My spiritual teacher always tells me I’m not supposed to compare myself to anyone else’s journey in life. In all honesty, I struggle with this principle immensely. Often I find myself doing exactly the opposite by looking at others who seem very happy and appear to be making great spiritual achievements in their life. Unfortunately, all it’s done to me when I do this is bring about feelings of disappointment and doubt about my own journey. But given the state I’ve been in for the last few years, it’s been a constant battle to refrain myself from still doing it.
These past few years have been incredibly difficult because of all the physical pain I’ve had to deal with and endure. Truthfully, it’s taken just about every ounce of my energy to make it through each day most of the time. What has solely kept me going is the belief that I’ve been purging all the old sludge and darkness from my entire being so that I can reach the other side of this healing process where many amazing spiritual gifts will start materializing from within me. But so far I haven’t seen any of this come to pass yet. Unfortunately, that’s led me all too frequently to a place where I find myself looking at others who I perceive are making much greater spiritual strides in their own lives.
I recently did this very thing by comparing myself to a former friend of mine. Six years ago when we met, he was drawn to my low level understanding about spiritual and metaphysical healing. Sadly, I would go on to spend the next four years after this living out the end of my addictive ways while he went on to study one healing modality after another. Zoom forward another two years to the present, and a quick glance on his website would show an incredible amount of achievements the guy has made to becoming a pretty well-rounded metaphysical healer in life. If I had to associate a feeling to what I felt inside after seeing his growth, it would probably be jealousy.
Jealousy isn’t a good emotion to have at all. In fact I know it’s a very negative behavior. But I’m finding it extremely challenging to not covet what my former friend has done in his life, especially given it’s what I’ve always envisioned for myself. The problem is that my current state of health is preventing me from getting there at the present time and I’m unbearably sad about this. I have worked most likely the hardest I ever have in my life these past few years to clean my act up, to dedicate my life to Source, and to heal myself from all the damage I created within. Yet, on most days, it’s been a challenge to do just about anything, even doing the most basic of necessities.
I keep trying to tell myself I’m almost there, that my pain levels are going to be reducing imminently. But as the days pass when nothing feels to be moving in that direction, I end up doing the exact thing my spiritual teacher tells me not to do. I end up comparing myself to those who are doing all the things that I want to be doing, like my former friend is. In doing so, I only end up being jealous, coveting what he or anyone else has, and bringing more despair upon my entire being. Thus I can see why my spiritual teacher has consistently told me not to compare myself to anyone else’s journey in life. The end result is always the same, as it leaves me in an even greater state of doubt and despair.
I know my faith is seriously being tested lately through all of this and so is my patience. I certainly hope that there’s a lot more to the rest of life than enduring physical pain and writing about it in my blog. But in the meantime, I’m going to do my best to not compare myself to anyone else’s journey in life. Instead I pray to God to help me believe that I’m doing exactly what I’m meant to be doing right now in my life and that a clearing is on the horizon. As it’s my hope that on that horizon, I will become a beacon of hope, healing, love, and light for all of God’s children…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson