Daily Reflection

“The more anger and resentment one carries around their heart, the less capable their heart becomes of truly loving anyone or anything unconditionally.” (Unknown)

 My partner has been going through a very rough time in life over the past few years. Unemployment, estranged family, the constant strain from the health issues I continue to face, and a number of other things from both his past and the present has caused him to become a lot more angry and resentful in life. Thankfully, he’s starting to realize that all that anger and resentment is poison to his heart, only making it more and more hardened the longer he carries it around. He’s also beginning to see how difficult it is to be comforting, compassionate, and loving to those he’s around. The reality for me though, with my own spiritual journey, is how much I can actually relate to this.

I used to live with such a level of anger and resentment that I felt the need to constantly point out what was wrong in the world. There were always bad drivers driving, governments doing terrible jobs governing, co-workers working lazily and being ignorant, employees at stores doing poor jobs in their employment, neighbors slacking off from their neighborhood duties, bosses doing terrible jobs at bossing, weather weathering my moods, friends not being friendly enough, doctors not doctoring me thorough enough, and well, I’m sure you get the point. The fact is, I walked around with so much anger and resentment that it made it virtually impossible to be comforting to those who needed comfort, compassionate to those who needed compassion, and loving to those who needed love. Instead, I became self-absorbed and carried all that poison around every day until it finally left me alone with nothing but a hardened heart. That’s why I’m grateful I work hard these days to not hold onto any anger or resentment, to always forgive, even when my ego doesn’t want to, and to unconditionally love, even when faced with hate.

So, it’s my hope that my partner will continue on the path he’s on now, one to become free of all his own anger and resentments, as I know in doing so, it will not only strengthen our relationship in God’s love, it will also do the same for anyone or anything else that ever walks with him on part of his journey in life as well.

I pray to release all anger and resentment from within me and to forgive all those I may hold any of that towards as I do. And I pray that what remains behind after all that is gone is nothing but an open and loving heart for everyone and everything.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Daily Reflection

“Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to the mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move.” (Matthew 17:20)

A close friend of mine asked me recently “Has your suffering been eliminated by your faith?” While I couldn’t give him an emphatic “Yes!”, like I really wanted to because I know it wouldn’t be true, I was grateful I could honestly respond by saying at least some of it actually has been.

You see, without faith, which is pretty much where I was at in 2011, I was living in a constant whirlwind of a sex and love addiction that eventually led me to attempt suicide. That was definitely the worst feeling I’ve ever had in life and the most intense suffering I’ve ever felt as well. Life without faith ultimately led me to believe that there was no other solution than to either continue living in the sick addiction I was or to kill myself and I opted for the latter. Thankfully, I didn’t succeed and have lived to write about it many times over in this blog ever since.

Look, I may not regularly be experiencing the happy, joyous, and free feelings yet that recovery and a life of faith are said to bring, mostly because my physical pain seems to block me from feeling much of that. But I do have at least enough faith, a mustard seed sometimes at best, to keep going, to not take my life, and to continue remaining sober from not just an addiction that almost took my life, but also all the other addictions I once fell prey to. And that alone has moved an incredibly tall mountain out of my life that I never thought could be moved.

It’s also the suffering I’m speaking of, that my faith has eliminated thus far. And without it, I know my suffering would be so much worse. So, in light of that, I’d rather take my life of faith any day, then a life without, because a life without would be sure death for me. And at least with that mustard seed of faith I still have living within me, one very large mountain hasn’t returned and I know the others will eventually be moved away as well.

I pray I may always hold onto at least a mustard seed of faith God, to help me to keep going, to keep believing, and to keep trusting in You, as I know the suffering that comes from without it leads to nowhere but a very dark place, and that’s something I never wish to experience again.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson