Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

While making his rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical students with him. As you can see, he says, the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. The doctor turns to one of the students and asks, “What would you do in a case like this?” The student responds quickly, “Well, I suppose I’d limp, too..”

Silly Joke #2

Little Johnny was asked what he wanted most for his birthday and he declared: “A baby sister.” “Daddy and I would like to give you a baby sister,” said her mom, “but there isn’t enough time before your birthday dear. Little Johnny looked sad and said, ”Well, why can’t you do like they do down at Daddy’s factory when they want something in a hurry and just put some more men on the job?

Silly Joke #3

A proctologist walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to write with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, “Well that’s great, just great! Some asshole’s got my pen!”

Bonus Silly Joke (3 quick ones!)

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it.”

“Hey, did you know that statistics are now showing that people are choosing cremation over traditional burial more than ever before?” said the funeral director to his business partner. “Well, I guess then they are really starting to think outside the box!” responded his business partner.

“Someone broke into our garage last night and took a bunch of stuff Mom, including my limbo stick! Can you believe it?!” said Suzie to her mother. “Seriously? I mean how low can you go!” responded her mother.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1 (3 quick ones!)

Judge: Silence in court! The next person who laughs again will be thrown out of court.
Accused: Hahahaha
Judge: I wasn’t talking to you!

A truck loaded with Vick’s Vapor Rub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours!

The CEO of IKEA was just elected president in Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.

Silly Joke #2

At a meeting, the Boss told a joke.
Everyone on the team laughed except one guy.
The Boss asked him, ‘Didn’t you understand my joke?’
The guy replied, ‘Oh I understood it, but I resigned this morning.’

Silly Joke #3

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alain for companionship. One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?” The Fairy Godmother replied “Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?” Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish “I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.” Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Alain, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear. Cinderella said “Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother”. The Fairy Godmother replied “It is the least I can do. What does your heart wish for your second wish?” Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said “I wish I was young and full of the beauty of youth again”. At once, her wish having been desired, became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage had returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her very soul. Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke “You have one more wish, what shall you have?” Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said “I wish you to transform Alain my old cat into a beautiful and handsome young man”. Magically, Alain suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up, that when complete he stood before her, a boy, so beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet. The Fairy Godmother again spoke “Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life.” And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone. For a few eerie moments, Alain and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen. Then Alain walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms. He then said, “Why, oh why Cinderella, did you have to neuter me!!!”

Bonus Silly Joke (2 blond ones!)

A week after her marriage, a gorgeous blond paid a visit to her doctor.
“I can’t figure it out doc, and I’m really worried,” said the blond.” My husband’s testicles are turning blue.” “That’s pretty unusual,” said the doctor. “Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed?” “Yes, I am,” she replied.” And what kind of jelly are you using with it?” “Grape.”

Jenny, a beautiful blond decided to finally check out a church for the first time. After arriving, the church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles.There was silence in the entire sanctuary until Jenny’s voice was suddenly heard, loudly singing: “Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the mess has been cleared up, and inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement. “Okay Simpson,” says the investigator, “you were near the scene, what happened?” “Well, it’s like this. Old Charley Higgins was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up.” “He was smoking in the mixing room?” the investigator said in stunned horror, “How long has he been with the company?” “About 20 years, sir” “20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room, I’d have thought it would have been the last thing he’d have done.” “Sadly, it was, sir.”

Silly Joke #2

Patient 1: ‘Why did you run away from the operation table?’
Patient 2: ‘The nurse was repeatedly saying ‘don’t get nervous’, ‘don’t be afraid’, ‘be strong’, ‘this is a small operation only’, things like that.’
Patient 1: ‘So what was wrong in that? Why were you so afraid?’
Patient 2: ‘Because she was talking to the surgeon!’

Silly Joke #3

A husband and wife are sitting on the couch watching TV. The wife looks at the husband and he is staring at the ceiling above her head, she looks up and asks, “What are you staring at dear?”
“A spider,” he replies.
“I don’t see anything,” she says.
“Well, it must have fallen on your head then,” he said calmly.
The wife jumps up screaming and frantically swishing her hands through her hair.
The man says, “Hey hon, while you’re up, can you get me another beer?”

Bonus Silly Joke (2 for good measure!)

A literature teacher is explaining the power of poems and stories. “Have you ever read something that made you cry?” She said to her students. One of her students suddenly blurted out, “Yeah, when I saw the grade you gave me on my last paper!!!”

One day, Mom was cleaning junior’s room, and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. She finally asked him, ” Well what should we do about this?” Dad looked at her and said, “Well I don’t think you should spank him.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson