Don’t Take Someone Else’s Inventory!

If there’s one thing that probably troubles me the most in living out a life of sobriety and recovery from addiction is when someone else, who’s also living the same starts taking my inventory. If you don’t know what that means, then you’ll probably relate to its Biblical counterpart that can be found in Matthew 7:3 where Jesus once said, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

Why I bring this up today stems directly from an incident that happened during the Christmas holidays while visiting my sister’s family. One of my favorite things to enjoy on Christmas Day is a dessert my mother prepared for our family as far back as I can remember. The dessert’s called “Grasshopper Pie”. What I didn’t know back then was that the pie contained a few tablespoons of alcohol within it. And while I do know that now, I still enjoy having a single slice of it whenever it’s made, because it’s a family tradition and something I absolutely am not attempting to consume to get any type of high or buzz. Yet, unfortunately, my decision to go ahead and eat it seemed to cause a stir within my sister’s husband who opted to tell me that I needed to call my sponsor if I was going to enjoy my annual favorite. He also said I’d need to change my sobriety date and continued to share his opinion on the matter for a good while.

So how did I handle it? I told my brother-in-law that I was ok with my decision to still consume the dessert and ok with my recovery program as well. What I really wanted to say though, was that he needed to take his own inventory. But, I felt that would have sounded rather confrontational, which is the last thing I wanted to happen, especially for my sister’s benefit, so I held my tongue.

Nevertheless, many people in recovery take each other’s inventory every day, some quite oblivious to how often they do it too! Unfortunately, I too have been guilty of it at times, yet it’s something I’m far more aware of these days. I realized in recent years that I need to keep the focus on myself and work on the things I can change within me, even when I see someone doing behaviors that I might not agree with.

That being said, I had a big struggle with this just last week when I opted to confront one of my friends because they continue to be dishonest with their sobriety, both to themselves and their partner, and have been for many years now. I judged them and took their inventory, when the best thing I could have done was hold my tongue and continue to pray for them as I have been. While it is true how I felt, I was disappointed in how I handled things and didn’t feel very good about myself afterward.

In light of that, I recognized there are specifically two different type of scenarios where I’ve taken someone else’s inventory. One stems from when I too am engaging in the same type of behavior I’m judging in them, but I don’t want to look in the mirror and acknowledge I’m doing it as well. The other? Well that’s a little more complicated and stems from the ongoing health issues I’m continuing to battle in life. You see, there are days like the day I confronted this friend, where I allow my physical pain levels to control my actions. Where I allow my frustration with the fact I’m doing my absolute best to live a healthy, honest, integrity-based life and still suffer so greatly, when others seem to be doing whatever they feel like and not having any consequences from their actions.

Even still, I know it’s not right of me to judge anyone, regardless of my level of pain, because we are all flawed and I believe only God should be the one to judge any of us really. And of course, none of us ultimately like anyone taking our inventory and judging us, so shouldn’t we remember that the next time we find ourselves doing so?

Bottom line. Don’t take someone else’s inventory! Instead, look at your own…wise words I know I need to continue practicing…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Question To Ponder For The Day

In yesterday’s blog, I reflected upon my gratitude for both of my Grandmothers who left me with a vast amount of wonderful memories of my time with them when they were alive. In light of that, what are some of your fondest memories you have of either of your Grandmothers?

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday where I reflect each week upon a piece of gratitude to start my week off on a positive note, which for today is dedicated to my Grandmother’s Elsa and Kathleen, two women who left me plenty of wonderful memories.

My two Grandmothers couldn’t have been any more different. With my Mother’s mother Kathleen, she was super-athletic and someone who had incredible energy all the time. She really was quite the boisterous one as well. I fondly remember her always able to hold her two fingers in her mouth and whistle so loud it made my ears hurt. It was her special call to get me to come home whenever I was visiting her home in Houston, Texas. She loved bowling, golf, basketball, baseball and more and would engage in each of those sports with me when I was a young kid. With my parents not being overly athletic, it was nice having a family member who would do things like shoot some hoops with me. My Grandmother also had an infectious laugh that would light up any room and I honestly can’t remember a time when she wasn’t smiling and happy. I loved spending time with her at her house on Lake Houston, where she’d tell stories, catch up with the latest sports news, and do Jumble puzzles with me.

Ironically, my Father’s mother Elsa was almost the total opposite of her though. Reserved, elegant, and deeply intuitive, most of my time with her was spent introspectively. We often talked current events while enjoying homemade popovers and oatmeal every morning whenever I visited her home in Glen Cove, NY. She made the best Thanksgiving dinners too and I loved sitting at any table with her while eating my meals because she always had so many interesting things to talk about during them. She was ultimately someone who brought out my intellect in many ways, including taking me to theater, exposing me to the arts, and dining out at a number of fancy restaurants. I mustn’t forget our many visits to her local beach on the Long Island Sound and teaching me a number of card games as well. But I do need to give her credit to the one athletic thing she did do that seemed almost contrary to her personality, that being her ability to play ping-pong. She was pretty fierce whenever we’d play and she taught me every trick in the game.

So, as you can see, I have a lot to be grateful for when it comes to my Grandmothers because each helped me to become much of who I am today. Truthfully, I sometimes think I miss them more than my own parents because I never experienced any major drama with either of them and they always saw the best in me, rather than constantly telling me I could do better. Kathleen was my sports fan and an avid supporter of my talent in swimming and basketball, while Elsa was there for my scholastic achievements. While I know my parents were proud of me in their own way and did the best they could, it’s my Grandmothers who constantly made sure to remind me whenever I was with them how special I was. That’s probably why my visits to both of their homes over the years are some of my best memories in life thus far. They certainly left me a legacy of warm love and memories that still to this day, decades after their deaths, I can remember fondly and for that I am truly grateful for them both…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson