Month: December 2016

Why I’m Grateful To God For My Heavy Heart

The weather has definitely shifted here in Toledo with temperatures dropping close to 0 degrees over the past week along with several days of snow accumulation. And while I find some peace and serenity with the beauty that comes in this change of weather, my heart still feels heavy.

It feels heavy for all those like this young man I saw standing outside the entrance to a Home Depot the other day in frigid temperatures, obviously homeless, bundled with several layers, hoping for some kind of financial help. On his back was a sleeping bag and a few possessions.

It feels heavy for all those like this woman I saw a movie theater recently who had barely any motor function control in her body and seemed very sad, all while taking my ticket stub and having to use a cutting board to slice it in half.

It feels heavy for all those like this good friend of mine who recently relapsed heavily back into their alcohol and drug addiction and was kicked out of their home in the process.

It feels heavy for all those who lost their jobs recently and are wondering how they’re going to provide gifts to their family or even make ends meet.

If feels heavy for all those in hospitals that are sick and ailing, and maybe won’t make it through this season or be with any loved ones for the holidays.

It feels heavy for all those who won’t be able to make it outside to enjoy any bit of the magic that comes from seeing or feeling the snowfall on the face and body.

It feels heavy for all those who have no one to be with, are completely alone, and wish they had a companion or a family to enjoy this season with.

It feels heavy for a lot of other things too.

Which is why I’m truly starting to realize there’s a lot more people right now in life going through far worse than any of my own current struggles and woes.

Unfortunately, it’s so easy to get caught up in self-pity at times, even when it’s obvious there is much greater suffering going on all around me. The reality is that I just have to take a quick look around and keep my eyes open every day to see there’s a lot of other pain and anguish going on in this world far worse than mine.

So, thank you God for helping me feel this heavy heart even during this change of weather that usually brings me some peace and serenity. Because it’s through all those things that’s caused me to have this heavy heart that’s helped me to see the abundance I still have in life. I’m truly sorry for all of those selfish moments where I’ve failed to see that. May You forgive me for that and may You bless all those who are going through pain and struggles far worse than I.

I’m truly grateful to you God for my heavy heart…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

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“Moonlight”, A Coming Out Story That Everyone Can Relate To

It’s rare that I ever see a movie that delves into the subject of homosexuality show up in mainstream cinemas. It’s even rarer for one to garner any type of awards, especially the Oscars. The last time this happened dates all the way back to 2005 with Ang Lee’s “Brokeback Mountain”, which starred Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger. But I think this dry spell is bound to end with the recent release of a little gem of a movie titled “Moonlight”.

I was actually surprised when I discovered this film playing locally here in Toledo given how small of a city we are. Normally, very few artsy-based features ever make it into one of the only three theaters we have here. Instead it’s usually more of the standard blockbuster-type popcorn fare. In light of knowing that, a couple days later I attended one of its screenings seeing that most movies like this tend to last no more than a week or two here.

Slightly reminiscent of the movie “Boyhood”, Moonlight chronicles the story of a shy African American kid named Chiron through three different periods of his life: pre-teen (played by Alex R. Hibbert), teenager (played by Ashton Sanders), and young adult (played by Trevante Rhodes). From the onset, we learn that Chiron is desperately trying to find his place in the world. Fatherless and living with a drug-addicted mother in a rough neighborhood of Miami, Chiron has no role models. But when Juan (Maherhshala Ali), a local middle-aged drug dealer, saves him from a bunch of bullies, that all begins to change. The real shift in Chiron’s life takes place though when a boy named Kevin (Jaden Piner) befriends Chiron one day after both finish playing with a bunch of other kids on a soccer field. When Kevin attempts to toughen Chiron up, they end up in a playful wrestling match, which only seems to stir something deep from within for both. From there, the movie follows Chiron through those three periods, as he begins to grapple with his sexuality, his despair over his mother, and his lack of any sort of direction in life.

Without going into any more details so as not to spoil the plot any further, I think it’s best to say that Moonlight was probably the closest to some of my own experiences of coming out in life. While I may not have grown up in a rough neighborhood, I did experience the same lack of healthy parenting Chiron went through, given the dysfunctionality of my parents with their alcoholism and mental illness. And like Chiron as well, before I came to terms with my sexuality, I went through a long period of looking for role models in guys I was attracted to, which for me ranged widely from drug dealers to retired businessmen.

Without a doubt, this is much of the reason why Moonlight definitely struck several heart chords within me. Done in a very tasteful and never overly sexualized way, Moonlight speaks to the many struggles an individual often goes through in trying to come to terms with not only their sexuality, but also their place in life. By far, I feel Moonlight deserves to be healthily nominated during the upcoming film awards season. It’s my hope it will even penetrate the Academy Awards this year as well, seeing that movies centered around black people have sadly been overlooked more than not there.

Nevertheless, I highly recommend seeing Moonlight, even for those who don’t have a same-sex attraction, because like Brokeback Mountain did many years ago, this film speaks on more than one level and is done in a way that truly is gentle and moving to the soul. It really is a story that everyone can relate to and it’s my hope that more mainstream movies like this will be made in the near future. And just as importantly, it’s also my hope you’ll see why I gave the film 5 out of 5 stars.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

moonlight