Category: Healing From Chronic Pain And Illness

Have you ever felt like no one could feel as worse as you do and then suddenly have someone’s more serious misfortune grab your attention? My Higher Power seems to be giving me these gentle reminders quite a bit lately, one of which happened on a Sunday morning just about two weeks ago now.

I was at an AA conference and had just finished my breakfast when the final speaker was about to take the podium. While my body was undeniably present in a seat facing where they soon would be speaking, my mind was off elsewhere feeling sad and completely frustrated over the state of my health. One of my table companions (and friend) noticed my frown and asked if I was ok. I really wasn’t much in the mood to talk so I responded by simply saying my back was hurting a lot, although it was definitely more than that. Most of the time when I’ve been hurting that bad, I’ve remained silent solely to not outwardly express any negativity.

As my mind continued to spin in circles due to my health issues, the speaker finally took the stage and appeared to be a woman in her early 40’s. She began by speaking of being physically and sexually abused as a child and then talked about her addiction-riddled years and the insanity that happened during them. But what started to grab my attention was when she mentioned what took place in the past decade of her life.

First she was diagnosed with spinal cancer and found healing, then Leukemia and battled that one successfully as well. In the midst of those difficult years, she mentioned how she even pondered relapsing back into drugs more than once but never did. She said that was only because of her constantly sharing about it with others just like she was doing with all of us there. But it was what she said next that I truly feel was one of those gentle reminders coming from my Higher Power.

Just last year she was diagnosed with a very rare form of cervical cancer and by the time it was caught it had spread to her lymph nodes. And as she stood there on the stage fighting back tears telling everyone all this, she said her doctor very recently had given her only four months to live. At this point the only thing that could be heard in the room around me was everyone trying to stifle their sniffles and tears. And it was then that I knew I really needed to be more grateful with the state of my life, except in all honesty, it took me the rest of the day to get there.

Sometimes it takes me a little while to see things more clearly, especially when my body is ailing so poorly like it’s been so much lately. But what I realized that evening when I got home and had time to reflect was that this woman was ailing far more in her health issues than I was, and most likely wouldn’t be coming back from it compared to how I will be from mine. Thus I’m very grateful to my Higher Power for helping me to see gentle reminders such as this.

So as I end this article I pray to you God to shower this incredible speaker with peace, love, light, and joy in whatever her remaining days end up being here on Earth. As for me God, well, please forgive me for all those moments when I’ve thought I have it so bad in my own health issues. And please do keep on sending me those gentle reminders throughout my life should I at any point allow any of my perceived misfortunes to take me down an ungrateful path…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

You would think that being in an exotic locale, having come from subzero temperatures, would have lifted my soul and catapulted me into a state of bliss upon arrival in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico for my annual vacation. But it didn’t, mostly because upon that arrival, the health issues I’ve been facing quite severely in recent months didn’t subside one bit, at least not that I could tell. The only solution I knew of for this onset frustration was one I learned in recovery and that was to practice acceptance, except it took a couple of negative-filled vacation days for me to get there.

To be perfectly frank, it’s one thing to be in one’s own home dealing with health issues, but it’s another thing altogether to be away on vacation still having to deal with them, especially when I spend a large amount of money for it. You see I can withdraw much easier from the world into the safe confines of my own when I’m having really difficult days with pain. But the idea of spending a bunch of money and having to deal with those kinds of high pain-filled days amongst countless other vacationers isn’t as easy for me.

I realized this almost immediately after checking in at the resort, because I found myself getting irritated at the slightest of things. First it was with the man behind the front desk who didn’t have any knowledge of the room we had reserved. Then it was with the room I was in because my balcony didn’t have a full panoramic view of the entire beach and ocean. Later it was due to the throngs of people that were around me at the pool. And as the evening was coming to a close, I even got irritated at all those in the buffet line I had to wait on.

My irritability continued into the second day where I most definitely still wasn’t practicing acceptance or having much gratitude at all. I complained about the lack of swimming area in the ocean in front of the resort, was bothered by the amount of seaweed present there as well, and even scoffed at the resort’s huge swimming pool for various reasons. As my health issues continued to plague and frustrate me, I began to recognize how I wasn’t having much of an appreciation for anything. That’s when I decided I needed to get to an AA meeting and fast, which thankfully one was taking place at a local English-speaking clubhouse at 5:30pm.

I’m actually not sure why getting to a meeting helped, but it did. Maybe going to one was the first part of practicing acceptance. Regardless, by the time the meeting ended, I felt much better, at least on a mental and emotional level and decided I needed to do exactly as the AA acceptance prayer said:

“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.”

So I did exactly that. I started to accept my health issues as being exactly the way it was supposed to be at that moment and began to concentrate more on changing my attitude and having more gratitude. While that didn’t necessarily take away the pain levels I’ve been going through quite a bit in recent months, it did take away a huge chunk of that negative outlook I was initially having on my vacation, which allowed for plenty of enjoyable experiences to come.

It seems as if acceptance truly was the answer to finding a little peace and serenity during my vacation in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Have you ever woken in the morning feeling totally down, struggling to start your day? I’ve had quite a few of those in recent years, mainly due to the state of my health. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned on my spiritual journey when days like this occur, it’s to face life, even when it hurts, and do the things I’d normally do.

I faced this very thing just the other morning in fact when I awoke and felt an overall level of hopelessness and frustration. The only thing I had planned for the day was to go to my home group in AA and then meet with one of my sponsees to do some step work. In all actuality, the way I ended up handling it was a complete 180 turn from how I used to. It really wasn’t that long ago where I’d easily have made the decision to skip the meeting, reschedule the appointment with my sponsee for another time, and remain at home the entire day. But in the long run, I always found those decisions to make me feel even worse. After all, sitting around my house feeling sorry for myself never made me feel any better whatsoever.

It was my first sponsor in AA who told me how critical it was to get out of the house and out of myself when days like this should happen. Of course it took me not listening to her and feeling my misery again and again to finally make a change. When I did, I began noticing in doing so that my perception of the day usually turned around by the time it ended, which is indeed what happened to me after following this path the other morning.

I began it by doing my morning spiritual routine, got showered and dressed, and then attended my AA home group. While there, I even chaired the meeting. Afterwards, I met with my sponsee and spent even longer of a time with them than I normally might have. Following that, I went to a store to get a picture professionally framed of my nephews that I had been putting off doing. Upon leaving the store, I decided to buy a surprise for dinner for my partner later that night. I was already starting to feel better by then and chose to enhance it by reaching out to someone else from my life of recovery over the phone. When the call was done, I occupied the rest of my evening composing an uplifting entry for a future blog posting, watching positive programming on the television, sharing closeness with my partner, writing in my gratitude journal, doing my affirmations, meditating and then praying before hitting the hay. And by the time my head was finally resting back on my pillow, I truly did feel 100% better from how I had felt that morning upon waking.

So I have to say I really do believe it’s far better to face life, even when it hurts, especially on those mornings when I awake feeling blue. I think it’s critical to keep on living our lives, our recovery, or whatever we do, on the days we want to, but more importantly, even on the days we don’t. I’m honestly just grateful how much healthier my life has become in doing so….

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson