“Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character…”
When I first came to this step with my sponsor in AA, I had just completed the second of the two days of reading my 5th Step. She told me that my next task was to go take an hour of time and reflect upon the words of Step 6. In all honesty, I’m not sure if I did. In fact, I’m pretty sure I didn’t. I don’t remember spending an hour in complete silence meditating on it. I don’t remember reflecting on this step’s words or its description in the recovery books. Truthfully, I don’t remember doing much of anything with this step. The fact of the matter is that I wasn’t ready to have God remove all of my defects of character at that point in time. I was determined to stay sober and learn more about what true recovery was, but I still wanted to maintain part of my own self will which kept me back at some resistance with Step 3.
I went through the 12 steps for the very first time between October of 2007 and January of 2009. During my step work throughout that time, I continued to maintain unhealthy friendships, unhealthy behaviors, and engaged in other addictions that weren’t alcohol or drug related. I mentioned this back on my entry for Step 3 in that unless one turns over their entire will to God, the rest of the steps will only bring some benefit to a person going through them.
That’s what happened to me.
So the reality was that I wasn’t ready for God to remove all of my defects of character the first time I went through this step. I wanted to keep some of my free will and still get highs off of toxic behaviors that I was doing. Unfortunately, this tainted my work on this step as well as all the rest of the work I did with the other steps the first time I did them. I have since gone through the 12 steps a second time and have found much greater benefit from them. I believe that was due to my turning over my entire will to God on my 2nd attempt. This is why I place such importance on the 3rd Step in my recovery.
It’s as simple as saying this…
If I did not wish to turn over my entire will to God, then how could I have been ready to remove all of my defects of character when I was still living in them and creating more.
I am grateful today to know that I turn over my entire will over to the care of God each and every day and for this, I am also constantly remaining open to God to remove all of the character defects that may still exist within me. I’ve found that when God is placed at the center of my day now as I start it, that I’m able to see situations before they happen where I might have once instead been falling down a character defected path.
To do the 6th Step today, I believe it’s critical to spend an hour meditating on all of the work that is done in the steps up to that point. I believe it’s even more critical to be entirely sure that one is doing everything they can to place God in the driver’s seat. And I believe it’s most critical to know that one will never find full recovery in their life from any of their addictions nor be rid of their character defects, if they’re not entirely willing to let go of their old selves.
I close with this thought to ponder…
Once I decided to have God drive my bus of a life completely, it was natural for me to want God remove all of my defects of character and unnatural for me to want to still hold onto and live in any of them.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson