“How do I know who to pick for a sponsor?” I probably hear this question at least once a week in the 12-Step recovery meetings I attend and it’s a very valid question indeed, especially for those who have no idea what a sponsor is for. But rather than going into a long and drawn out explanation of the latter, since that’s not the purpose of today’s article, let me at least say, the main purpose of a sponsor is to bring a person through the 12 Steps of recovery.
Now, for the actual question I initially posed, the one that continues to be posed in many of the recovery meetings I regularly attend, how does one actually figure out who to choose for their sponsor? My rule of thumb for those who ever ask me this, is for them to really pay attention to who they identify with the most in the meetings they attend. In other words, who’s words, when they speak, do they find themselves connecting to. Who seems to hold the ideals that they want for themselves? Who appears to hold the qualities that they themselves are seeking? Those are just some of the questions I tell people to ask themselves as they seek out a sponsor.
Personally, when I seek a sponsor these days, no matter what 12 Step recovery program it’s for, I look for someone who doesn’t overly swear, who speaks a lot about God or their Higher Power, who doesn’t seem to be full of pride and ego, who acts humble, who is open-minded, and who does a lot to help others selflessly.
I know that might sound like a tall order, but that sponsor is out there and I currently have one who fits that precisely in one of my recovery programs. I treasure their help and am inspired by the depth of work they do in their own life to better themselves spiritually on a daily basis. While that’s what I look for, please understand that the spiritual, mental, and emotional criteria for a sponsor will be different for each and every person.
So, if you’re ready to take the spiritual journey through the steps and are looking for a sponsor to guide you, ask God to help you in that search, remain open to those you find yourself drawn to in the aspect of their recovery in every recovery meeting you attend, avoid choosing close friends or people you are physically attracted to, and know that when you ask someone, they may indeed not be open to sponsorship at this time. If that ends up happening, ask them for suggestions for someone similar to them, and continue to remain open to where the search may lead next.
The bottom line though in this whole process of how to pick a sponsor for yourself ultimately comes down to one thing. What do you want out of your recovery? If you can identify even a few things, then you are well your way to having enough criteria to seek it out in a potential sponsor. And if by some chance, you find yourself having little to no success locating that individual with that criteria, know you can always start the steps with anyone and change sponsors later, as there truly is nothing wrong with that and it happens all the time.
Nevertheless, picking out a sponsor may feel scary, but if you are serious about doing the steps, ask God for help in finding the person who will best be able to help you, remain open to who may show up, and I promise you that once they do, that fear will pass and you will be well on your way to a healthy recovery from your addiction.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
