinate frequently throughout the day and night, sometimes even when I hadn’t consumed any liquids for a good while.
  9. Even though my taste and smell were severely impaired, I occasionally would still smell something rancid in my nostrils and taste something metallic on my tongue.
  10. Coughing was a huge frustration with massive quantities of phlegm being brought up each time I hacked away, always starting with this tickle in the back of my throat.
  11. I always felt like I was stuffed up, but blowing my nose generally did nothing but bring out some flecks of blood and a little mucus.
  12. I developed a severely itchy and painful fever rash that broke out on my chest and back and looked almost as if I had a case of the chicken pox.
  13. My breathing felt restricted quite a bit, especially when taking deep breath, often causing tingling sensations in my hands and feet as if they weren’t getting enough oxygen to them.
  14. I had no energy and no matter how many hours I slept, I remained feeling that way, leaving me with this hopelessness feeling overall.
  15. I had chills even when I wasn’t feverish and always felt cold overall.

I do want to mention a few generalities I experienced in my battle with COVID as well. Nights were worse than days. All of my fever and symptom spikes came late at night usually. My mood fluctuated rapidly from sedate to angry. I questioned my sanity more than not given how long it lasted. My hypochondria became extreme because of how much it affected me and ultimately, I really longed for my deceased mother to be back alive solely to hold me and tell me it was going to be ok.

In the end, I came to learn the hard way that COVID-19 is not just a bad case of the flu. It’s not something to joke about. And it’s definitely not something to be taken lightly. I was one of those who initially believed life should just go back to normal and to let the virus run its course on our planet. How naïve and ignorant I was. Thankfully, I’m not anymore after experiencing this virus firsthand. I sincerely hope you don’t have to go through what I did to learn this though, especially being that it’s now 17 days into my battle with COVID and I’m still dealing with frustrating symptoms from it.

Nevertheless, if you are someone who has survived this virus after having a difficult case of it, then you probably have the one thing now that I gained from enduring it, and that’s compassion for those still suffering from it. I pray for everyone who’s dealt with COVID or still dealing with it, including the many losses of life it has caused. May God be with us all.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson