“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs…”
Step 5 can be a huge relief for many people who have carried burdens on their hearts and souls their entire life. This step allows a person in safety to release all of that poison that came up on their 4th Step.
Thankfully I had a sponsor in AA who practiced old school recovery. I say this because my 5th Step was done in her living room with me reading each and every line that I wrote in my 4th Step notebook. Prior to beginning that reading, I prayed with her, admitting to God I was flawed and asked for God’s guidance as I read my 4th Step aloud. What this did was bring God into her living room so that as I read my step work, I was not only admitting the exact nature of my wrongs to myself, but also to my sponsor sitting across from me, and God who had been invited in by that prayer.
It took me two separate six hour sessions to read my first 4th Step to her. Most of the time during it, she just listened. At times though she would stop me, and ask questions for further clarification, sometimes for herself and sometimes even for me. When it was done, I can’t say that I was lofted off the ground and singing with the angels, but I can say that I continued to feel ever lighter and more determined in my recovery then how I felt after completing the 4th Step.
I’ve been more of an honest and open book type of person my whole life compared to most people I know. I’ve never really held any deep dark secretes and I’ve tried not to hide any parts of me away for I know that it will only create more pain down the road for me. Because of this, it was pretty easy and straight-forward to do and complete my 5th Step. For others, it might not be so. Many people that come into recovery have locked away deep within themselves resentments and things that have happened that they feel no one should ever know. The point of the 4th Step is to bring that poison up to the surface by writing about it. The objective of the 5th Step is to begin to release that poison by sharing it with not only themselves, but also with God and another human being.
I’m not sure if there is a better way of doing a 5th Step than the way I did mine. I know of one sponsor who doesn’t want to hear everything written in their sponsee’s 4th Step. I know of other sponsors who send a sponsee to a pastor or priest to listen to a 4th Step instead of them. What I do know is that the action of praying to God before I did my 5th Step and then reading every bit of my 4th Step work to my sponsor helped me grow in my recovery. I would do the same for any sponsee I have.
It was truly humbling to admit to God, to myself, and to my sponsor, that I was flawed, that I had many character defects, and that I lived most of my life as a resentful person. It was even more humbling to admit to all three how selfish and self-centered I lived throughout my life. But it was most humbling to realize at the end of my 5th Step that while I thought I was a really bad guy for a long time, I was just sick, lost, and God-less. The 5th Step truly did help me move beyond those thoughts and that place in my life.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
