“Most humans are never fully present in the now, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one. But then you miss your whole life, which is never not now.” (Eckhart Tolle)
I fully believe that a true friend is someone who acknowledges not only the positive aspects of myself, but also any negative ones that are potentially hurting either our relationship, them, or even me. Jeff A. and Michael E. from Toledo, are two of those very people who were honest enough to tell me just recently that while they’ve seen me spiritually grow quite a bit over the past few years, that I’ve still been doing one specific behavior that’s bothered them, that being spending more time on my phone than actually engaged with them when we’ve been together.
And you know what? They’re right.
I do spend WAY TOO MUCH TIME on my phone when I hang out with friends.
If I’m not responding to text messages that come in, I’m surfing the web for an answer to something I’m thinking about. And if I’m not surfing the Internet for an answer to something I’m thinking about, I’m reading and responding to emails. And if I’m not reading and responding to emails, I’m answering or making a phone call to someone else.
Yet when doing any of that, I’m not being fully present with my friends, like I wasn’t being with Jeff and Michael, who were thankfully close enough to tell me how much it was really starting to bother them. And I totally agree, because I’m REALLY bothered anytime I’m out with someone I consider to be a friend when they do the very same thing with their cell phones. I had a conversation in fact, with my friend Frank a few months ago when I felt the hour and a half we spent bi-weekly dining together was occupied more by his phone than with us. Little did I realize he was just another mirror for a behavior I was still refusing to see within myself.
It truly has become a bad habit and one that originated with my business of life. My justification of doing it began with the notion that I wanted my free time to be just that, my free time. Time where I wasn’t texting, phone calling, or surfing the Internet. So, I started handling anything that came in on my Smart phone as soon as it arrived, regardless of who I was with at the time, solely so that I didn’t have to do it later when I was on my own downtime.
How rude and self-centered is that? A lot! And I see that pretty clearly now, which is why I plan on working on turning my cell phone to silent and keeping it in its holster from now on each time I’m hanging out with friends because you know what? They truly deserve my full attention.
I pray I may always remain present with each of the friends I spend time with by remembering that they deserve my full attention and that everything else vying for my attention can wait until a little later.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
