Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Four priests board a train for an overnight journey to an annual church council conference. They are all sharing a private room together. Shortly into the trip, one priest says, “Well, we’ve all worked together for many years, but don’t really know one another’s worst sin we struggle with the most. I suggest we do a confession right now.” They look nervously at each other but all nod OK. The first priest says, “Since I suggested it, I’ll go first. With me it’s the drink. Once a year I take off my collar and go out of town to a pub and drink myself blind to get it out of my system.” The other three look at each other nervously as the next priest slowly says, “Well……with me, it’s gambling. Once a year, I take my collar off and remove a considerable amount of money from the collections. I then head to the casino and typically spend it all on the blackjack tables to get it out of my system.” The third, who is really nervous now reluctantly says, “This is really difficult, as I think my sin is worse than both of yours. I take off my collar once a year and hire a prostitute. I usually spend all night with her to get it out of my system.” They all look at the fourth priest now who hasn’t gone yet. He doesn’t say anything. The first speaks, “Come now, we’ve all told our worst sin, now it’s your turn.” The fourth priest then looks at the others and starts hesitantly, “Well, once a year, I take off my collar and totally gossip about the juiciest confession I’ve heard and well, honestly, I can’t wait to get off this train!”

Silly Joke #2

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day! The day before he’s to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room. When he’s checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees:
Golf: $1.00
Dinner: $1.00
Room: $1.00.
Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00
He asks the Manager, “What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?” “I’m sorry, sir, said the manager, but you didn’t read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That’s what our golf balls cost.” “Well, said the man, If I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could’ve gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would’ve known what I was paying for!” “That’s right, sir, you could have, said the manager. Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the balls!”

Silly Joke #3

A well-respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said the friend. “I’ll be right over,” whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?” “Oh yes, quite serious,” said the doctor gravely. “In fact, three other doctors are there on the scene already!”

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he eventually finds a house and silently breaks into it, hoping to find money or guns, but only finds a young couple asleep in their bed. He immediately orders the guy out of the bed and ties him up in a chair. He then ties the girl up on the bed, after which he leans in and kisses her on the neck, then quickly gets up, and immediately goes to the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife, “Honey, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He’s probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. I don’t want him to get angry because he’ll probably kill us both if he does. Be strong, honey. We’ll make it through this! I love you!” The wife then responds, “Dear, he wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, We will make it through this! And I love you, too!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Little Johnny came running out of the bathroom in tears. “What’s the matter?” asked his father. “I dropped my toothbrush in the toilet…” Little Johnny said teary-eyed. “Okay, don’t worry, but we’d better throw it out…” his father responded lovingly. So the father fished the toothbrush out of the toilet and put it in the garbage. When he returned, the boy was holding another toothbrush. “Isn’t that my toothbrush?” the father said. “Yes,” said Little Johnny, “I think we’d better throw this one out too, because it fell in the toilet four days ago!”

Silly Joke #2

Two men were down at the pub talking. The first man said, “My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won’t let me do any work around the house. It’s incredible !” The second man says, “That’s nothing. My wife thinks I’m God!” The “first man then said, “She thinks you’re God? What makes you say that?” The second man then smiles and says, “Well, every night I come home after work and sit down at the table where she places a burnt offering before me!”

Silly Joke #3

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds’ legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species. The student looked at each of the birds’ legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the madder he got. Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor’s desk and said, “What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?” With that the student threw his test on the professor’s desk and walked to the door. The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn’t know every student’s name so as the student reached the door the professor called, “Sir, what’s your name?” The enraged student then pulled up his pant legs and said, “Well, why don’t you tell me buddy!!!”

Bonus Silly Joke

A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One afternoon they couldn’t contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished, they fell asleep, not waking until 8 o’clock that night. They got dressed quickly. Then the man asked his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn. Bewildered, she did as he asked, thinking him pretty weird. The man finally got home and his wife met him at the door. Upset, she asked where he’d been. The man replied, “I can not tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love, and then fell asleep. That’s why I’m late.” The wife looked at him, took notice of his shoes, and yelled, “I can see those are grass stains on your shoes. YOU LIAR! You’ve been playing golf again, haven’t you?”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1 (2 quick ones)

A blonde lady in the pet shop asks about buying a gold fish. The salesperson ask if she needed an aquarium. She replied, ‘I really don’t care what sign it is.’

A husband was angrily throwing darts at his wife’s photo tacked to his dart board in the basement. He hadn’t successfully hit it yet when suddenly his wife called to him downstairs.
Wife:  “Honey, what are you doing down there?”
Husband: “MISSING YOU, DEAR!”

Silly Joke #2

Store Manager: “I saw you arguing with that customer who just left. I told you before that the customer is always right!!! Do you understand me?!”
Salesclerk: “Yes, sir. The customer is always right.”
Store Manager: “That’s better. Now what were you arguing with the customer about?”
Salesclerk: “Well, sir, he said you were an idiot…”

Silly Joke #3

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, “Daddy, what is sex?” The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the “birds and the bees.” When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, “Why did you ask this question anyway?” The little girl replied, “Well, mommy told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in a couple of secs.”

Bonus Silly Joke

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his testicles weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn’t know what to do with him. Then, the chief surgeon who had a terrible sense of humor walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, “We don’t know what to do with this baby.” So the chief surgeon took one look and said, “I think we might need to put him in the mental ward.” “Why would ever say such a thing?” asked the head nurse shocked he’d say such a thing. “Well…” replied the chief surgeon, “Take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson