Do you ever feel like you’re totally invisible? I often do, having felt that way far too much, and so has a number of my good friends as well.
A good example with one of them came about a month ago when they went to a social event where they knew quite a number of people. Yet, not a single one said hello or carried on any bit of a conversation with them the entire time they were there. It was as if they were completely invisible. Ironically, I’ve actually observed this very thing happen to them in various social settings where I’ve been present as well. I’ve watched as people we both knew would walk right on by them only to say hello to me, but not them. Sadly, I wholly relate to this every time it happens given how many times I’ve been in those very same shoes. And frankly, it sucks every time it occurs, especially when it comes to where it’s been occurring the most as of late, which is with my partner’s family.
Over the five years I’ve been in this relationship, I’ve spent a considerable amount of time at my partner’s family events and get-togethers. There, at any of them, unless I engage someone into conversation with a question, no one ever talks to me. What’s even more frustrating than this was my realization the other day that I don’t think a single one of them truly knows anything about me, other than what I’ve purposely shared just to get someone to talk to me.
Another good example of me feeling totally invisible came just the other day when my home phone rang. On the other end of the line was someone I knew pretty well. They wanted to know if my partner was home, and when I said he wasn’t but that he had his cell phone on him, they said thanks and hung up. There was no hello how are you doing Andrew? There was no what’s going on in your life Andrew? There was simply no interaction with me at all.
This is ultimately what I mean about feeling totally invisible. It’s as if people don’t even see you, like you don’t exist, and it’s something I’ve known my entire life ever since I was a young kid. What’s interesting though is that there was a long period in my life when this didn’t happen, when I was far from feeling invisible.
That period was when I was heavily engaged in addictions, in addictive behaviors, like gossip and judgment, and other low spiritual conduct. Back then, people flocked to me, loving all that craziness. But I don’t want to ever become visible like that again, by resorting to any of that former existence, as it all was so spiritually unhealthy for me.
So while I continue to clearly observe the many times I’m feeling totally invisible in life these days, I’ve come to a conclusion as to why it keeps on happening. I tend to believe it’s because I beat to my own drum, because I dare to be different, because I like to act different, and well because, I also enjoy looking different. I’m a rather odd duck if you may. And odd ducks really do tend to be overlooked in life, to become totally invisible to the rest of the populace, because well, they’re odd and many people flat out don’t like odd.
But I do.
I truly like to be different, mainly because Christ was different, and I’d rather be like Christ and remain invisible to the majority, then be like who I once was. As back then, being as visible as I was always came with a price, a dark price. And that’s not a price I’m willing to ever pay again, just to overcome any of my current invisibility status in life…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson