Category: Healing From Chronic Pain And Illness

After recently discussing how I’ve been running out of things to say in my blog, a friend suggested talking about any of my vacations to exotic or interesting places. Ironically, the last time I took any sort of exotic trip was to where I actually met this friend, that being Grand Cayman in February of 2016. Sadly, I haven’t travelled since because of how challenging it’s been with my health.

Nevertheless, there is one thing I truly miss from all those exotic vacations I used to take with such regularity in my life and that’s seeing the brightly lit clear blue ocean that I always experienced when in the Caribbean. By way of cruise or a land-based resort, every year for more than a decade, I’d take a one to two-week vacation somewhere in the Caribbean. And one thing I always made sure to do whenever I was on one of those getaways was to go snorkeling, and usually a few times at that.

I love snorkeling and wish I could somehow beam myself onto a Caribbean island whenever I want, solely to do this activity at least once a week. Gliding across the top of the ocean and exploring what’s underneath was always so peaceful for me. Even with all my pain, the buoyancy of the salt waters and the warmth of them as well would always support and soothe me, all while I found a wonderful way to draw closer to another aspect of God.

Through my many snorkeling adventures, I’ve swam next to huge sea turtles, been within arm’s length of the largest and most colorful lobsters you could ever imagine, held starfish in my hands, stood still as schools of vibrant fish surrounded me, fed and petted stingrays, explored shipwrecks and other treasures left on the seafloor, weaved my way through complex coral reefs, been face to face with barracuda, touched many shiny humongous fish, and plenty more.

In the silence of the depths of the ocean, stress just seems to melt away for me. Quite often I’ll even take a long deep breath and swim down as far as I can where I pretend that I’m part of all the ocean life somehow. I have definitely had some strong spiritual experiences doing so and am very grateful for them.

While I’m told that scuba diving is far better for this type of exploration, I unfortunately can’t equalize the pressure within my ears and suffer too much pain the deeper I dive, so I resort to doing what I can do, which is snorkeling and diving down to about 10 to 15 feet at the most. And honestly, I’m fine with that, as I’ve fully enjoyed all my experiences every single time I’ve done this activity throughout my life and probably would do it on a daily basis if I lived in the Caribbean.

I find the ocean to be extremely healing for me, mind, body, and soul, and know that someday I’d like to be living far closer to one of its shores than I do now. I keep saying I’m going to take a trip again to the Caribbean soon, mostly because I miss those bright blue waters and exploring their depths, but I still haven’t and have gone three years now without doing my most favorite activity in the world. I’m sure a day will come again though where I’ll be snorkeling once more, but for now, I’m at least thankful that I have such vivid memories of doing this activity in plenty of years past.

Regardless, I still like to take a few moments from time to time to close my eyes and visualize myself feeling supported by something so much larger than I. As it’s in each of those moments, where I’m brought back to a place and time that I surely have felt much peace and joy and most definitely the presence of God…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Three times I began writing this article for today and three times I realized it was something I’ve already written about sometime in the past. With 2,225 entries thus far, over six years of writing, and not missing a single day ever since this blog’s inception, I find myself now facing a writing dilemma, as I’m beginning to feel like I’ve run out of things to say and am questioning where to go with it from here.

All of this began back on January 14^th, 2013 when I posted my very first blog, which was nothing more than basically a “Hello World” type of entry. Ever since, I’ve written about everything in my life, fully exposing every single facet of myself, sometimes to the point where I even surprised myself at how open and honest I was being.

With all the gossipy judgments and criticism that seem to be plaguing our world these days, it’s probably a good thing that neither my blog, nor I, have gained any type of notoriety over the years. The general public would most likely have a field day with me and find plenty of things to crucify me with from my past. Believe me when I say I definitely have a tainted past, yet one I’ve still fully laid out for the rest of the world to see nonetheless.

I know I have some loyal readers who have stuck by my side ever since the beginning and I’m very thankful for them. Frankly, sometimes I think I continue to write solely because of them. At the same time though, I also think about not wanting to bore any of them either with yet another article about something they’ve probably read about time and time again.

Honestly, I wish somehow my life would move out of this pause mode that God seems to have me still on. I’ve been waiting on God for so long now for guidance and direction with my life that I’ve forgotten what having any type of normal life feels like.

My health issues have kept me in this pause mode, and left me writing about a lot of the same subjects, with me often repeating many of my same viewpoints, which is most likely the very reason why I don’t garner much in the line of increasing readership.

I’m quite sure my spiritual teacher would gently remind me though that I’m not writing for any of them, that I’m writing for myself, and that even having one reader is a gift in itself. But, truthfully, I’m bored with writing anyway, because I don’t have hardly anything new happening in my life anymore to muse about.

My health issues have kept me mostly sidelined from achieving any of my dreams, aspirations, goals, and the like and all of my prayers surrounding them and my health have been answered by God with mostly silence. And so, I’ve waited. I’ve waited on God and in the process, written about the same things again and again and again, and now I find myself struggling to keep on doing it.

I truly wish that God would end my long-standing health crisis, so that I had enough energy to take on some new tasks in life, tasks that I know would absolutely lead to plenty of more things to write about. Yet, “be still” is the only thing that continues to present itself to me, as anytime I’ve attempted to control this process or my life, has been met with dire results.

So, yes, I’m facing a dilemma with my writing, with this blog, and with my life in general. As I struggle to even make it through most of the basic of life’s tasks nowadays, I continue to write, but with ever depleting hope. I’ve never faced such a long dark night of my soul, one that seems to never have any end in sight. Yet, I still faithfully wait upon God for dawn to come, for the sun to rise within me again, for joy to return, and for His promise to be made true, as I know when it does, that an endless inspiration to write will return…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around where 2018 went. I always remember hearing tons of adults say how fast the year seemed to go by when another New Year’s Eve and Day rolled around. Now, I’m actually one of those adults.

As a kid, I always wanted to speed life up. I couldn’t wait to get to my teenage years. I couldn’t wait to be old enough to drive. I couldn’t wait to be done with high school.  I couldn’t wait to become of age to drink legally. And I couldn’t wait to be done with college and out on my own making a living.

Now, I’m on the other side of the coin where I find myself as each new year begins, wishing I had a magic want that was able to slow life down or turn back time. Having spent the past eight years mostly on the sidelines with a ton of health issues has made me dread when each new year arrives.

While I set three primary goals at the beginning of 2018 of doing my best to serve God, doing my best to treat others with unconditional love, and remaining 100% sober from all former addictions, and actually kept to all three, I had a few other goals that continue to be passed on from one year to the next. That being to feel healthier in my physical body, to get back into the work force, and to actually take a real vacation again where my only obligation is to sit by a pool or a beach for a week. Unfortunately, I haven’t come close to meeting any of them yet and thus I begin another year of my life with the same feelings I did the last time another new year began, that being sadness and hope.

I have sadness that at the age of 46, I’ve actually been unemployed and unable to carry a job since the beginning of 2010. I have sadness that I can’t support my partner in most of his monthly expenditures. I have sadness that I haven’t been able to return to participating even recreationally in any type of sport. And I have sadness, that my partner and I haven’t been able to take an annual vacation together without having to go through mega stress over my health problems. Yet, even in light of all that sadness, as I said, I still remain hopeful, hopeful in God that is, which is the ONLY thing that has kept me going from one new year to the next thus far.

You see, without having hope in God, I have no faith that God is going to do anything good for me ever again. And without having faith that God will ever doing anything good for me ever again, I can assure you I won’t feel any purpose for me to live, as whenever I’ve been in that place, I’ve become suicidal and really don’t wish to experience that again.

So, as 2019 begins, I begin it with hope and faith once again. Hope and faith in a living out a much brighter life. Hope and faith that there is a greater plan for me. Hope and faith that all this suffering hasn’t been in vain. And hope and faith that my life is going to improve.

Who knows where I’ll be standing this time next year or what I’ll be writing about when another new year arrives in 2020. But at least with my hope and faith, I am starting 2019 on a more positive note by saying I trust in God with my entire life, enough to keep waiting on my goals, and enough to continue believing that God does have a greater plan for me and for all of you too…

May all of you be blessed and filled with much unconditional love and light in 2019!

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson