Month: August 2016

I used to play games with people’s minds a lot which was extremely toxic to my spiritual being. One of those tactics when I did so was to push and pull someone through various manipulative behaviors just to keep them chasing after me. Thankfully I haven’t done this in a very long time, but now the tables have turned on me, as I’ve been experiencing the same thing from someone else for a good while and because of this, I understand why this behavior is so unhealthy.

About three years ago I met someone here in my area who initially was quite enjoyable to be around. We spent a lot of time together early on but then their behavior began to abruptly change. I noticed it emerge when I wasn’t available to spend time with them. Given the fact that I’m in a full-time relationship with a partner, I don’t have the free time to hang around someone like I would if I were single. So when those times occurred where I was busy, they would become angry with me and give me guilt trips about not making enough effort to hang out with them. When that manipulation didn’t work, they went to further extremes by avoiding my phone calls, sending angry text messages, or even removing me from Facebook. Eventually, I gave in to those tactics and reconnected with them, attempting to make a greater effort. When it happened a second time, one would think I had had enough. But given the changes I’ve gone through in life with God who helped me see these behaviors in myself, I gave them a third chance. Sadly, it happened again, which is why I finally decided it was time to say goodbye for good to their manipulation.

The bottom line is that pushing and pulling someone’s strings through manipulative behaviors to get one’s way is extremely unhealthy and toxic. I should know as I did it for far too long and all it did for me was drive people away, leaving me utterly alone. I think that’s why I actually have compassion and feel sad for this person. They don’t understand what they’re doing, as I never did either when I engaged in these same type of manipulative behaviors. Often I only saw things from my point of view. In other words, I was so selfish and self-centered that I ultimately believed I had to control my friends through unhealthy manipulation just to keep them around. But it never worked. Pushing and pulling a person through manipulative actions did nothing other than leave me in a place of emptiness and aloneness. And continuing to do so only created more distance between myself and God.

That’s why it’s my hope that this friend will one day see within themselves that which I did within myself not too long ago. But until they do, I know it’s best for me to say goodbye to them and their manipulation, because sticking around and allowing myself to keep dealing with it is only going to bring harm upon my own health, my healing and my connection to God and those are three things I’m not willing to sacrifice anymore in life…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

While I don’t know what it feels like to be confined to a wheelchair for life at the present time, I definitely have compassion for those who are, especially this middle-aged man who asked for my and one of my sponsees help the other day.

We were standing outside in a parking garage at a local hospital talking for a few minutes after a recovery meeting had ended when this man rolled by in his wheelchair on his way to his handicap-accessible van. I half noticed out of the corner of my eye some frustration being vented from him while I continued my conversation with my sponsee when suddenly he shouted over to us and asked for our help.

Unfortunately, a motorcycle had parked illegally next to him and was blocking his access to the wheelchair ramp into his van. He asked if we could roll the bike backwards enough to free up that access, which we promptly did and I could tell how grateful he was afterwards. But at the same time, he was also explicitly angry at whomever owned the bike and I understood that. I in fact just went through something similar the other day with someone who was totally oblivious to my own limitations and treated me accordingly.

What’s interesting about all this is how I used to be one of those ignorant people myself when it came to those with disabilities and handicaps. I used to place my own needs, wants, and desires in front of showing compassion and respect for those who were less fortunate with their health. There were times I too probably blocked access to a handicap spot or even parked in one because it was close to where I needed to go without even thinking of who might be affected by those actions.

Until one becomes disabled or handicapped, it’s hard to understand the mindset of one who is. It’s hard to think about how life for them has plenty of more challenges, especially when all the parts of the body aren’t working correctly to help oneself in various situations like this gentleman who only wanted to get into his vehicle.

That’s why I’m actually grateful I’ve gone through as much humility and hardship in my life as I have in the past bunch of years, because I don’t think I’d be as compassionate and caring and respectful as I am towards people nowadays, notably those who are worse off than I in the disability department. I’m sure that’s also why I tend to always notice the people who are in wheelchairs, missing limbs, or hobbling along in life and I’m thankful I do because I know that God can use me at any point to help them now just like God did in a hospital parking garage the other day…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson