The number one thing that people have often told me is how intense of a person I can be. Intense in my demeanor, intense in my conversations, intense in my spiritual walk, yup, that about sums it up. And yes, I completely agree, because I am intense and that’s ok, but for some it’s not, as I’ve experienced over the past five years or so.
While plenty of people simply like to hang out and just keep the topics of conversation loose and as far from serious as possible, I tend to be bored when that happens. Like I am when conversations surround sexual banter, political dissent, judgments about people in general, or on what money has allowed someone to experience.
Frankly, none of that interests me anymore, although at one point I must admit it did.
Nowadays though, what I enjoy talking about the most are things that many have said are too intense for them like holistic healing modalities, the mind/body connection, energetic climatic shifts, God “coincidences”, strange cultural changes I’ve been noticing in the world, etc. And to be perfectly honest, I’m also that type of guy who likes to really talk about feelings and emotions when hanging out with someone.
Except, none of that seems to be what many others enjoy doing when hanging out. Take for example when I go see a movie with a friend. While I like to reflect upon how it affected me spiritually, most of them only like to say whether they enjoyed it or not and leave it at that.
Does that make me an intense person, maybe so?
Or maybe it’s because I’m a man of integrity and return phone calls and messages promptly and want my friends to do the same.
Or maybe it’s because I enjoy talking about God a lot no matter where I am or what I’m doing and like when my friends do as well?
Or maybe it’s because I give very strong eye contact to those I spend time with and ask questions that are personal and not superficial and hope my friends do the same with me?
The reality is that it could be all of these things that make me an intense person or none of them. I don’t know precisely what it is that makes people say I’m an intense person, but I accept that I am and I know it’s not for everyone. Usually I find that out when people stop contacting me to make plans and don’t return my calls anymore. Because each time I’ve pushed the issue to find out why that’s happening, I’ve learned the answer is always the same, that I’m too intense for them.
Well, that’s ok. Because I am who I am. Sure, I could lower my vibration and talk about sex like I used to. I could talk about tops and bottoms and other sexual positions, but where did that get me? Nowhere but acting out regularly in addiction and feeling completely empty feeling in life.
And sure, I could talk about things like President Trump or any of the prior presidents with disdain and complain about the state of the nation, but where did that get me. Nowhere but feeling only more negative in this world that’s already filled with too much of that.
And let’s not forget about money. I could talk for hours and hours about what money has afforded me in the past, and all the places I’ve been to, and all the things I accumulated, yet doing so only ever caused me to covet more in life, especially the things others had done that I hadn’t yet.
So yes, my life has totally shifted to a much more intense type of person. One who cares about being spiritually healthy in both my words and all my day to day actions. And if that’s too intense for someone to hang out with me, I’m becoming more and more ok with that.
Because frankly, I want to be around those who spiritually challenge me to go higher. I want to be around those who see what’s happening in this world and want to talk about it, and maybe even do something about it. I want to be around those who are concerned with their energetic vibration, instead of how they can come into more money or who’s hot and who’s not.
Does that make me intense? Well, according to others, it does. But that’s ok and I accept that. I’m not everybody’s cup of tea. In fact, I’m truly a very select brand of tea that only a few seem to enjoy on any consistent type of basis. Accepting that reality has been an arduous process, yet important nonetheless.
Because accepting myself as an intense type of person, instead of constantly trying to change it to please others, has helped me to love myself far more unconditionally. And just as important, it’s also allowed God to bring people like Karen W., Robb D., Frank M., Steve F., and a few others into my life, who embrace my intensity with unconditional love, which is the very thing that I know Christ would do with me if He were alive today.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
