By Andrew Arthur Dawson
“Worry less about what others think and focus more on how you see yourself. The most important opinion of you is your own. Don’t let outside voices tell you otherwise, as the greatest prison you can ever live in, is the fear of what other people think of you.” (Unknown)
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
Are you one of those people who wants everyone to like you and really struggles when someone doesn’t, especially when you have no idea why? I am, and my first sponsor in recovery used to give me the following advice anytime this insecurity ever surfaced within me:
“What other people think of you is none of your business!!!”
Honestly, I never liked hearing her say that, but I always knew she was right. The fact is, people are entitled to feel however they wish to feel about me, or anyone for that matter, and they don’t have to explain why. Yet, my insecurities have often driven me to get to the root of the “why”, which more than not have always caused me to feel far worse in doing so.
Unfortunately, I’ve tended to also be one of those people who can be in a room of 100 people where 99 of them may truly like me, but when one doesn’t and totally avoids me like the plague, I tend to spend an incredible amount of energy focusing on them. I try to figure out exactly why they don’t, and even attempt to find ways to show them I’m a good person, all in the hopes that I may somehow receive their approval.
Pretty ridiculous, right?
Trust me I know and it all boils down to my own level of self-acceptance and self-worth, much of which I didn’t learn when growing up. So here I am in my adulthood, still facing an issue that I never ascertained as a kid and frankly, it’s been a rather difficult one to move beyond. My mind constantly seems determined to figure out why someone may not like me and in turn, I do everything I can to correct what I perceive to be the problem.
But it’s not a problem, it’s just life and people form their opinions of others for whatever their reasons. Many in fact do just that with this blog because of the things I continue to write about within it. Trust me, I’ve had my fair share of people unfriend or unfollow me, avoiding me in life, and even go so far as express negative statements in the comments section because they haven’t liked what I had to say.
Yet it’s actually been a rather good thing because it’s helped to let go of some of this insecurity that’s been there for so long, deep within me. The realization I keep coming to each time this arises is that if someone has a problem with me and is unwilling to confront me with it in a loving way, then they’re not worth expending my energy on them. It’s better to simply let them sit in whatever their own uncomfortability is with me, then attempt to challenge them, because it’s really about them, and not me. It also only causes me undue stress and tension when I have confronted someone who doesn’t like me and that’s the last thing I need right now in my life!
So, I’m coming to accept more and more these days that when I know someone has a problem with me to just let it go. If God ultimately wants that person in my life, they’ll come around, and if God doesn’t, then it’s best to keep them at a distance, because it’s probably for a good reason.
Nevertheless, I get my original sponsor’s advice more so now than ever before, as essentially she was only letting me know that I have plenty of other things far more important to place my focus on, then on someone who may not like me and is choosing to hold onto some sort of negativity towards me…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
Has there ever been a time when you were talking the talk, but not walking the walk, in some area of your life? If so, what area was it?
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson