When I used to think about what an alcoholic was prior to ever admitting to being one, I always envisioned the homeless people on the streets of New York City that I grew up near, who lived on top of sewer grates or under bridges, who smelled badly, who talked to themselves, and who constantly had some kind of bagged alcoholic beverage in hand. I eventually discovered that alcoholics come in many more varieties, once I had succumbed to the addiction pretty deeply myself.
I held similar misconceptions to what a sex or love addict was for the longest time as well. Way before I ever admitted to being one of those, I constantly envisioned them as those flashers who wore long coats and had nothing underneath them, or those XXX theaters goers that spent hours on end there, or those who went to rest areas for quick hook ups, or those who frequently cheated on their partners and couldn’t ever keep it in their pants, or those who preyed on innocent children. But little did I know that sex and love addicts came in plenty of other varieties too, some quite subtle in fact. And it wasn’t until this addiction had me in its icy grips that I ultimately realized that.
Unfortunately, it’s these types of judgments as to what an addict looks like that often keep people from getting the help they need. So, addicts, such the alcoholic who only drink once or twice a week, or the sex and love based one, who only look at porn for an hour each day, never even consider the notion they might have a problem. Yet if they were able to take a step outside themselves, they might see they actually have a dependency on those one or two days to drink or that one hour a day of porn.
Another harsh truth to this is that the people who often make these strong judgments as to what an addict looks like, strictly do so to prevent themselves from ever having to label themselves as one. Even worse, those strong judgments create such terrible stigmata in their mind, that the thought of ever being one creates terrible shame.
That’s why I never imagined my six pack of beer after work each day was a problem. And it’s also why I never thought my occasional phone and cybersex conversations or my falling for married or unavailable men was a problem either. Sadly, it took me years to make it into the rooms of recovery because of these erroneous judgments. It literally became a thing of utter disgust to even think about admitting I had either of these addictions, because of those gross judgments I had made as to what an addict looked like.
Nevertheless, it is said that one third of the children growing up right now in this world are going to succumb to one of these addictions at some point in their life. Thus, it’s my hope that in sharing about things like this, that maybe one of them may come across these words someday and realize addicts come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and various forms. And that the pictures that have often been painted of what they are supposed to look like aren’t necessarily true.
The reality is that there are far too many gross misconceptions out there as to what an addict looks like. Many never would have even guessed I was an alcoholic and a sex and love addict during all my active years in either addiction, yet I still was. That’s why I encourage everyone these days to throw away all those stereotypical images and preconceived notions as to what they think an addict looks like, because quite often they truly look just like you and me…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
