The Twelfth Step

It’s Day 4 of my Grand Cayman getaway and one that started with me having great difficulty getting up. My dreams had been filled throughout the night with violence and anxiety and it honestly felt like my body had gone through the wringer by the time I awoke. But prayer helped me to get beyond this, as today I had an extended session of talking with God and felt much better after it.

My partner and I opted today, after finishing my morning spiritual routine, to head about 40 minutes away to a small area called Smith Cove where there was a small inlet surrounded by a huge reef. Before we left to go there, I rented some snorkel gear so that I could explore the amazing life that exists under the sea.

Every year for close to 10 years now, I’ve made sure to do several snorkeling adventures when I’ve come to the Caribbean. Today was the first of those here in Grand Cayman and I was rather excited to explore the depths of the ocean.

While I would rather go to much deeper depths by doing scuba, my ears unfortunately don’t equalize the pressure so I’ve come to acceptance that I can still enjoy God’s beauty in the ocean by spending some time snorkeling. If you’ve never done this, I highly recommend it, as I find it’s quite soothing to the soul.

When we arrived at the busy little inlet today, it didn’t take long for me to put on my gear and head out into the reef. Immediately I saw a fish that I’ve seen in aquariums before. It was one that literally swims on it’s side, but appears as if it’s eye is on top. Over the course of the next hour or so, I got to see many other types of fish as well. There were blue ones, orange ones, yellow ones, and plenty of shades in between. I also swam through several schools of these tiny silver looking ones that merely moved aside as I glided through them. Probably the most stunning fish I got to see today though was a parrot fish.

I should tell you that I do have a concern every time I snorkel and it’s that I don’t let the waves run me into the reef. Some of the coral is poisonous to the skin and there’s also these spiky little sea creatures hidden throughout it that really hurt if you touch them. Thankfully none of that happened to me today.

When the snorkeling was done and my partner and I began to feel a little hungry, we headed along the coastline back towards our resort, stopping a few times along the way to take some pictures. We grabbed one of what’s called a “blowhole”, which is where the sea water blows up through the coral and creates a fountain. We also took one of this strange cow that was lying near the roadside all by itself. At first we thought it wasn’t even real because every time we had passed by it, the cow was seated in the same spot and position. Ironically, it was real and apparently a sad and neglected one at that. It was tied to a rope in the middle of some cleared out jungle. It looked malnourished and had a water bucket in front of it that was totally empty on a very hot day. As we approached it, I watched the cow immediately stand up and look excited to have some company. I had felt very sad for it and decided to give the rest of my large bottle of water for it to drink, of which it seemed extremely grateful. I really have an appreciation today for all of God’s living beings, cows included, and find it truly disappointing when anyone or anything is being mistreated. As we left the cow and headed to a late lunch, I told it I loved it and hoped it would be ok.

Finding a place to eat proved to be a slight challenge after that because of the time in the day. It was smack dab in the middle of the afternoon after lunch was over and dinner hadn’t started yet. Most places we checked out were closed, but thankfully we found one named Tucca that wasn’t. It was an Australian owned and themed restaurant and I have to say my partner and I had the best meal so far on our trip to Grand Cayman. We dined on a porch overlooking the ocean where I had some tempura fish and my partner an angus burger. Interestingly enough the place had a kangaroo burger and something with crocodile in it. After we finished our food, we shared a dessert that was titled “Luv In A jar”. Filled with multiple layers of crème, chocolate, graham cracker, and a few other ingredients, it truly was heavenly.

Alas, the rest of our evening was much less adventurous, other than us getting locked out of our room for a good hour. Somehow the door simply stopped functioning, but thankfully it all got resolved. Something like this in my past probably would have challenged my patience quite a bit, except in this case it didn’t. I think that’s because I’ve learned that getting overly bothered by things like this only stresses me out and causes more pain to my body. And that’s something I definitely don’t need anymore of.

For the remaining hours before hitting the hay, we cooked a late dinner of shake and bake chicken and hung out either on the balcony staring at the full moon or watching some television. As the 4^th day of our vacation came to a close, what I felt most was appreciation and gratitude for my Higher Power for still being able to snorkel, for having my heart open up to something as simple as a neglected cow, and for leading us to a small little Australian restaurant in the middle of nowhere where the food was just incredible…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

 

It’s my third day of vacation here in Grand Cayman and as I sit here and reflect on it, I must admit I’m kind of missing my home back in Toledo. I think that’s mostly because I find it safe and comforting to be confined in the familiar, especially when my health issues continue to plague me even here.

Some may think that getting away and being in a tropical paradise sounds just divine and that nothing could ruin that for them. But that’s quite easy to say when feeling well in every facet of the mind and body. Except that’s not the case with me at the present time.

When I began today, it was with a pile of tears praying to God on why I continue to suffer so greatly in life. Ever since I began turning my entire will and life over to my Higher Power I feel like my life has been a roller coaster. I really hoped that being here in Grand Cayman was somehow going to be miraculously healing for me, but unfortunately it’s been more of the same. The only thing different is that I’m in a much more beautiful locale.

Somehow I pulled myself together today by noon, after my morning spiritual routines were done, and from there I proceeded to spend a considerable amount of time floating in the ocean on and off for the next few hours. My partner even commented on how I must be feeling better because I was back to be my joking and prankster type self that hasn’t been around much for quite some time.

During those few hours of relief, I got to enjoy a small walk alone on the beach, a stroll out onto a pink-colored pier where I got to see many beautiful fish, and even felt a moment of peace when I watched a bird from these parts navigate some strong winds for a decent amount of time before it finally dove into the water for a tasty meal.

But the difficult thing with my healing process is that even when I seem to feel good for any short period of time, it never lasts very long. That 180 for me today came right around 4pm when some serious irritable bowel related symptoms hit me. After that my mood rapidly declined and left me in a place where I just wanted to isolated in the bedroom.

I’ve always tried to draw closer to God when painful moments like these begin to happen, because ultimately I find that’s the only thing that truly seems to bring me any comfort. In this case, I prayed, shed some tears, read a few devotionals, and flipped through my Bible, which helped enough to get me headed out the door to dinner. Except I did have some reservations on route to dinner because we were heading to a total stranger’s house for a small get together.

How we found ourselves going to this dinner party came about solely due to us meeting the concierge in our resort lobby. There he seemed to take a liking to our energy and friendliness, which in turn ended up with us receiving an invitation to his home for dinner. In the past I normally would enjoy going to things like this, meeting new people and exploring greater realms of connection. But nowadays, trying to do that feeling just like I did this afternoon and evening constantly poses a much greater challenge. I have to give credit to my Higher Power for getting me through this get together because the prayers I said prior to leaving for it and the ones I said during it gave me enough strength to remain present and cordial the entire time there.

In the end, it was actually nice to have met a bunch of native islanders and learn about their culture. It did also help me slightly to shift my focus off of the pain I was feeling. I should mention as well that dinner was quite tasty, especially the jerk chicken pasta. Unfortunately, I had to abstain from the homemade dessert though because it was rum-soaked cake.

Before we left our new friend’s home to head back to our resort, we were given a quick tour of the property across the street that he also owned. It was directly on the ocean and had a beautiful stone double-level patio that overlooked it. He told me the house had been rebuilt twice over the years due to two completely different hurricanes, with the last one being Ivan. It is now worth $3.5 million dollars. Wow, was all that I could say!

As the evening of our 3^rd day came to a close not too long after, I sat out on our balcony gazing upon the night sky and ocean, trying to find an appreciation for one of God’s most amazing creations as I continued to feel a ton of pain in my body. While it might not have taken away all the sorrow and suffering I felt inside, it did do one positive thing for me. It helped me to find some gratitude for still having two eyes and two ears that were able to indulge in a little of my Higher Power’s magnificence…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

It’s Day 2 of my Grand Cayman vacation and thankfully it started with me awaking from a good 7 hours of sleep around 9:30am. After having next to no sleep the night before, this truly came as a welcomed relief.

As usual, my day started with me doing my morning spiritual routines. I always find it interesting when I try to do them while away on vacation. Why? Well take for example here in my resort room, the floor is tiled, which makes it a little difficult for me to pray on my knees, as well as do my simple yoga stretches. But I was grateful to find few spare blankets in the closet to use to get the job done. They also came in handy for my meditation so that my feet could rest on it versus a cold floor.

By the time I my prayers, stretching, and meditation were done, it was close to noon and time for breakfast, which I guess might seem kind of weird to everyone else who normally is having lunch around that time. Today was Honey Nut Cheerios adorned with a banana and some raisins and a cup of yogurt. What made it overly enjoyable though was being able to sit on the balcony and have the view of the ocean in front of me at the same time.

After my last bite of it was finished, we headed down to the pool where I didn’t stay long actually. That’s only because I’m more of an ocean swimmer when I have the opportunity to go in one, especially when it’s only a few feet away and over 80 degrees. But even more of a reason is how healing I find it to be for my mind and body. Somehow I always feel far closer to my Higher Power in the ocean versus being in a man-made swimming pool. There was a challenge I had to face though during my first full swimming day in Grand Cayman and that was to not get sunburned.

Quite often people who come to the tropics think the strength of the sun is going to be similar to what they experience during summer at home. But in the tropics, one can get severely burned in a relatively short period of time because of how close it is to the equator. For a fair-skinned guy like me, I’m definitely one of those who burn easily. That’s why I have to constantly apply tanning lotion. And with the wind having been as high as it was throughout the entire afternoon, it was even harder to know whether I was burning or not. That’s why I made sure to take a number of breaks from being in the sun so that I didn’t become a lobster by the end of the day.

Later that evening, after getting showered and refreshed from our day in the sun, we took a drive out to the northern most spot on the island, Rum Point. There I had a few experiences that I’d really like to say felt like they brought me closer to my Higher Power. One was at a small cove-like area where starfish are in abundance. There I saw a father encourage his young daughter, who was in the water, to pick one up and carry it over to my partner and I so that we could touch it and take a picture. I must say I felt very blessed after that. That feeling only continued when we walked out a very long pier shortly thereafter where the winds were so strong I felt like I might blow into the water if I wasn’t careful. Have you ever leaned into an extremely strong wind and felt your body be almost entirely supported by it? On some level, experiencing that made me realize I too have been sustaining very strong winds in my life in recent years, but still have remained standing.

Our evening began to wrap up about an hour later with my partner’s homemade taco dinner made directly from our fully stocked kitchen. He’s really a great cook and I’m so thankful for that because I honestly can’t cook worth a bean. J After our bellies were full and everything was cleaned up, we caught the latest episode of Grimm on NBC, which I think is probably my favorite television show right now.

As the second day in Grand Cayman came to a close, I have to say, even with all my pains and ailments, which indeed were still high today, I felt much better. But I think that’s only because I had a few moments throughout the day where I ultimately felt that God was truly with me…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson