Month: July 2017

Daily Reflection

“Your emptiness is but the preparation for your being filled, and your casting down is but the making ready for your lifting up.” (Charles Spurgeon)

I tend to believe that part of the human condition is one where we’re prone to feeling empty more than not and that is the very reason why so many of us often end up seeking some person, place, or thing outside of ourselves to fill that void. Unfortunately, there is no person, place, or thing that can ever permanently do that, but that doesn’t seem to stop the ego from trying again and again and again. I should know given the amount of addictions I succumbed to over several decades while looking for ways to fill it. I became like a car that has to constantly go the gas station to fill up with fuel, just to keep going, yet always returning back to empty. Then I heard of plenty of suggestions along the way with how to fill the emptiness up in much healthier ways.

Go help someone less fortunate. Volunteer your time. Journal in a diary. Take up a healthy hobby like gardening. Learn a new trade. Enroll in some classes. And so on and so forth. And you know what? They didn’t fill that emptiness up either. Each were but a temporary solution, no different than how alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, caffeine, cigarettes, etc., were for me either. All of those solutions were me seeking something outside of myself to fill the void and that’s something my Buddhist teachings told me was merely an illusion. And eventually, I experienced the truth in that.

It happened when I was on a 10-day silent retreat over a decade ago now, where I had to sit with my emptiness, where I was not able to write, read, have access to TV or friends, or communicate with anyone for that matter. Through it all, I experienced an emptiness that was far deeper than anything I could ever imagine. But I sat through it and watched the rise and fall of so many unnecessary cravings for things in life. And then one day, towards the latter half of that retreat, something shifted within me. It was then I felt an energy, a presence, a Light come from within. And it filled that emptiness up. Completely. Sadly, I lost that presence six months later when I fell prey to some temptations and stresses of life, succumbing all over again to the illusion that there was something “out there” that could cure my emptiness.

Thankfully, I started coming out of this illusion once more about five years ago and have been working on sitting in my emptiness again, rather than looking for ways outside of myself to fill it up. But this time, it’s been even harder to do, because I have so much pain going on at the moment in my mind and body, much in part due to the release of all the lower vibrational energies I took in. All of it begs me to look for something “out there” to take it away immediately. Yet, I know that in continuing to sit through this emptiness, instead of looking for ways to take it away temporarily, it will shift, in the Universe’s own unique timing, just like it did on that silent retreat.

So, while I may not like this emptiness I feel pretty much 24/7 these days, I know my decision to accept it as it is and sit through it, is preparing myself to be filled by something far Greater, something that I know CAN and WILL replenish itself from within, so long as I stay out of that illusion that the world has the answer to cure it, because it doesn’t.

Thank you, God, for helping me to face and sit through my emptiness, as I know in doing so, I am preparing myself to be filled by something far more sustainable that will lift me out of the illusion that says the answer is out there in the world, because I know the answer really isn’t. As it’s in here, within me, with You.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

“Is suffering really necessary? Yes and no. If you had not suffered as you have, there would be no depth to you as a human being, no humility, no compassion. You would not be reading this now. Suffering cracks open the shell of ego, and then comes a point when it has served its purpose. Suffering is necessary until you realize it is unnecessary.” (Eckhart Tolle)

AND

“Our suffering is not caused by whatever is happening to us. It is caused by the thought that whatever is happening to us is not supposed to be happening to us.” (Teal Swan)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Why Does God Allow Suffering?

Why does God allow suffering? That’s a question so many would like to know the answer to, especially those who have gone through a lot of it in their life. I honestly wish I had the true answer to this question, given that I’ve been suffering myself with chronic pain issues for some time now.

How I’m currently handling this question is not something that seems to work for others, as I ultimately believe that I made a contract with myself before I ever came into this life. One where I was meant to go through this very suffering I’m going through now, solely to help raise my spiritual vibration.

Look, I know that might sound preposterous, but really, if you knew me just over six years ago and any year before that dating back into my late teens, then you would see how much of a transformation I’ve gone through already that wasn’t happening before I began dealing with this pain. As prior to this, I lived in a constant state of addiction with someone or something. I also was always manipulating, lying, controlling, scheming, and lacking in compassion, generosity, and sensitivity for anyone going through tough times.

Except that’s all different now, and all that has come through this suffering. But do I enjoy suffering? Hell no, with a strong emphasis on the word Hell, because it often feels like I’m living in Hell these days. Yet, somehow, I care a lot more about people now. I consider other’s needs, wants, and desires ahead of my own more than not. I let life going on around me happen so much more than how I used to try to control every second of it. I tell the truth all the time, even when it hurts. And I don’t have constant hidden agendas anymore either.

This suffering really has changed me. Greatly.

It’s opened a heart within me that was closed for years and helped me to become more respectful not just of people, but also of nature and all the animals and creatures that live amongst us. In fact, I often try to rescue many of them that come into my house now, by escorting them outside in a glass, rather than stomping on them, like I used to do in the past. And as hard as it is for me to admit this, suffering has transformed me from being a guy who once threw a duck’s nest and all its eggs back at the duck in anger, only because it was on my property, to someone whose heart now grieves at the thought of ever doing something like that again.

Yes, I was that type of guy before this suffering.

And prior to this round of suffering, I went through plenty of other sufferings too, like when my father committed suicide, or when my mother drunkenly fell down the stairs to her death, or when I was molested at 12 by a man thirty plus years my age, or when I was bullied throughout most of my grammar school years, or when I lost my business, my home, and an incredible amount of money along with it, and so on and so forth.

So yes, I’ve had my share of suffering in this life and have often asked why an unconditionally loving God would allow me to go through so much of it. Because honestly, in the midst of all these sufferings, life has generally sucked. But through each of them, I always seem to draw much closer to God, which in turn has led me to much greater spiritual growth.

So, why do I think God allows suffering? Well, while one of my friends has said it’s because God is a sadist and gets off on seeing people suffer, I choose to believe that God knows the person I’m going to become on the other side of my suffering is a much better version of myself. And maybe, just maybe, it’s also because I actually planned it for myself prior to ever coming into this life, knowing it was precisely what I needed to go through, to become the brighter, higher vibrational soul I absolutely wish to become.

And consider this as well. If God prevented all of our suffering, would we ever become grateful for what we have, given that our ego would never go through any pain? And for that matter, would we even have any desire at that point to seek something Greater than ourselves to guide our lives, because wouldn’t our ego’s be just fine in guiding ourselves?

I think those are definitely some better questions to consider, rather than why does God allow suffering. Because suffering is something that really has made me become a person I like, and one that others like too, which is a far cry from who I used to be before all this suffering began, as then hardly anyone really liked me the more they got to know me, including even myself…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson