Category: Healing From Chronic Pain And Illness

I truly believe everyone’s on their own healing journey in life to find themselves and grow spiritually and how fast each moves along that journey is always different. Some may focus all their efforts on this process day in and day out, while others may work at much slower paces, often taking detours along the way. These days I’m definitely one of those who falls under the former, but for most of my life prior I was more of the latter. Regardless, I’ve come to reflect on my healing journey as that of a two-legged race.

While I can make each of my steps forward as fast as I want, that doesn’t always mean the Universe is going to move forward in response as quick as I did. So what that translates into of course is having to wait on the Universe to take that next step. In other words, it requires me to have plenty of patience and perseverance. Initially that might not seem so difficult when that waiting period is only a day, a week, a few weeks, a few months, or at best, a year or so. But when that waiting period translates into years, it can lead to great frustration, as it has for me. This in turn has regularly caused me to be at odds with others who aren’t waiting on the Universe and instead are avoiding the next step on their own healing journey.

I see people all the time who complain about their lives and the state of their being and then watch as they repeatedly do things that tear themselves apart, that are unhealthy for their minds and bodies, that are strictly ego-based and grounded in nothing but self-will. So much of their pain and suffering is only because of their own actions. Thus as I sit in that period of patience and perseverance, waiting on the Universe, I grow irritated with those who are able to make a step forward in life but don’t.

I know it’s wrong to judge another on this or to attempt to help move them along a little faster because there were plenty of times in my life where I too had plenty of steps I could take forward, but never did. I was just too afraid, so I instead constantly took those detours. But eventually I always found my way back to the path I was always meant to be on, except that never came because of another judging or controlling me, it came when I was ready.

That’s why I’m inclined to believe that the Universe knows precisely when to take the next step forward with me on this two-legged race, as maybe the Universe knows somehow I’m not ready, even though I think I am. And it’s also why I know I must not judge or attempt to interfere with anyone else’s healing journey either, because after all, I really don’t know whether they’re ready for that next step forward or not.

So as I continue to practice patience and perseverance with this two-legged race I’m on with my healing journey, I’m going to keep doing my best to trust that everything is unfolding in the time it’s meant to, not just in my life, but in everyone else’s as well.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

It seems like the older I get, the more I miss my childhood, which is rather funny given how much I couldn’t stand my childhood when I was growing up. Such irony right? My mind tends to think this way usually when my pain levels are quite high. It remembers the moments of fun I had in my youth, but it tends to also forget about the depth of pain I went through during all that time as well.

Pain such as the loneliness of having very few friends, watching my parents fight over and over again about everything, seeing them drink alcohol too much, dealing with a father’s constant attempts at suicide, facing rigid rules by a very controlling mother, being bullied at school, struggling with my sexuality in the closet, hiding the fact that I was molested by an adult male, and a number of other things as well.

But there is one thing I must say I’m grateful for and that’s the fact I can even remember these days the good times I did have during my childhood. To me that says I must be healing because there was a time when all I could think about when I thought about my childhood was the pain I endured and nothing more.

Somewhere along the lines in recent years I began to recollect the things I did enjoy as a child and I think the only reason why those memories started to materialize is because of all the wreckage I worked on clearing away. Living in recovery from addiction, going to therapy, and pursuing other organizations for spiritual development helped me to remove much of the pain and resentment I carried into my adulthood and that in turn seems to have cleared the way to having better memories. That’s why I must thank God today for having a lot fonder thoughts of a time in my life that once was so extremely painful.

I thank God for remembering plenty of ice cream treats from the ice cream truck on hot summer days, for huge games of kick the can, for those annual vacations we took to Myrtle Beach, for the hundreds of mini-golf games we played there, for all the fun swims I had in our backyard pool, for the hikes I often took with my father, for the snowmen and snowball fights we had in those stormy winters, for the cookouts we had out on our deck, for the game nights we occasionally enjoyed together, for all the ping-pong battles we had in our basement, for the singing of Christmas carols while playing our piano, for those pizza nights out at a place named Dick Sarah’s, for other surprise dinners out to new places, for the many around-the-world games of basketball we played in our driveway, and so much more. I’m grateful to have all these good memories now, and although I wouldn’t want to go back and relive my childhood again, I at least can remember it with greater fondness now.

So if you’re like I once was, where all that can be remembered are the terrible things that happened growing up, I encourage you to draw closer to your Higher Power and work on clearing away all that negative energy from within you. As I’m sure in doing so, you too will find a weight lifted off of your chest and memories flooding back in of times that really were fun.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Do you remember those driver education cars? You know the ones where there’s a second brake in the passenger seat for the instructor to use if needed. Lately I feel like I’m in one of those cars, except my role is reversed. I’m in the passenger seat and my instructor, God, is driving.

Since turning my will and life over to God and trusting that God has a far better plan than any one I ever tried to make for myself, the rides in this spiritual car have often been very challenging. Sometimes the road we’re on is way too bumpy. Other times it feels far too windy or steep. And then there’s plenty of moments where I feel like God is going exceptionally over the speed limit.

Because of this, I’ve occasionally tried to hit that second brake, but I’ve realized something every time I do. It’s usually due to me not trusting that I’m safe and in good hands. The funny thing is that I don’t even think the brake on my side of the car works. On some level I actually feel it’s only there to give me the illusion I’m taking control, but the reality is I’m really not. Thus I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s only one real way for me to leave the car if I truly want to and that’s to jump out.

I’m sure you can imagine how painful it would be in real life to jump from a moving car, especially one that’s going around hairpin turns, travelling up steep hills, or racing along at high speeds. I’ve never done it myself but I know there’s a pretty strong chance I’d be seriously injured if I ever did.

I think the same principle applies to this spiritual car I’m sitting in right now. God has given me free will to get out of the car if I want. But doing so in my world would be equivalent to going back to addictions or finding someone or something else to try to fix me in an easier, softer way. Yet, so far none of these attempts in any of the prior moments of my life have ever quite worked out. In fact, most ended with disastrous results.

Thus I’ve come to the conclusion that the best course of action for me is to remain firmly seated, buckled up, and keep the faith in my Driver. I can’t promise that I may not attempt to hit the brake on my side a few more times as we continue forward on this journey together, even if it doesn’t actually do anything. After all, trusting fully in God can often be an extremely difficult thing to do, especially when you don’t ultimately know the direction your vehicle is heading in.

Nevertheless, I know that God is a far better driver than I am. So I’m going to keep trusting that we’re heading in the right direction and are safe. I just look forward to when we actually reach the next resting place, as I know that while there, I’ll be able to stretch my body and feel at much greater peace than I ever have before…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson