For as much as I believe it’s important to be there for others on a regular basis, I think it’s just as important to make sure I take care of myself and sometimes that involves removing myself from things that aren’t feeling all that healthy for my spiritual growth. Unfortunately, I’ve often stayed with those unhealthy things for far too long, hoping they’ll get better as time goes on. But generally, what I’ve found when I’ve stuck it out is that they usually only grow worse.
In the past, this most frequently presented itself with friends and intimate relationships. Rather than listen to my inner guidance and allow those warning signs from within tell me that someone wasn’t healthy for me to be around, I’d consistently listen to my ego instead by saying things will improve over time, but most never did. And regardless of how much work I put into those connections, it was almost as if each of them had a life expectancy that I just never wanted to pay attention to. Eventually after repeatedly going through this, I became more willing to see that my spiritual health and growth was far more important than waiting around for a friendship or relationship to improve.
Nowadays, I’m facing a similar challenge in this taking care of myself department and it falls under the realm of my recovery from past addictions. There, as part of my normal life, I sponsor others, attend certain 12-Step meetings, and volunteer my time at various hospitals, institutions, detoxes, and halfway houses. While most of the time I haven’t had any real issues with each of those activities, I’ve noticed that occasionally there has been situations where I’ve felt drained by my participation with one of them. The dilemma I face with that is the fact that it’s important to get out of oneself in recovery and help another. But the realization I’ve made as of late, is that this should never come at the expense of my own recovery and serenity.
Because of this, I’ve had to at times stop sponsoring individuals, going to specific meetings, and remove myself from volunteering at places where I felt worse each time I got around them. The truth is I’m really working on listening to my inner guidance now, which honestly is pretty good at letting me know when something is or is not working for me.
Just recently in fact, I stopped helping put on a commitment at an institution because each time I left it, I was feeling more unbalanced and unsettled inside. And last fall for example, I made the decision to change home groups because the one I was attending regularly also left me feeling quite the same after each meeting there. As for sponsees, over the past two years I’ve had to drop a few of them who were either in chronic relapse mode or were verbally abusive to me.
Thankfully, I find myself growing stronger in my decision making these days because of taking care of myself like this. I don’t wish to put myself in situations anymore where I’m running on empty and my energy goes beyond a depleted state. Thus I feel it’s extremely important to continue finding that balance in life where I not only am getting out of myself and helping others, but am also never doing that at the expense of my own healthy and recovery.
The bottom line is that it’s never a good thing to be around anything that drains our life force, even if our egos try to tell ourselves it will get better over time. The reality is that our inner guidance knows when it’s time to move on, we just need to listen to it and take action before we’re going in the opposite direction of spiritual growth…
Peace, love, light, and joy
Andrew Arthur Dawson
