For many who are single, the desire to be in a relationship often manifests as an aching and longing, almost as if a part of oneself won’t be whole until “The One” is found. I’ve been there and know that feeling quite well, but I also believe it’s merely an illusion.
I say this because while I may be currently in a relationship, I still feel that aching and longing on far too many-a-days and have allowed my ego to occasionally blame that on my partner, even though it has nothing to do with him.
Rather, I’m convinced this aching and longing has to do with learning how to be at peace with ourselves and finding a greater connection with the Divine. Except that’s something that tends to feel so far out of reach in this world and because of it, many opt to frequently seek it in the short term through some person, place, or thing. Thus, precisely why so many will search for “The One” or anyone for that matter to spend their life with, believing that in finding it, it will remove that aching and longing. And at first, it can actually seem like getting into a new relationship, especially with someone we think may be “The One”, because it does temporarily remove those unwanted feelings. This seems to be even truer for those who have gone through long periods of time being single and alone.
Nevertheless, in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship, when two people are first getting to know each other, the flaws and imperfections of each person are generally overlooked. But eventually, when all that buzz begins to wear off and when the newness of that relationship has passed, is usually the moment when those flaws and imperfections begin to be noticed and often glaringly. And the more the focus is placed on them, rather than on with one’s own inadequacies, the faster that aching and longing returns, commonly driving one or both straight out of that relationship, and on to the hunt for the next one.
This is exactly why I got caught up in one love addiction after another because I kept seeking the newness of a relationship, solely because with each, at least temporarily, I wasn’t in touch with that aching and longing feeling inside me. It’s also why I got caught up in things like pornography, cybersex, phone sex, and massive flirtation with others because they too temporarily were able to remove those unwanted feelings.
But the reality was that they were never removed at all. They were simply suppressed deep down within me. Thankfully, after doing this repeated behavior again and again, jumping from one relationship to the next, I finally woke up and saw this illusion. This is why I’m not resorting to those temporary solutions anymore, nor on the hunt for a new relationship either. I’m actually quite content with my current relationship because we both are working on going within ourselves to resolve any of that aching and longing, instead of seeking it in each other or in something else altogether.
Nevertheless, the point I’m trying to make is this. I don’t believe there is anyone or anything of this world that can ever be the end-all in removing a pit of despair we feel within ourselves, not even someone we may consider to be “The One.” Believing otherwise is to believe in yet another illusion of this world. Rather, I truly feel that any aching and longing we ever feel within is ultimately for something far Greater and can only be found by spending time alone with ourselves, all while feeling those uncomfortable feelings, as it’s in each of those moments where I seem to always find my greatest peace in life…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
