I know this might sound like a strange thing to say, but having a cat as a pet over the past bunch of years has really changed my capacity for unconditional love.
Not too long ago, I had a cold, closed heart, that rarely opened for anyone or anything. Sadly, when it did, it was usually for the sake of a romantic pursuit that was never that healthy. But when I met my current partner, I also met his cat at the time whose name was Driggs and Driggs was a female who from the onset didn’t like me, nor I her. Yet one day, about a year into our standoffish relationship that was mostly filled with a lot of hissing and scolding, I was going through an exceptionally pain-filled day. I had been laying on the couch and watching television, feeling incredibly depressed, when Driggs suddenly jumped up on top of me, totally startling me. I didn’t touch her at first and watched as she stared at me and began to pace around on my belly, almost as if she was testing me. Then as abruptly as she appeared, she then collapsed into a small ball on my chest and began to purr, at which point I laid my hand on her. It’s then our stalemate finally ended, but something else ended at that moment as well and that was the strong wall I had built around my heart. Driggs was the first one to pierce that wall who didn’t quite fit into any of the unhealthy categories of whom I had allowed to pierce it in the past. And for the next three years, Driggs made sure to be around me all the time, on many tear-soaked days, always finding a way to cheer me up and open my heart a little more.
While it was truly devastating having to put Driggs down when she developed mouth cancer, I vowed to not let her death cause my heart to close again. So instead of choosing to do things to numb that pain like I had done any time I had hurt in the past, I opted to go through it, talking to her on many a day, hoping she was with God and out of pain. I actually think I cried harder and longer during that period of time, more so than even when I went through my own parent’s deaths. That’s how great of an impact a simple cat had on my life, as somehow she had found a way to pierce that fortress I had built around my heart. And while Driggs was frequently seen by others as a mean cat, constantly hissing and growling at everyone she encountered, she allowed me to see a side of her that I can only attest had to have come from God. I truly believe God knew I needed something just like her to help increase my capacity for unconditional love.
Having gone through as much pain as I have in my life due to alcoholic parents, being molested, having been bullied, receiving racism because of my sexuality, dealing with tragic deaths of both of my parents, and succumbing to a number of addictions for over two decades are what made my heart go into seclusion. I never thought I could or would open up again, but Driggs found a way to change all that and in doing so, it reverberated outward ten times fold, helping me to learn how to unconditionally love so many I never could in the past.
My life today is extremely different because of Driggs and now that a new addition has come into my household, that being Smokey the cat, life is far different. And for that matter, my relationship with Smokey is far different too. Smokey is a male cat who seems to love people. He also loves playing, cuddling, and is just plain lovable. He follows me everywhere and each time I spend moments hanging out with him, I feel better about myself and my life. But more importantly, I also feel a greater capacity to go out in my day and show unconditional love.
Maybe that’s why God created animals such as cats (and dogs too for that matter too), to help us break down those walls that we tend to build up from all the pain we go through in life. Maybe God knew long ago that people were going to need something more than a human being to help mend all our broken hearts. And maybe, just maybe, God knew that Andrew Arthur Dawson was going to need to meet a cat named Driggs and another named Smokey, to help him forge a new life, one that had a far greater capacity for unconditional love, not just for himself, but for all others as well…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
