Recently I sat in an AA meeting where the topic was about the importance of fellowship in recovery. After sharing my own thoughts on the subject in that meeting, I decided to do the same here in my blog, seeing that others might be interested in my belief there are both blessings and hindrances to the fellowship.
Taking part in fellowship is generally an important piece of recovery from an addiction, especially for a newcomer. The reason for this is due to the lone wolf syndrome those most usually go through when active in their disease. What that refers to is how generally the only friend an addict frequently has is the substance of their addiction itself. Most of their friends are pushed away in favor of their addiction, thus when they finally come to the rooms of recovery, being alone is what they’re used and also what’s been one of their biggest driving forces to remain active in their disease. That’s why the fellowship is present in recovery for this very reason, to help people overcome that aloneness they experienced time and time again that made them want to use and stay numb. This is exactly why I sought the fellowship from the onset of me coming into the rooms of recovery.
Initially, it came from being a part of a home group, where I showed up early and left late, where I went out for coffees and dinners with other group members, where I participated in game nights and various other fun outings together. Later, it branched out to other things too, but in all of it, I didn’t feel that alone anymore, which in turn kept me from having the desire to act out during all those moments where I used to feel so lonely. And that’s precisely why the fellowship of recovery became a blessing to me. But unfortunately, it also became a hindrance when I went from being that lone wolf to constantly being busy with so many activities.
This hindrance I speak of was to my spiritual walk with God and with myself. You see, one of the most important parts of healing in recovery is also learning how to spend time alone as well, which makes this almost a dichotomy in of itself. While it’s important to have fellowship, it’s just as important to be alone because it’s in those moments where we not only learn how to like ourselves again, we also seen to receive much of our Higher Power’s guidance, direction, and wisdom.
But in time, I became so engrossed in the fellowship that I grew more and more disconnected to God and ultimately to myself as well. I became so involved with others that I stopped doing the things I liked to do and found myself really struggling to connect with God and know what God’s will was for me anymore. In other words, my inner pendulum had swung from one extreme, the lone wolf, to the other extreme, the overly social butterfly. After a lengthy period of time living like this, I actually began to fear being alone, which caused me to despise every moment I ended up spending by myself.
Eventually, all of this came to a head when I realized that neither extreme was a good one to exist in. Thankfully though, through a number of life circumstances that happened, that inner pendulum found a spot to land on that was more in the middle. I.E., I found balance.
Finding balance in life is key for one’s spiritual journey and these days, I believe I’ve found that by having both a good mix of fellowship and alone time. Now I have a few weekly standing social engagements with others that help me to stay connected. Yet, I also enjoy time alone working in the yard, taking a walk down to the lake, working on a puzzle, or just sitting in a room listening to some new age music.
Nevertheless, I’ve learned over time that fellowship in recovery has both its blessing and hindrances, but I’m grateful I’ve found a healthy balance with it along the way. Because in doing so, I’ve gained the joy of connection with others, as well as the joy of being alone with God and myself…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
