Category: Healing From Chronic Pain And Illness

There have been so many times over the last few years where I’ve found myself questioning whether God even exists. With the amount of pain and suffering I’ve had for over ten years now with little to no relief and countless unanswered prayers surrounding it’s plaguing persistence, I’ve been having this existential crisis of faith more than not these days.

While faith has been the very thing that’s kept me going thus far, it’s also led me to having this daily philosophical debate with myself surrounding the existence of God. Chronic pain and suffering of any sort seem to have a way of doing this. And for people of faith, when things aren’t going their way, that often seems to become the case, especially when chronic pain and suffering get involved. Everyone knows how easy it is to follow God and praise God when life is going their way. But when life falls apart, and remains fallen apart for a good chunk of time, it’s becomes just as easy for one to lose their faith and belief in God.

I’m sure many on this planet are currently going through their own crises of faith in light of this ongoing pandemic that has taken so many souls already from this planet. The loss of a loved one, specifically when it’s taken abruptly, truly can make one question whether God exists. I went through that very thing after my father took his life, as well as when my mother had her tragic drunken fall down the stairs. After both of their deaths, I went through a number of years wondering whether God was just something people made up. But, I never fully stopped believing in God, even when I doubted in God greatly back then, and somehow that faith kept me going through it all. Somehow that faith kept me supported through all the pain and suffering I faced surrounding my parent’s deaths. I can absolutely attest that if I hadn’t had my faith during those periods after their deaths, I would have turned to hard core addictions and probably taken my life like they did.

That being said, I’ve kept my faith in God over the past decade, even as so many years passed one by one with such great pain and suffering. But that’s not to say that all this chronic pain and suffering hasn’t corrupted my mind, because it has, especially as this pandemic has left me at home more than not to sit in my pain and suffering, with relatively nothing to keep my brain occupied from it. That’s a really dangerous place for an addict of my nature to be in and I’ve had to fight off many urges of wanting to give into carnal desires to numb myself and some to even take my life.

There have been a number of individuals in recent years who’ve asked me what I’m going to do if this pain and suffering never goes away. I try to not go there in my brain because the only thing that has kept me going after all this time is my faith in God that it IS going to get better one day. But, for the sake of argument, what IF it does never go away and what if I do give up my faith in the process. What’s happens then?

A life of becoming heavily medicated to deal with it all?

A life of negativity and anger that comes from resentment towards my life and God?

A life of turning back to addictions to numb myself and cope?

Or a life not worth living at all just like my mom and dad felt and chose?

I honestly can’t see anything positive coming out of giving up my faith in God because it’s this faith that has provided me the ONE thing that a life without faith can’t provide throughout all this pain and suffering, and that’s HOPE.

Hope in that all my pain and suffering isn’t the end of this life’s story.

Hope in that there’s a greater purpose for all this pain and suffering that’s beyond my understanding.

Hope in that everything does happen for a reason, even if I may never know what those reasons are.

And hope in that a brighter day will come for me.

My father and mother both gave up their faith and lost any hope of living because of it. That’s why I must keep my faith because I don’t want my life to end like either of theirs did.

But, will my faith in God ever lead to anything better than all this pain and suffering I continue to face in my mind and body, I don’t know, yet I choose to keep my faith anyway. Because at its very core, keeping that type of faith is the truest definition of faith itself, one that continues to believe, even when it feels like there’s no real reason to believe anymore…

Peace, love, light, joy,
Andrew Artur Dawson

If there’s one thing I feel that’s really missing in life right now because of living through this pandemic, it’s hugging. I am a hugger more than a handshaker and I really miss it. A LOT! It’s my way of expressing my unconditional love for someone and it’s also one huge way I often have felt unconditionally loved by another too.

After doing a little research, I discovered a great list of some main reasons why hugging is so beneficial to a human being:

1. Hugging can instantly boost oxytocin levels, which heal feelings of loneliness, isolation, and anger.
2. Hugging for an extended time can lift one’s serotonin levels, elevating mood and creating happiness.
3. Hugging can actually strengthen the immune system.
4. Hugging can boost one’s self-esteem.
5. Hugging can relax the muscles and take away pain, as well as soothing aches by increasing circulation into the soft tissues.
6. Hugging can balance out the nervous system.
7. Hugging regularly can also have similar beneficial properties as prayer, meditation, and laughter do.

But here’s the harsh reality. Because of social distancing, most people aren’t giving or receiving hugs right now, which I understand is for good reasons. The hard part though is the lack of human touch through things like hugs is causing me to feel a lot more alone in life, and I can’t imagine I’m alone in feeling that way.

I wrote an article last fall about the importance of human touch, as many scientific studies have been done surrounding the need for this. But, I don’t need studies to tell me what I have already discovered in life long ago and that’s how much human touch, specifically hugging, has helped me, especially during any one of those dark periods I’ve ever had to go through.

The fact is, a hug is such a simple way for me to express something where no words have to be uttered, that just says I care about you and you matter and vice versa whenever I’m receiving one. Unfortunately, I know for now that the best thing many of us will do is verbally say we love someone and that they matter. Thankfully, I have a partner who gives great hugs when I need one and I also have a few friends who continue to offer me them each time we meet up and depart, which mean the world to me. But, sometimes I still need to wrap my arms around myself and give myself a big hug, reminding me that the most important person that needs to love me is me. That’s probably the biggest task I have right now in life, as loneliness and isolation has set in more than not for me during this pandemic.

The fact remains though that regardless of my level of self-love and regardless of this pandemic, hugging is important and maybe even crucial in this world to helping us all know we aren’t alone, as that’s something that’s so easy to feel these days isn’t it? Nevertheless, be thankful for the hugs you still get, as they’re probably helping you more than you really know…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Sometimes it really feels like many of us carry around all those labels our doctors and health professionals tell us we are. It’s almost as if they become what we regularly identify as, and on some level, because of it, they tend to limit us from becoming who we’re truly meant to be.

Why is it that so many often identify themselves as the health conditions doctors have given them? I recently started to observe this in a number of the addiction recovery meetings I attended. This one woman introduced herself and then suddenly went through the gamut of how she had ADD, OCD, PTSD, depression, anxiety, bi-polar, and a few other things as well. After she talked at length about each of those things, she finally began to discuss who she ultimately was beyond all that, which I found far more interesting.

But really, I get it. Doctors place these health diagnoses upon us. They tell us we have some sort of health issue or problem. What happens next is generally our minds forming a belief that we’re now somehow limited. That’s what happened to me when I first got told I had depression and possible bi-polar disorder. When that was later followed by PTSD due to my parents’ deaths and even 9/11, I felt even more limited in life. After being labeled with Fibromyalgia, prostatitis, OCD, body dysmorphic disorder, and a few other conditions, my self-esteem was essentially shot. I found myself talking about all those things to all those I’d meet, instead of all the other things that made me a really interesting guy. It was almost as if I wanted to make sure they’d still like me knowing I had so many medical problems, but all it did though was usually drive everyone away, because they never got to know the real me, the one who has plenty of interesting things to offer another. Rather, they got to know the guy with all the medical baggage, because that’s what all those diagnoses made me believe, that I was a lot of baggage.

The fact is, I’m so much more than all of those labels doctors and medical professionals gave me. That’s why I do my best these days to not discuss those things with my friends or potential friends to be because it’s draining to do so, and does nothing for improving the outlook I have on myself or my life. Behind all my physical, mental, and emotional health complexities, I actually am a pretty damn good writer and a decent public speaker. I’m also funny and witty when I want to be and can make a tense room burst out in laughter at my silly antics. In addition, I’m well-versed with anything related to television and movies, especially superhero, science fiction, and fantasy related. And I can most definitely carry on interesting conversations surrounding meditation, numerology, healing modalities, and other forms of spirituality. But as soon as I start talking about any of my medical labels, all those dynamic parts of me seem to go out the window and limit my capacity to be something a lot more in this lifetime.

What’s interesting though, is the less I’ve spoken about those medical labels, the more they haven’t controlled me and been much of a limiting factor upon my life. Sometimes I really think those diagnoses medical professionals offer end up hurting a person in the long run more than helping, because after all, being told you have a condition that causes limits tends to tell your brain you’ll be limited in life somehow from doing what “normal” people do.

You know what I say? Let go of all your diagnoses. Let go of all those labels doctors have given you over the years. Let go of the limitations those conditions supposedly create. And realize you are so much more than any of those labels put together. Just ask God, as I know He saw it long ago and still does.

All you really need to do is remind yourself that you truly are a lot more than any health acronym or medical diagnosis or mental health label or condition some doctor or professional has given you. Listen to your Spirit and let it guide you beyond the walls and limits that your mind has created from those health things you were branded with. As in doing so, I think you’ll start seeing that you are far more interesting of a person than you may have ever allowed yourself to see or be…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson