In a few weeks, I’ll be 44 years old and yet I feel like I’ve lived for far longer. What I’ve endured, what I’ve seen, what I’ve done, and how I’ve lived seems to have filled the shoes of multiple lives for multiple people. Yet, somehow, it’s only been 44 years where I’ve experienced as much as I have.
So is there a reason why I’ve experienced as much as I have in such a short period of time? Has God brought me through as much as I have for some greater purpose that I just don’t know about yet? Or am I just living in some crazy illusion, waiting for something to happen that’s never going to materialize?
I know so many people believe that we just need to go out there and create our own future, that we just need to figure it all out on our own, but I’m not so sure of that. I tried that through most of my 44 years of existence and other than enjoying moments where I was living it up through plenty of self-indulgence, I came up with nothing, other than a lot of misery, dead-ends, loneliness, and many painful experiences.
What if it’s really all about teamwork with God?
What if there’s times of waiting on God and times of acting for God?
I’m going to speak specifically on those times of waiting though.
What if those times of waiting are often unheeded by us because we’re so dam impatient? Isn’t that the human condition? Things don’t come fast enough or in the way our mind’s want, so we go out there and try to make it happen in the way we think things should be. I can’t speak for anyone else on this, but I sure do know for myself that I’ve never found success following this pattern of thinking.
So I’ve been waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Waiting on my health to improve. Waiting on God for the next step because I don’t see it yet. And I do believe that God will show me it when it’s time and when I’m ready for it. But in the meantime, my ego has been screaming at me, friends have been telling me I’m insane, some have even gone so far as saying that God’s probably waiting on me to take action.
The truth is…I really don’t know if I’m making the right choice to keep waiting. What I do know though is that waiting is an action, it’s just not one many people take on this planet, especially when it comes to God. Regardless, some part of me says it’s what I must keep on doing. That I must keep on doing what I’m doing to heal, to grow more spiritual, to love more unconditionally, to be like Christ, body, mind, and soul. Maybe all of what I am doing are the actions that God wants me to be doing? Maybe it’s just my ego that says there needs to be more, just because it’s not happy where my life is at in the present moment.
Nevertheless, there are many known spiritual figures throughout history who also took a similar path of waiting by just working on their spiritual health and spiritual condition and eventually found themselves on the greater path they were always meant to be on. So on some level, I’m trying to follow in their shoes.
I think that’s a good thing because I’m truly quite different today from who I once was, as the old me would have given up on waiting on God long ago. But I’m not that person anymore. I’m something different. I’m someone different. I just don’t know yet who that is and who I’m becoming, yet I believe it’s a far better person than I ever could have been by continuing to take action after action that my ego led me to take.
So as I continue to wait upon God, I wait for guidance and direction. I wait because I know what not waiting did for me. I wait because I know what going out there and doing what I think I need to do did for me. I wait because somewhere within me, deep within me, is a yearning, for something greater, something that I believe will only come through waiting, waiting on God…and sometimes I think that’s the hardest task any of us will ever face in life…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
Continue to practice patience, trust in what you believe and want and have faith in GOD!
Trust me, he loves you and I do too!
It is so simple,”asking only for knowledge of his will and the power to carry that out”
works for me when I get serious about it