Do you remember those driver education cars? You know the ones where there’s a second brake in the passenger seat for the instructor to use if needed. Lately I feel like I’m in one of those cars, except my role is reversed. I’m in the passenger seat and my instructor, God, is driving.
Since turning my will and life over to God and trusting that God has a far better plan than any one I ever tried to make for myself, the rides in this spiritual car have often been very challenging. Sometimes the road we’re on is way too bumpy. Other times it feels far too windy or steep. And then there’s plenty of moments where I feel like God is going exceptionally over the speed limit.
Because of this, I’ve occasionally tried to hit that second brake, but I’ve realized something every time I do. It’s usually due to me not trusting that I’m safe and in good hands. The funny thing is that I don’t even think the brake on my side of the car works. On some level I actually feel it’s only there to give me the illusion I’m taking control, but the reality is I’m really not. Thus I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s only one real way for me to leave the car if I truly want to and that’s to jump out.
I’m sure you can imagine how painful it would be in real life to jump from a moving car, especially one that’s going around hairpin turns, travelling up steep hills, or racing along at high speeds. I’ve never done it myself but I know there’s a pretty strong chance I’d be seriously injured if I ever did.
I think the same principle applies to this spiritual car I’m sitting in right now. God has given me free will to get out of the car if I want. But doing so in my world would be equivalent to going back to addictions or finding someone or something else to try to fix me in an easier, softer way. Yet, so far none of these attempts in any of the prior moments of my life have ever quite worked out. In fact, most ended with disastrous results.
Thus I’ve come to the conclusion that the best course of action for me is to remain firmly seated, buckled up, and keep the faith in my Driver. I can’t promise that I may not attempt to hit the brake on my side a few more times as we continue forward on this journey together, even if it doesn’t actually do anything. After all, trusting fully in God can often be an extremely difficult thing to do, especially when you don’t ultimately know the direction your vehicle is heading in.
Nevertheless, I know that God is a far better driver than I am. So I’m going to keep trusting that we’re heading in the right direction and are safe. I just look forward to when we actually reach the next resting place, as I know that while there, I’ll be able to stretch my body and feel at much greater peace than I ever have before…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson