One of the more misunderstood things in recovery from addiction is what it means to be a member of a home group. I’ve witnessed plenty over the years that have not had any idea of the true purpose of one and unfortunately, when confronted with it, they tend either get mad at those for giving them that guidance or outright disappear, never to return, or both.
Being a member of a home group doesn’t mean just having one’s name and number on a list. Rather, it means doing one’s best to show up each week, arriving early to help to set up, to make coffee, to put pamphlets out, and the like. It means taking on a position in the group, like the General Service Representative, the monthly chairperson, the person who does the collection, the sobriety chips, etc. And it means staying after the meetings ends as well, cleaning up, taking out the trash, and making sure everything is put back to how it was when everyone arrived. Yet, that often seems to not be the case with far too many people these days in the recovery world.
They join a group because they are told to. Yet, that’s as far it goes for many of them. So, why is that? Well the truth is one which I often get yelled at for imparting upon others every time I see this happening. It’s even what’s caused me to be unfriended on Facebook lately by a few. And it’s something that most don’t ever want to see thrown in their face.
The fact is most people who are addicts on any level are selfish and self-centered by nature. They are consumed with themselves, unwilling to see beyond their own needs, wants, and desires in life. Thus, the concept of becoming a member of a home group challenges that, because it means becoming more selfless, and doing something that doesn’t outright benefit them directly. And that’s a foreign concept, especially those relatively new to sobriety, as well as those who have never really worked the steps.
Look, I was guilty of this myself many years ago, letting a number of secretaries in a number of different meetings know that I wanted to be a member, seeing my name be placed on their lists, and literally doing nothing more than showing up when I felt like it. The result of that, was nothing more than me continuing to sit in my world of selfishness and self-centeredness. And any time someone confronted me on what it meant to be a member of a home group, I basically said “Screw you” and left the meeting, never to return, deleting their number, and unfriending them from my life. Ironically, now I’m on the other side of this, watching people who remind me of the old me, who have every excuse under the sun why they aren’t more of an active member of their home group.
I’m just glad I woke up at some point along the way and began to see this differently. I’m grateful how I finally saw that I wasn’t changing for the better in my recovery. And I’m thankful for all those people who ever took a risk and attempted to explain to me what it meant to be a member of a home group because I totally get it now. While I may have not liked the constant advice about being a member of a home group back then, I treasure it now, as much as I treasure the group I’m part of at the present time.
There, I actually look forward to showing up early and setting up, to getting some hugs and cheerful hellos, to hearing the coffee percolate, to seeing the cookies and fruit prepared on their platters, to giving the sobriety chips out, and to making the place look like we had never been there after the meeting ends. Because somewhere within all of that, I continue to become a more selfless person in life, one who cares more about the needs, wants, and desires of others, more so than my own. And isn’t that truly what recovery is meant to be all about?
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
