Feeling The Sorrow Of My Best Friend’s Departure Instead Of Numbing Myself From It…

My best friend just left late this evening on a flight home to Boston, after a six-day trip to see me over the New Year’s weekend and I’m feeling pretty sad right now because of it, but that’s ok, as I truly believe that feeling sad is way better than not feeling at all.

I’ve always been the kind of person who struggles with the departure of when a loved one visits me. For years I’d consistently numb myself from feeling any of that sorrow once they were gone. Addictions became a great resource to achieve that. Alcohol and drugs were the first to cover up that sadness. Caffeine and especially heavy chocolate-based desserts became the second. And finally, sexually-charged conversations, pornography, and hook-ups became the third and last unhealthy solution I used to deal with something that I never liked facing when it happened.

But I don’t believe that’s what life is meant to be about, that being to numb ourselves from feeling sadness, or any other type of pain for that matter. Rather, I think we’re all meant to feel every one of our emotions in entirety, as it’s part of the healing process. And ironically, any time I numbed myself with something instead of allowing myself to feel those emotions in entirety, only made my sorrow come out sideways much later.

That’s why I’m choosing to write about my grief in a blog entry tonight, instead of doing something toxic that will only make me feel worse in the long run. Of course, I must admit it’s not easy doing this with my best friend being over 600 miles away now and given I probably won’t see him again until the summer. But, I’m grateful to have good memories of his trip here and eventually that’s all of what will remain once the sorrow of his departure has passed, because this sorrow always does pass. But if I chose to not feel this sorrow, it’s only going to get pushed down within me, causing me to remain on a numb-based path, which is precisely how I often got wrapped up in so many addictions.

Look, I know going through sorrow or feeling any type of pain isn’t easy, but I really have come to see that it’s far better to deal with it head-on rather than drink heavily, or pop a pill to fall asleep, or engage in seedy conversations with people I don’t know, or do any other action that will only prolong the inevitable.

The inevitable being that I never was able to fully run from feeling the pain of anything, like a loved one’s departure. It ALWAYS caught up with me at some point. So, I’ve learned to seek God in that pain now, to write about it, and in the process, I’ve been able to spiritually grow far stronger and healthier and much faster at that, than any of those times in life I ever opted to remain numb instead…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Setting New Year’s Goals Instead of Resolutions…

Happy New Year’s Day everyone! I’m sure some people have already set resolutions for themselves to begin today, as many consistently seem to do so at the beginning of a new year. While I’ve never had much success in keeping to any of those in the past, I do believe in setting goals for myself instead, and for 2018, I have three.

The first is to seek the will of God. I know that probably sounds quite religious, but to me it’s nothing of the sort. I simply just want to follow on a Higher Path with less Andrew and more God. As whenever my life has been more about Andrew’s will and less about God’s will, the results were usually about as successful as keeping to a New Year’s resolution I set for myself.

The second is to remain clean and sober from all my former addictions. Obviously, I could never achieve my first goal of following God’s will if I’m living in an addiction-laden life. Thus, sponsoring others, getting to 12 Step meetings, and continuing to share my experience, strength, and hope in recovery will help me stay aligned with this goal.

And the third is to be unconditionally loving to everyone, like Christ was, even to those who may show dislike, disdain, or any other unfavorable thing in return. This goal is definitely the hardest for me, especially because I’ve had a lot of negative attacks aimed at me as of late. Yet, I’ve learned from mistakes in the past that when I’ve withheld unconditional love, even to those who my ego felt didn’t deserve it, I’ve tended to seek an addiction to deal with the guilt I felt over it.

Thus, as you can see, each of my goals for 2018 are connected to each other, but, none hold the same context as a New Year’s resolution, which always seems to hold far more connotations of needing perfection to maintain them. While I know I’m not perfect and will probably fail at times in keeping to the goals I’ve set for myself in 2018, I am still going to strive for perfection to achieve them. Because in the end, striving for perfection with a goal is a lot easier than needing perfection with a New Year’s resolution.

Oh, and one more thing. I do have other goals as well, like becoming far healthier in mind and body, being able to work at least a part-time job, taking a vacation and a few more, but as far as I’m concerned, they all will fall into place so long as I keep focused on achieving my main three…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson