Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients. When he saw the first visitor to his office come through the door, he immediately picked up his phone and spoke into it,” I’m sorry, but my caseload is so tremendous that I’m not going to be able to look into your problem for at least a month. I’ll have to get back to you then.” He then turned to the man who had just walked in, and said, “Now, what can I do for you?” “Nothing,” replied the man. “I’m here to hook up your phone.” 

Silly Joke #2

At the retreat, a couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words ‘sex’ and ‘love.’ The woman wrote: “When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and that they respect each other very much, just like Sam and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act physical sex with one another.” And Sam wrote: “I love sex.”

Silly Joke #3

HR: “This is your revised salary. We recommend you keep it confidential.”
Employee: “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that, I’m equally ashamed of it.”

Bonus Silly Joke

The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just has a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that. The teenager tells her “Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!” and out she goes. The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate. “Loosen up, sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was too hard of work for him now. His only son, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Son:

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad:

For heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up that garden. That’s where I buried the BODIES.

Love, your son.

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

A few days later, the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad:

Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It’s the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love, your son.

Silly Joke #2

A nurse had to take her female patient back to her room after surgery. The woman was still feeling the effects of the anesthetic and was rather confused. After the nurse had made her comfortable, she went back to her station where she was suddenly confronted with several of her patient’s friends who asked, “How is she?” The nurse replied, “Oh, she’s quite dopey.” One of the friends said, “We know that, but how is she health-wise?”

Silly Joke #3

A rabbi, a priest and a minister have their houses of worship side by side, so they decide to carpool. On the first day, the other two are shocked to see the pastor lay hands on the hood and pray silently. “What are you doing?” the priest asks. The pastor looks up. “I’m just dedicating the car to the Lord’s service.” “Good idea! Be right back!” the priest exclaims, running into his church. He emerges with a bulb on a short stick, shaking water out of it onto the car. The rabbi stares. “What are you doing?” he says. “I’m consecrating it with holy water,” the priest replies. “Great idea!” the rabbi says, and runs into his synagogue’s toolshed. He emerges with a hacksaw and takes off an inch of the tailpipe.

Bonus Silly Joke

A man walked into a new psychologist’s office looking very depressed. “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.” “What’s the problem?” the psychologist inquired. “Well, I’m 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.””My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you’ll have women buzzing all around you.” The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. “Did my advice not work?” asked the doctor. “It worked alright. For the past several weeks I’ve enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women.” “So, what’s the problem then?” “I don’t have a problem,” the man replied. “But, my wife does.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A soldier was stationed abroad and received a “Dear John” letter from his girlfriend back home. It read: “Dear Dave, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated twice, since you’ve been gone, and it’s not fair to either of us. I’m sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent you. Love, Kim.” The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of Kim, Dave included all the other pictures of pretty girls he had collected from his buddies. There were 43 photos in the envelope along with a note that read: “Dear Kim, I’m so sorry but I can’t remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me. Take care, Dave.”

Silly Joke #2

A couple return from their honeymoon and it’s obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom’s best man takes him aside and asks what is wrong. “Well,” replied the man, “when we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking.” “Oh, you shouldn’t worry about that too much,” said his friend, “I’m sure your wife will get over it soon enough – she can’t expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!” The groom nodded gently and said, “I don’t know if I can get over it though, she gave me $20 change.”

Silly Joke #3

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What’s your name?” he asked the new guy. “John,” the new guy replied. The manager scowled, “Look… I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only … Smith, Jones, Baker … That’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?” The new guy sighed, “Darling. My name is John Darling.” “Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . ”

Bonus Silly Joke

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ”Well, you see that 3-pack? That’s for when you’re in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.” The son then asks his father, ”What’s the 6-pack for?” The father replies, ”Well, that’s for when you’re in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.” Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for. The father replies, ”Well, that’s for when you’re married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for…..”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson