From the very moment I stopped drinking alcohol and taking drugs and began a life of sobriety from both, many sober old-timers would remind me at any meetings I attended, that I needed to “take the cotton out of my ears and place it in my mouth” while there. Unfortunately, I didn’t ever listen to them, which proved to be totally detrimental to my recovery for many, many years.
The truth is, I always felt like I had to share something in every meeting I attended, up until only a few years ago. Early on, I used meetings as a dumping ground for all my problems, almost like a therapy session. Meetings were on some level, simply a place where I unloaded the drama from my life. And I spent most of those meetings thinking about what I needed to say, rather than listening to what anyone else was sharing, thus losing valuable insight and guidance for my recovery.
Twelve years into my sobriety, I finally started to do the 12 Step work and stopped using the meetings as that dumping ground. Regrettably though, I went in the complete opposite direction. After learning all the things I did in my 12 Step recovery work, I found the need to keep sharing at every meeting, except then I became a “Mr. Know It All”, always feeling like I knew more than everyone else and had to share my “great sober wisdom”.
As if that wasn’t enough to show how much my ego was still in control, I also found myself often getting irritable and angry when I didn’t get a chance to speak in meetings, instead criticizing those who had shared for long periods of time. Ironically, if I had just placed that cotton in my mouth like those old-timers once suggested, I would have seen a strong reflection of myself in those I was silently criticizing.
But somewhere along the way, in the past few years or so, I thankfully became more reserved, way more reserved actually. I stopped raising my hand to share at every single meeting I attended and instead started listening more. And you know what? I began hearing the exact things I would have said if I had shared, but even more importantly, I also began hearing the things I needed to hear on many specific days when I was really seeking some recovery guidance.
Because of this shift in my sharing, I get all those old-timers now and their saying I once thought was so ridiculous. When I first arrived into sobriety, I had plenty of cotton in my ears and didn’t listen to anyone. Rather, I just talked and talked and talked and talked, hoping anyone would listen to me. Ultimately, I was deaf to hearing any sober guidance or direction and it really showed negatively in my life. But when I began taking that cotton of out my ears, I still refused to place it in my mouth to keep me from speaking. Instead, the valuable things I heard in the meetings didn’t get retained much in my brain because my ego was far more interested in remaining in the spotlight by sharing what I thought I knew.
It’s funny in that I just celebrated 22 years of sobriety and find myself taking those old-timers advice now, even in the meetings where I’m chairing. Because I find I get a lot more out of the listening to others and shutting up, rather than blabbing either a bunch of nonsense or a bunch of things that make me sound like I know everything, because I truly don’t.
So, if you happened to be new to sobriety, I’m going to be that old-timer right now and suggest what was once suggested to me. Take the cotton out of your ears, and place it in your mouth. Really listen to what’s being said in every meeting you attend and use a sponsor to discuss anything you might feel the need to share during them. Your sponsor will know when you have something to offer and will tell you when it’s time to share and eventually, you will inherently know this too, like I did, 22 years later…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
