With this being the first Monday of the new year, I wanted to express gratitude about still having gratitude mainly because of the number of people who told me a few weeks ago that I really needed to start practicing gratitude when they had no idea how long I’ve been practicing gratitude and never stopped.
In 2007, the very first person who told me I needed to start practicing gratitude was my first sponsor in 12 Step recovery. Her name was Lorraine, and she was amazing. When I met her, I was extremely self-piteous in my life and not doing a single thing about. When she suggested I begin writing a daily list of what I’m grateful for and also told me it would change my life in doing so, I didn’t balk at her idea because I had been 12 years sober at that point and miserable. So, I began writing a list each night before going to bed of at least 5 things to be grateful for, which soon became ten after I saw how much she had been right. I had a lot to be grateful for then and still do. And I’ve never missed a single day ever since I began her assignment in 2007, which by my calculations from all these gratitude lists I’ve pulled together, I now have over 547,500 things to be grateful for since beginning this grateful journey 15 years ago.
In light of that, I just want to put it out there that I’m also grateful to know it’s ok to feel what I am feeling even when I am grateful. Because what I’m going through now isn’t because I’m not being grateful or because I’m living in self-pity or moping in those “woe is me’s”. It’s because my heart hurts incredibly due to grieving so many things at once.
I fight to live every day, to be something my parents never were and practicing gratitude is just one of those things I do to keep myself going. Most people don’t know all the details of the spiritual journey I’ve been on and probably never will. But many continue to make judgments of what they think I need to get over my sadness whenever I express it.
That’s why I’m grateful to say on this first Grateful Heart Monday of 2023, that it’s ok to be sad, it’s ok to be down, and it’s ok to be grieving. Because even though I practice gratitude every single day for over 15 years now, I’m also grateful to allow myself to fall apart, to wear my emotions on my sleeve, and be transparent with the world. Because I’m authentic today as I emulate that it’s not always about being grateful so much as it’s about just being ok being whatever you’re feeling. And I’m grateful for not only being a grateful person in life, but for also being true to whatever I’m feeling, even if does make everyone uncomfortable…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
