Category: Healing From Chronic Pain And Illness

I’m beginning to think that human beings are no longer wanting to feel any sort of ache or pain whatsoever and instead are starting to rely more and more on medications to either fix their life or keep it going in the direction they want without interruption.

Why I say that is simply from observation. Case in point, I spoke with a friend of mine recently, who’s also a primary care doctor. They told me that more and more people are coming in these days, seeking some sort of a medication to take care of even the slightest ache or pain and gave me an example of one patient who came in with their shoulder being slightly sore. When my doctor friend asked them how long they had been dealing with it, they said it had been less than a day and just didn’t want to deal with it anymore, when in reality, it healed itself in a few days’ time with just a little trust and a little rest.

So, if people really are moving more away from trusting in their body’s natural healing processes for aches and pains and instead are trusting more on a medication a doctor prescribes them to deal with them, why is this trend happening? Well, I have two ideas.

One, is that I believe people don’t have time to feel pain anymore and have become far more impatient nowadays. Schedules are crammed with one thing after another, hardly anyone seems to take time to be still, and the sayings “I’ve got places to see and things to do” and “Time is money” are more of a reality now than ever. The truth is our society is incredibly sped up more so these days than in days past when people took a lot more time to have rest and relaxation. Thus, in light of that, having to deal with any sort of ache or pain that might slow that hurried and busy pace down, even in the slightest, is contrary to what the ego has become accustomed to. Hence, medication becomes the solution to handle any of those aches and pains, even when those aches and pains may simply be the body’s way of telling someone they need to slow down a little and have some of that rest and relaxation.

My other notion as to why medication is being sought more and more these days for any sort of ache or pain deals with a principle that I’ve become quite adamant about. I don’t see a lot of individuals anymore wanting to face the things that are truly broken within themselves. What I mean by that is all the stuff that one has experienced in their lives that wasn’t pleasant. Things such as tragic deaths, war-time experiences, bad break-ups, abandonment, abuse, etc. I see it all the time at the local place I volunteer at once a week where I put on a recovery meeting for patients in crisis. There, I hear story after story that ranges from sexual abuse to PTSD from individuals who tell me they’re only there to get some sort of a medication to balance themselves out and aren’t really open to facing what actually may be causing their mental and emotional imbalances in the first place. Trust me I get it, who wants to feel pain like that. But, the reality is that there isn’t a single medication out there in this world that can keep any type of past trauma down. That type of painful energy always finds a way to resurface again and again until one finally chooses to walk through the fear by facing it head on. Sadly though, many would rather switch from medication to medication for the rest of their lives, constantly pushing those past painful experiences down, rather than work through them once and for all.

How I came up with these ideas as to why people are choosing medications for most aches and pains these days is because I’ve lived through both of them. I opted for medications years ago when I didn’t want my fast-paced life to slow down one bit. And I opted for medications as well when I didn’t want to face the pain from my traumatic childhood experiences or the tragic deaths of my parents. To my ego, it was just too painful, so I sided with it and the concept that God created doctors and medications to deal with these things.

Unfortunately, that choice hurt me in the long run, as eventually, it all caught up with me in a lot more aches and pains than I could ever have imagined and caused me to lose faith in my body’s natural ability to heal itself by instead relying more upon science and medicine. And that’s what I’m currently working on unravelling day in and day out for the past bunch of years. Trust me, it’s not fun facing all this at 45 years old. Yet, even through all the aches and pains I’m facing without any sort of medication, I still feel this is indeed what is for my Highest greatest good.

You see, I never wanted to feel much of anything up until only a short number of years ago and really just wanted to keep my life going at blazing speeds to achieve my own ego’s goals and desires. But I think the Universe had greater plans for me that involved the need for me to work through all those things I avoided for so long. And to do that called for the need to live on a path where I feel and face all those aches and pains, rather than trying to avoid them through one medication after another.

While I’m not opposed to taking medications when it truly becomes necessary, like if I was in an accident or had some type of medical emergency, I believe that my body is far more capable to fix the majority of my aches and pains than I used to give it credit. But I think it comes down to slowing down a lot more in life and working through all my past painful traumas head-on like I have been, instead of looking for some sort of a pill to be my daily miracle cure like I used to believe was necessary for survival in this world…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

I have come to the conclusion only recently that it’s not helping me on any level to talk about my aches and pains or my health issues in depth to anyone but God for one really important reason and that’s the negativity it seems to create in me and around me whenever I choose to share it with someone.

A good example of this occurred just over a week ago when I attended my bi-weekly spiritual men’s group. There I opted to share in depth about the extremely pain-filled day I was having and felt that maybe if I talked about it there a little, I might end up feeling better. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. Instead, I started whining and complaining, coming off as if no one in that room had ever experienced anything as painful as what I’ve been going through. That in turn created a wave of suggestions coming my way from each of those in attendance, which in turn created a wave of defensiveness and complaining on my part given the number of things I’ve already tried over the years to heal myself with to no avail.

The fact is, I believe the best person to share in depth any of my health struggles with is God because if a piece of God lives within me, then God truly knows exactly what I’m feeling inside every single day. And knowing that has brought me more comfort than any of those times I’ve ever attempted to share in depth my health struggles with someone else. Because no one here on Earth really can or ever will understand the depth of my suffering because they aren’t living in my shoes and the same is true for all of us as well in respect to each other’s pains and sufferings of life.

Case in point, whenever I’ve had people share with me their own various levels of pain whether it was mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual in nature, I’ve often thought that their suffering didn’t seem that bad. Yet, that’s precisely the problem because in believing that, I become motivated to say something like “Just remember that there are people out there in far worse situations than you…” or I become motivated to offer my own suggestions on things they might consider doing to alleviate some of it. Unfortunately, both of these things only tend to create a level of defensiveness and negativity in the one who’s going through the pain and suffering.

Why this is can directly be related to the reality that we each have our own unique filters, wiring, up-bringing, etc. So, something that is not painful to me may be totally painful for someone else and vice versa. It’s unfortunate that this fact tends to be overlooked more than not, instead of simply doing the very thing a grief-stricken person usually needs the most, that being to receive only reassuring words of support and compassion. But sadly, most human beings aren’t hard-wired this way.

That’s why I feel it’s better opening up in depth to God about my pain and suffering rather than another human being these days because at least when I go to God in prayer, I can safely bawl my eyes out, bear my heart and soul in entirety, and be angry if I so choose, without having any of those human filters come back my way.

This is why I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s for the best I don’t go into depths anymore with anyone about my aches and pains and health issues. It isn’t helping me  because I know where it always leads to, that being to become consumed with negativity, which is something I definitely don’t want to spread or be filled with anymore in life. So, I’m going to work harder on praying more to God about my pain than sharing it in depth with others, because I can clearly see now how that’s a far more positive light-inducing path.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Have you ever felt an emptiness within you that nothing seems to fill? If you have, then you can probably relate to my words today and how I’ve been feeling for most of the past several months. I honestly feel like there’s this gaping hole within me that I can’t seal no matter what I do. Helping others, positive affirmations, healthy eating, meditation, spending time outside, artistic expression, prayer, reading uplifting materials, listening to spiritual music, you name it, I’ve tried it and yet I still feel this profound emptiness constantly gnawing at me inside. And for a recovering addict like me, that’s when things always start to get a little dangerous. Because prolonged feelings of emptiness have consistently led to me giving into some type of temptation in the past, that at least was able to numb that sensation for a short while.

Regardless, I do know what this emptiness stems from and is about. But let me first say this. I don’t believe it’s about something I’m not doing in life and need to be doing, or something I am doing in life and need to stop doing. Rather, it’s about something that has proven to be 100% out of my control to obtain and that alone has definitely been oh so frustrating.

So, what is it? What do I believe this emptiness is coming from?

THE LACK OF FEELING GOD’S PRESENCE WITHIN ME.

There, I said it and at least that weight is off my chest now. I’ve fought so hard to put a smile on my face when I’m out and about lately, especially when I’m engaged in recovery work. After all, who would want to pursue a life in recovery, seeking something Greater than themselves when the person they’re listening to is showing nothing but sorrow and despair all over their face.

But indeed, that’s truly how I feel inside, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY., where nothing I do, no matter how positive, how uplifting, and how driven I can be to get it ends up getting it. Instead, I’ve been left with this abysmal pit within me that is in stark contrast to how my best friend feels, the one who led me into a life of recovery and the one who guided me to seek a life filled with Christ.

He tells me that every day he wakes up feeling God’s presence bubbling up within himself and honestly, his smile, his words, and his actions all naturally demonstrate that. It exuberates out of him so much so that when you’re around him, you really do feel compelled to seek a closer relationship to God because of it. It’s the very reason why I sought a life of Christ and God again, after decades of giving into temptations to temporarily fill my emptiness.

Truthfully, I don’t know why I’m not feeling God’s presence right now, nor why I haven’t for as long as I have. I can only compare it to what Job or David described in the Bible in their respective chapters. Like them, I’ve felt God’s Grace before and lived for long periods being driven by such an amount of it, that no matter what pain I felt, I was always able to rise above it. Yet, that’s not what’s going on within me right now. Instead, it feels like I’m living in the middle of the Sahara Desert.

Some might say, like those church signs have often displayed, “If you’re feeling that far away from God, who moved?” The irony in that is that I haven’t moved. Not one bit. I’ve continued to do all the things I can to seek God. I have resisted all those temptations. I haven’t fallen back into addictions. And yet here I stand, feeling like God’s a million miles away and that’s precisely what my emptiness has been about.

I wish I knew how to feel God’s Grace right here, right now, as I type these very words. I wish I knew how to turn that switch on like it happened back in August over the course of an entire weekend, where one second I was feeling precisely like this and the next second I wasn’t anymore. For four days after that, I felt God’s presence exactly as my best friend describes and passed that on as much as I could while it lasted. But then it switched off again suddenly, as abruptly as it began, and for no specific reason.

So, that’s left me asking myself, what do you do when you’ve exhausted all avenues to fill that emptiness with God’s presence and are still left feeling empty?

Here’s my answer…

Stay the course.

As hard as it is.

And keep praying for the strength to not give up or give in to temptation.

So far, that’s helped me to keep going, to keep trusting, and to keep loving God, even as I continue to feel all this emptiness. Maybe this is what building faith is meant to be about? Who knows? What I do know is that I’d rather sit in this emptiness than fill it with something that will only cause more emptiness in the long run. Because in the end, I ultimately believe the only thing that will ever permanently fill it is God’s Grace…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson