Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California in 1999. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump. “What can I do for ya’ll?” asks the attendant. “Fill ‘er up with high test,”replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he’s looking the car up and down. “What kinda car is this?” he asks. “I never seen one like it before.” “Well,” responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, “This, my boy is a brand new Cadillac DeVille.” “What all’s it got in it?” asks the attendant. “Well,” says the driver, “It has everything. It’s loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, an 8.8 liter V12 engine.” “Wow,” says the attendant, “That’s really something!” “How much do I owe you for the gasoline?” asks the driver. “That’ll be $30.17,” says the attendant. The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees. “What are those little wooden things?” asks the attendant. “That’s what I put my balls on when I drive,” says the driver. “Wow,” says the attendant, “Those Cadillac people have thought of everything!”

Silly joke #2

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. “Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled. “I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.” The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime. “Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk.”

Silly Joke #3

The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she’d send her husband a text while she was out having coffee with a friend. She texted:

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.

The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back:

I’m on the toilet.
Please advise.

Bonus Silly Jokes

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, “What’s the story?”
He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor”
She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. 

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Quote #1

“When someone walks out of your life, let them. There’s no use in wasting your time on people that leave you. What you make of yourself and your future is no longer tied to them. Yes, you may miss them, but remember that you weren’t the first one who gave up.” (Kiara Sellars)

Quote #2

“If people suddenly leave me or give up on me without any reasons, it’s their loss, not mine.” (Unknown)

Quote #3

“If someone doesn’t want me in their life, then that person must not be pursued or forced to take me. Because, firstly, it’s a matter of their choice who they want in their life. And secondly, it’s a matter of my own self-respect and dignity. Period.” (Shilanjan)

Bonus Quote

“If a loved one suddenly leaves your life with no explanation, it’s ok. Why? Because the Universe always opens another door to a new connection after one closes, and quite often that new connection is exactly what you’ve been needing all along!” (Andrew Arthur Dawson)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

When Getting Unfriended By Someone Close To Me Led To A Spiritual Breakthrough…

I was unfriended recently by someone I considered very close to me. There was no explanation given, no discussion prior, leaving me truly shocked, angry, and sad. It’s someone I looked up to and considered a peer who had previously promised me that if there ever was trouble between the two of us, any boundaries crossed, or any problems, they would let me know. They didn’t, which led me to doing the very thing I’ve done for most of my life in situations like this, I totally blamed myself…for all of it…without even really knowing why it even happened in the first place.

Sadly, whenever any conflict or disconnect arises with close friends, family, or my partner, I often end up taking the total blame, especially if they start to distance themselves from me. It’s a bad codependent pattern that began back with my mother and one I’ve continued to see is still a negative factor in my life at times. My unfortunate reality for a long time is that I often say “I’m sorry” for conflicts with others before even knowing the real truth behind those conflicts, which in this case is no different.

I truly don’t know the reason why this person left my life as abruptly as they did, and for that alone, I shouldn’t be blaming myself. Regrettably, I tend to think that everything is my fault only because of how much I got blamed for the world’s problems when I was a kid in the dysfunctional family I grew up in. My sister and I discovered many letters in our parent’s office when we were cleaning out their house to sell it, where each was us apologizing for their drinking, their arguments, and so much of their life’s conflicts. How that translates in this situation is that I must have said something or done something to make this person unfriend me. When the fact is, they are the one who took the action to leave without communicating the why, so it’s on them, not me.

Believe me, there are many times when I’ve discovered I’m actually at fault for some of the disconnects and conflicts that have arisen, but that’s only if they’ve gotten communicated with me. When there is no communication though, it ultimately is in the other person’s court to deal with, not mine. It’s sad that I carried the total blame ever since my childhood for so many conflicts and disconnects, even when I didn’t know the real reasons behind them. That’s why my anger arose when this person suddenly unfriended me. It triggered the pain of continuing to live out this pattern, of people abruptly departing from my life without any explanation and me owning it must have been because of me.

I’ve decided in light of this, that I am no longer going to accept this type of behavior in my life. I’m not going to accept ownership of when someone suddenly departs from my life or distances themselves from me without letting me know the reasons for it and giving us the chance to work through it. While I’m always willing to own my side of the street, (Thank you 12 Step recovery!) I refuse to own someone else’s side of the street anymore, like in this case, with someone abruptly exiting my life with no explanation given. It’s their side of the street to clean up this action, not mine.

While it’s my hope that this person will eventually reach out to me and work through whatever the situation is, in the meantime, I must accept this is their baggage to carry, not mine. It’s time to start taking my life back, my power back, and my innocence back. Because the fact is, I’m a good person who is willing to work on himself, who is willing to change, who is always trying to better himself. If someone I care about decides to leave my life with no explanation given, it’s their loss and burden to carry, not mine, and honestly, I feel so much better in finally making this declaration, as it’s one I should have made long ago…

Peace, love, light and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson