Asking for help isn’t easy for me and it’s something I’m not that great at doing…at all really. But, in light of how my life has changed dramatically over the past decade due to my financial and health states, it’s something I’m finding myself having to do more and more, which has left me feeling extremely humbled.
Prior to the loss of my former business and before my health really went downhill, Andrew, and yes, I’m purposely speaking about myself in the third person, was the type of guy who had more ego than humility. Many would describe Andrew then as the type of person whose ego was so big it couldn’t fit through any doorway he walked into. I denied that repeatedly, never wanting to see how much the money I had then ruled my life. Yet, it did, but now I don’t have it anymore and that’s definitely been humbling me.
This came to light recently when I didn’t have the money to attend my 30th reunion for my fraternity, Phi Kappa Psi, at my alma mater, Rochester Institute of Technology. I humbled myself and let my brothers know via our Facebook group that I wouldn’t be able to attend as much as I wanted to, because I didn’t have the money. In the process of me humbling myself and expressing that truth to my brothers, God made it possible for me to attend when another brother paid for my attendance, which was also just as humbling.
To my ego, having another pay for me, especially because of where I once was with income, once felt like it was beneath me. That’s because of being raised in a family that always tried to show the world we had something they wanted. It was all fake though. But now that my health has waned incredibly over the past few years, I find myself having to ask for help financially and in other ways as well.
I’ve had to get a wheelchair at the airport at times when I’ve visited my sister Laura or my best friend Cedric. I’ve had to board early as well on those trips due to the pain levels I endure. I’ve had to ask my partner and friends for help with some outdoor chores. I’ve even had to ask those who have wanted me to go on trips to cover greater parts of it like the hotel rooms, as I can’t justify it anymore. All of this has been truly humbling because of how much I based much of self-esteem for most of my life on what others think of me. And by having to ask for help in these ways and others, my ego believes I’ll be judged far more and accepted far less.
Nevertheless, the latest humbling moment I’ve experienced was in me having to ask the Executive Director of my National fraternity for help to get to the upcoming fraternity convention I’m presently attached to attend. My original intention to go was to do a 12 Step recovery presentation during it on alcohol and drug addiction. While the alumni association in my area was willing to pay for the registration, I’m on my own to cover the rental car to get there, and my hotel stay during it, neither of which I can afford at this time. Asking the Executive Director, someone I really don’t know at all, for assistance with this was quite humbling for me. But even more humbling will be me cancelling my attendance if I don’t receive any financial assistance.
While I find all the humility I’ve had to face in recent years with me asking for help with things I never used to challenging, I believe it’s been a necessary step in the evolvement of me becoming the spiritual being I want to become in life. As whom I was before, one that wasn’t ever allowing himself to ask for help or be humbled in any way, shape, or form, the person I am becoming now, the Andrew I am becoming today, is one I most assuredly like a lot better…and I think others who once knew me as that old Andrew would tend to agree as well…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
