Wouldn’t it be nice if we all lived in a perfect world, where we always got our way in life and where everything constantly worked out on our behalf with our friendships, with our partners, at our jobs, and everything in between? Sure, except most of us accept and know that’s not the reality. Unfortunately, a person with an addiction, who hasn’t found recovery from it, doesn’t. And the result of this for them is generally to engage in some addiction to deal with any of those imperfections that come their way, rather than face them head on.
What makes it even more difficult for an addict who wants a perfect world is that notion that the world often portrays it being totally acceptable when the imperfections happen by finding ways to numb the pain. The entertainment industry is notorious for this, regularly showing people in miserable relationships cheat on their partners, or individuals who lose their jobs, pouring their sorrows into some liquor for example. Rarely does one ever see people sitting through their pain and attempting to heal. And for addicts, it’s these visual representations that are used as platforms to justify numbing life’s imperfections over and over again solely because they don’t know how to handle life on life’s terms.
So, in their drive to find a perfect world that doesn’t exist, they become frustrated with the imperfections they come up against and choose to drown them out through a bottle of booze, a pill, a trip to a casino, overindulging in food, going to a strip club, hiring an escort, finding a lover on the side, etc. But ultimately, the healthiest thing for each of them would be to sit in all their uncomfortability that comes from living in this imperfect world and face the pain, the fear and the like. That might involve crying, reaching out to friends and other loved ones, going to support groups, journaling, seeing a therapist, and more.
Sadly, addicts don’t tend to do these things. They don’t want to deal with the imperfect world at all and instead opt to hide from all that fear and pain in their addiction itself. I should know given how many years and how many addictions I went through to realize this. Most prevalent was probably my dissatisfaction in every single intimate relationships I got in, where I’d always find something lacking and would choose to supplement it elsewhere.
Thankfully, I don’t do this anymore. Case in point, my partner doesn’t necessarily provide the cuddling I would love to have, as I’m a huge cuddler, yet I’m not spending time looking for that from other people, which I would have done in the past. Instead, when I really need a cuddle and don’t get it, I sit in that uncomfortability and pray to God. I cry through the tears and talk to my therapist about it and in the process, I’ve grown a lot stronger spiritually. Sure, it would be easy to find someone else to provide it temporarily or even drown it into some other type of overindulgence. But in the long run, it’s only going to create a vicious cycle of me attempting to create a perfect world and avoiding any imperfection that comes my way.
That’s why I find it truly sad now when I see an active addict of any kind failing to comprehend this. Watching them implode as they pursue a perfect world again and again, all the while avoiding the imperfect one that’s constantly in front of them. But there is hope to break this cycle for all addicts of any kind. In my case, I found it through my 12 Step recovery, a deeper relationship with God and Christ, and facing each of my hurts and pains head on. It may not have felt good at first when I began this path, but eventually it got a lot easier. But even better, I’ve lost that addict’s drive for a perfect world and started to accept the imperfect one with a lot more serenity and peace…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
