Category: Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to my last Grateful Heart Monday entry in a series that began years ago that has truly touched my life and countless others along the way, as I begin my final week of writing for TheTwelfthStep before I take a much-needed break from it.

I’ve worked hard on expressing gratitude in a life that has been extremely challenging over the past decade. What my mind and body has endured has been beyond words at times, yet somehow deep within me, I continue to find ways to thank God for what I still have. And one of those ways was through this Grateful Heart Monday series, where I wanted to show the rest of the world, and not just privately through my journals, that expressing gratitude is an important part of living life.

I’ve now written 260 articles on gratitude since I began this series, and could write countless others, I’m sure. While I will continue to go on expressing gratitude day in and day out in all the ways I have been doing for years now, it’s time to come to a close for this one at least and I will miss writing this series probably more so than all those other ways combined.

While it’s one thing to write down 10 statements of gratitude within my journals each day over the past 15 years, finding enough words from a single piece of gratitude to compose an entire article on it has most assuredly been a challenging venture, but a very rewarding one.

I cannot express how important remaining grateful has been for my spiritual journey and my spiritual growth. It may very well be the foundation of what has kept me going at times, when everything has felt so damn upside down in my life for far too many years now. It may also be the very reason why I still have the unshakeable faith I do in God, something that someone I love deeply had to remind me of and who brings a glow within me each time they do.

I find myself now looking for God in more and more things by continuing to practice gratitude in ways that include what this series has been. Because if you live a very ungrateful life, complaining about this and that, judging this and that, and pointing fingers at what you think is wrong in this world, you probably aren’t going to seek God or anything Greater than yourself.

This is why I love being grateful and that God led me to starting this Grateful Heart Monday series to share with the rest of the world something that has truly touched my heart and soul along the way. As I end my final entry to this series, I pray each of you will continue practicing remaining grateful in your own lives, as I know in doing so, you’ll find a much Higher Path, a much Higher Calling, and yourself living in much Higher Ways…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

With this being the first Monday of the new year, I wanted to express gratitude about still having gratitude mainly because of the number of people who told me a few weeks ago that I really needed to start practicing gratitude when they had no idea how long I’ve been practicing gratitude and never stopped.

In 2007, the very first person who told me I needed to start practicing gratitude was my first sponsor in 12 Step recovery. Her name was Lorraine, and she was amazing. When I met her, I was extremely self-piteous in my life and not doing a single thing about. When she suggested I begin writing a daily list of what I’m grateful for and also told me it would change my life in doing so, I didn’t balk at her idea because I had been 12 years sober at that point and miserable. So, I began writing a list each night before going to bed of at least 5 things to be grateful for, which soon became ten after I saw how much she had been right. I had a lot to be grateful for then and still do. And I’ve never missed a single day ever since I began her assignment in 2007, which by my calculations from all these gratitude lists I’ve pulled together, I now have over 547,500 things to be grateful for since beginning this grateful journey 15 years ago.

In light of that, I just want to put it out there that I’m also grateful to know it’s ok to feel what I am feeling even when I am grateful. Because what I’m going through now isn’t because I’m not being grateful or because I’m living in self-pity or moping in those “woe is me’s”. It’s because my heart hurts incredibly due to grieving so many things at once.

I fight to live every day, to be something my parents never were and practicing gratitude is just one of those things I do to keep myself going. Most people don’t know all the details of the spiritual journey I’ve been on and probably never will. But many continue to make judgments of what they think I need to get over my sadness whenever I express it.

That’s why I’m grateful to say on this first Grateful Heart Monday of 2023, that it’s ok to be sad, it’s ok to be down, and it’s ok to be grieving. Because even though I practice gratitude every single day for over 15 years now, I’m also grateful to allow myself to fall apart, to wear my emotions on my sleeve, and be transparent with the world. Because I’m authentic today as I emulate that it’s not always about being grateful so much as it’s about just being ok being whatever you’re feeling. And I’m grateful for not only being a grateful person in life, but for also being true to whatever I’m feeling, even if does make everyone uncomfortable…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Today’s Grateful Heart Monday entry on TheTwelfthStep is dedicated to a piece of gratitude I’m presently experiencing in life and that’s for still having enough hope and faith in God that the present story I’m living out isn’t where my life ends.

The last time I experienced the end of a long-term relationship, it was with my ex-partner Jerry. When it ended, I lost so much hope and faith in God that I opted to write my own story for a few years that was filled with nothing but countless sexual and love addicted experiences and a suicide attempt to end it all. It was a very dark time and one I don’t wish to repeat ever again. It came after seven years of being with Jerry, the first four of which I thought were the beginning of the rest of my life with someone I deeply loved.

I attach very strongly to someone I fall in love with, and tend to give my heart fully to that person, and believe that is the way it’s supposed to be a in every life-long relationship between two people who are in love with each other. And walking away from someone when your heart has become that intertwined with another is extremely painful. Every time it’s happened to me in my life, I’ve sought out very low vibrational patterns to cope. In other words, each time my heart has been broken, I’ve sought something to numb it and avoid feeling the pain of it all. But this time I’m not because I’m choosing something Higher, something Greater, to guide me through it. While I may not see any clearing on the horizon whatsoever presently, and indeed see more darkness than anything it seems at times, I have enough hope and faith in a brighter day that’s coming and that alone keeps me going.

Ironically, there have been plenty who have tempted me lately to resort to old addictive patterns. I don’t want massages or dates or sexual hook-ups nor do I want to talk about sex or anything of the sort. It only turns me off even worse to anyone who brings this subject material up, because that’s not what I need most in life right now. What I need most is to strengthen my hope and faith in God and for unconditional love to come my way to help my heart heal.

The fact is, I don’t want to live in any lower vibrational patterns anymore in life. I don’t want sex talk, or hook-ups, or to do anything that will only make me feel worse in the long run. Instead, I am choosing to live by my hope and faith that this pain will go away the more I feel it and deal with it, because eventually I know I’ll heal from it.

So, what is my next chapter in life? I don’t know. Honestly, I feel trapped on so many levels. But what I do know is that I love God enough to believe in a beautiful story that’s still being written, one that’s manifesting for me and within me. And knowing that and believing that provides me enough hope and faith to keep going, one day at a time, until the joy of it all is finally revealed.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude remains the sole expression in my writing at the start of every week, which for today is for my trip just over a week ago to Massachusetts to connect with my best friend Cedric where I also got to connect with a few other friends and 12 Step recovery connections as well.

This was my second trip back to Massachusetts this year, the place where I lived prior to living here in Toledo, Ohio. Normally, Cedric and I alternate visiting each other every six months, but with all the unrest going on at home, we both felt it best for me to come there instead. I was glad I did because I got to create several deep heartfelt memories in the process.

One of the most heartfelt ones included attending a gathering for a dear friend named Dave who passed away due to a motorcycle accident. There I reconnected with many of my former recovery buddies and was also given the opportunity to speak about him and what he meant to me. Having those moments to do so truly moved my heart and soul.

Another wonderful memory was spending the day with my recovery and MKP friend Sean who I’ve known for as long as Cedric and who always allows me to bare my heart and soul without judgment. On our day together, he took me to Newport, Rhode Island where I shared quite deeply with him as we walked along some of the cliff walk there, then taking a drive around the island to see some of the most amazing ocean cliff mansions after, grabbing dinner later in a nearby town at an amazing upscale seafood restaurant named The Black Pearl, continuing great conversation over a coffee next, and showing me his childhood home and neighborhood before dropping me off and heading home to his partner.

Just as heartfelt as my day with Sean was getting to see my dear friend Debbie. She was once my supervisor at Arbella Mutual Insurance eons ago and who I’ve now known as long as I’ve known Cedric as well. If there is one superb quality about Debbie, it’s that she’s an incredible listener and someone I’ve always felt safe around, enough to tell her anything, and something I’ve come to love her dearly for. The two of us had breakfast at a local joint named Joe’s Diner in Taunton, MA where she listed to my heart and saw my tears, both then and at coffee afterwards.

As for the rest of my trip, I am grateful for the new memories I built with Cedric that included watching the movie Devotion, visiting the ICA museum in Boston, traveling to Old Sturbridge Village in Sturbridge, MA, having several great meals and coffee times together, and for some laughter I was able to muster with him at times, given how low I’ve felt as of late. For my recovery friends Rob, Stevie, Kelly, Dave, and Kathy who came to have dinner with me and then went afterwards to a local Christmas lights festival on a very snowy evening. For all my other recovery friends there as well who embraced me over meals, coffees, and conversations, making me feel that living life still matters given that lately I haven’t felt much like that. And lastly for Dave who brought me to the airport on my day of return, who I had a nice conversation with on the way there, and for him treating me to a coffee and a breakfast sandwich before dropping me off.

I’m truly thankful for each of these things during this trip and for the love I received during a time in my life when I most need it.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude remains the sole expression of my writing at the start of every week. For today, I would like to express my gratitude for all the late nights I stay up now and the peace I often experience during many of them.

I stay up really late, and I do mean REALLY late. As I type these very words, it’s 3:30am and most likely I’ll be up for another hour. Most everyone I know is already long asleep by now, or possibly getting up for an early morning shift. But I’m one of those rare few who’ve discovered a peace in the darkest of night or should I say the wee hours of the morning, where the world seems to slow way down. It’s a time where I enjoy because cars aren’t driving by. Because there isn’t talking or construction outside. And because it’s when nature even become quiet.

It’s at this time of the night when I tend to listen to some extremely deep house music, specifically a form of ethereal minimalistic house with 120 beats per minute that has very little words or none at all. Listening to this angelic sounding music form helps me to slow my mind way down and focus even more on the spiritual side of me.

On the contrary, back in the day, it was during this time of the night when I was doing all of my addictive behaviors, staying up until I couldn’t keep my eyes open from all the drugs and alcohol pumping through my system, hanging out in casinos gambling all my money away, or hooking up with strangers I was trying to get high off of the sex with them.

Now, I am choosing to transmute all that old negative energy into something far better at a time of the night that I find myself still loving to stay up into. Ironically, it’s during these darkest hours that seem to provide me the greatest of light because this is when most of my creative writing expression occurs and it’s also when I find myself connecting the most to my heart and soul, and God of course.

So, for all those out there who have found the same peace I have during this exceptionally late time of the night, I’m glad we share it in common and am dedicating today’s Grateful Heart Monday to these few hours where I feel something I normally don’t during most of my days…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude gets expressed at the beginning of every week, which for today is for a good Samaritan at a local Starbucks who found something I left behind by accident recently that actually made its way back to me.

There are many times I’ve lost plenty of things that had meaning to me somewhere along the way of life. Jackets, wallets, crystals, precious stones, necklaces, and the like, countless things have found their way out of my life and into the lives of others who never return them. I often label each of those incidents when they occur as either the person who took them really needed it, or it was some lesson I needed to learn. Rarely though, has any expensive item I’ve lost made its way back to me, that is until I got a phone call the other day from a barista at this local Starbucks I frequent on most days.

When Will called and got my voicemail, he wondered if I had lost my headphones, as a customer had found a set of headphones intact in their case nearby where I had been sitting earlier that day, I didn’t think much of it and thought it must just be someone else’s who was sitting nearby because I always check my backpack for all my possessions before I leave any public place I bring it into it. Yet, when I checked the pocket within it where they normally sit, sure enough they weren’t there. I immediately called Will who grabbed case and opened it up for me. Sure enough they were my Sony noise-cancelling set, something that I only recently purchased because my other set had finally broke and trust me, this new pair wasn’t cheap.

When I went the next day to the Starbucks to retrieve them, one of the employees there said I was lucky as their store had  the tendency for things to be stolen. I was very thankful indeed, especially upon hearing that. While a set of headphones might not be a big deal to another, they were to me, only in that I don’t have much in the way of valuable possessions anymore.

So, I don’t know who this good Samaritan is and will never know. But I most assuredly have much gratitude for them, for my friend Will knowing to call me, and for all those out there who find things like this from time to time, where instead of thinking how lucky they are for getting something expensive for nothing, they listen to their heart and soul and do the right thing…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude remains the sole expression of my writing at the beginning of every week, which for today is for knowing I don’t have to go to battle anymore and argue some point where instead I just can walk away.

Recently, when I was standing in my kitchen with a real estate agent that’s been helping Chris to sell his home, I made a comment to her expressing some of deepest fears surrounding the sale and an impending move. Chris didn’t like what he heard in my words and would unleash a rath of fury upon me in front of her, not only embarrassing me, but putting her in an awful position in the process.

When this happened, my brain immediately unsheathed its incredibly sharp sword, and I could feel my blood boiling over within me. How many times I’ve arrived to that very battle with Chris over the past 10 years and slashed that sword in his direction, doing my best to inflict the greatest of damage, is countless.

What I did this time though was a first. I remained silent. And when he finished demoralizing me in front of a woman I barely knew, I thanked her for her time, and walked away, heading back into my bedroom where I crumpled into a massive slew of tears and prayed.

The fact is, I don’t have the fight within me anymore and I’m most certainly have waved the white flag to God by fully surrendering. Going to battle with another, especially, one you’ve loved dearly for so long that got lost somewhere along the way never goes anywhere.

There is never a clear winner whenever two people who care about each other choose to go to battle and draw their swords ready to strike upon the slightest of thing. I learned that far too late in this relationship, as whatever depth of love I thought going to battle could bring back, the reality is, it never did.

I’m grateful today that I finally walked away from a battle that never would have had a clear victor and opted to choose my tears and ultimately God for comfort instead…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude is the sole expression to start each of my week’s off in writing, which for today is for beginning something I’ve been avoiding for the better part of a decade now, that can only be credited to someone close to me that’s a rather new addition to my life who’s inspired me to overcome a fear I’ve placed in front of this massive task for a very long time, and that’s to start writing a book about all of my life’s experiences.

I’ve lost track of the number of times ever since I began doing motivational speaking in 2007 where people have told me I need to write a book all that I’ve been through. While I know I’ve been writing about my life in this blog, my truth is that the excerpts I place in here are simply that, they’re snippets. Even with the almost 10 years deep now I’ve been maintaining this blog and writing one unique expression of my life after another, I’ve never told ALL the stories of my life and shared ALL the pain I’ve endured.

Some of my stories are ones I just can’t seem to express. Some are just too painful. The life I’ve lived often feels far too painful to share to the whole as a while. But enter someone ironically enough named Andy, a guy who found a way to inspire me to become more than I’ve been by giving me the challenge to write one chapter to the next from my earliest memories on forward, and then sharing it line by line and chapter by chapter, reading it all to him.

At first, I balked at the assignment and made all the excuses I have before. I told him I’m not ready and said I’m still waiting on God for a sign to start. But I don’t like fear controlling me nor do I like when darkness of this world starts trying creep back in to a facet or crevice within my life, so I agreed one day recently to start the task, and presently I’m nine full chapters in.

It’s been a challenge that’s for sure, as many of the words I’ve written thus far I’ve never told a soul. Not one therapist, not one partner, and not anyone for that matter. I’m finally getting it all down, words that come from my heart of hearts, and ones that aren’t easy to tell.

So, on this Grateful Heart Monday, on this very day, I’m thankful for a guy named Andy who inspired me to be more to write something I’ve been avoiding for far too long, one that I know in the long run is exactly what I know God would have me do, one that one day will be shared with all of you too.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude remains the sole expression of my writing at the start of every week, which for today is for my heart continuing to become more and more open and how that seems to be helping other souls along the way.

Honestly, I must say, opening my heart in this life has been so…very…difficult. I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve allowed my heart to get trounced upon by one unhealthy person after another, all of which began with my parents long ago. While I believe the key to living a joyful life is through the heart, every time I’ve opened it up to someone, it’s inevitable that another dagger seems to get placed within it. Over the years, I simply began expecting this to happen when I met someone new mostly because rarely has anyone ever shown me unconditional love, save the exception of my friend Cedric who taught me in my 12 Step recovery a lot about living in the heart. Then add in the amount of abandonment issues I’ve endured with so many abrupt and tragic losses, I just learned to live a life where it was easier to have my heart more closed than open, something that left me in a flurry of addictions to cope with the numbness it created within.

Recently, that has begun to change dramatically though, as I have been sitting with the emptiness, waiting in the silence, spending great amounts of time alone, withdrawing from countless slippery-slope behaviors and friendships that weren’t healthy for me, and having far more conversations with my inner child and with God. All of this seems to be opening my heart greater and greater, which in the process, has been opening doorways to spiritual gifts within me I didn’t even know I had. Gifts that seem to be helping others get in touch with their heart and true feelings as well.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been contacted by several people who really needed a friend, a friend that wasn’t going to judge them, give them advice, preach, lecture, or control the situation they were going through. Old closed-heart Andrew would have done any of those things, or pretty much all of those things. But new open-hearted Andrew, the one who is becoming far more aware of the hearts of others now, I cried with each of these individuals, allowing myself to feel what they were feeling, even getting images of the very painful things they were facing. And for those brief moments of life, those hurting individuals didn’t feel so alone, as they felt a heart connect to theirs with unconditional love, something that can only come from having a heart more opened than closed.

So yes, I am truly grateful that I continue to work on opening my heart more and more every day now, as I find the experience is helping me see the world in a way I never did before. A way that is showing me how I can really help others who are suffering to know they aren’t alone, which in the process, continues to help me open more to God and to the life I’ve always wanted to have with Him.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where I look to express a slice of gratitude from my life to start each of my weeks off with, which for today is for what two clients told me at a local addiction residential treatment program I do monthly presentations at.

I have been thanked by many people over the years after I finish my addiction to recovery presentation. Most come in the form of hugs and warm greetings, many with tears in their eyes, as they usually say nothing more than “Thank you.” I’ve always given credit to God for it and the ability to speak and tell my story with such loquaciousness. It’s become obvious God gave me a gift to move so many people just in humbling myself and telling my life story. But in my most recent monthly speaking engagement at this residential treatment program, a gentleman approached me as I was getting ready to leave who in tears said that he was about to check himself out of the program that day from sheer frustration and a desire to go use drugs again, but something told him to stay that day and after hearing my story, he knew why and said he felt God through my words for the very first time. When I hear things like this, it’s a strong reminder that I am on the right path, doing the right thing, for God himself. After all, I consider myself only a vessel for a greater purpose in each of my addiction to recovery presentations. As for the other individual I mentioned, a gentleman there also asked to walk me to the door as I left, and as we did, in full eye contact, he said I was his angel today, and how blown away he was at the presence of God he felt in the room. I had no words to say but, “Thank you God!”

Doing this 12 Step recovery work I do is humbling on countless levels, but there are a number of moments, like recently at my own Phi Kappa Psi chapter where I also told my story or this local residential treatment program where I did the same, where the Spirit flowed through me with such intensity, that even though I was retelling it for the umpteenth time, it came out in such a way that moved many in the room to tears, where God seeds got planted that will sprout one day, a day where  unconditional love will most assuredly arise within each of these individuals, making me very grateful indeed.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude gets expressed at the start of every week, which for today is for a realization I didn’t want to face, but most certainly needed to, that being that my very own actions have led to my partner’s heart becoming more closed than open and us being more apart than together now.

I find it so ironic sometimes how the Universe often reveals things we need to see to spiritually grow in the oddest of ways. In this case, ever since a new connection came into my life who I’m helping to open their heart, I’ve been seeing more and more how I’ve done the exact opposite with my partner. To help someone open their heart, it doesn’t come through force, control, yelling, demanding, lecturing, or anything of the sort. While I have steered completely away from doing any of those things in this new connection, which have led to many beautiful God moments, I haven’t done the same with my partner for a very long time. Instead, I’ve been trying to force my partner’s heart open through countless actions that came off as controlling, yelling, and demanding. I’m not proud to admit this to the world because it’s quite humbling and ego shattering.

To be a good spiritual teacher and leader in this world, something I desperately hope to become one day for God, I know that great change will never come through any sort of force whatsoever. Opening the heart center especially takes a certain delicate operation, one that involves embracing, being patient, praising, uplifting, and letting the other know how proud you are of them. Doing those things for another most certainly will help their heart center open and offering such things is definitely a sign of a great teacher, something I know now I’ve failed miserably in with my other half.

I honestly don’t know if my relationship with my partner can heal from all the massive brokenness we have now. While some of that brokenness is indeed his responsibility as well, 12 Step recovery has most assuredly taught me to always own my side of the street. I see so clearly now how my very own words and actions have led to my partner’s heart being more closed than open. Helping this new individual in my life where I’ve done the exact opposite has certainly shown me that. Why I couldn’t see this and practice this long ago when my partner started pulling back when he first began struggling with various aspects of his life that had nothing to do with me, I don’t know. What I do know is that when he did begin to pull back all those years ago, instead of doing what I am doing now in my life to embrace another’s heart so delicately, I came at it with such force that it was nothing more than me being a scolding parent, which is truly no different than the controlling mother I once had.

I have great sadness over this new realization, yet immense gratitude as well, at least to know now how I hold a lot of responsibility in all this, in this brokenness my partner and I have. The only thing I know I can do know is practice restraint, to give space, and to not engage in any force anymore trying to get what my heart so desperately wants in life, which is simply just to feel loved, something I feel so very devoid of in life and have for a long time.

So, on this Grateful Heart Monday, I’m thankful in a very humbling way that the Universe has shown me a truth about myself and my relationship with my partner, a truth I pray and hope to never repeat again with him or anyone else…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another expression of gratitude on this Grateful Heart Monday! Today, I want to offer my gratefulness for returning to my former alma mater, Rochester Institute of Technology (R.I.T.), just over a week ago solely to do an alcohol, drug, and hazing presentation, something I felt was a great honor given the mass chaos and destruction I once caused there during my undergraduate days.

I find it so ironic that I was able to offer a presentation to my fraternity about the very thing that almost got me booted both from it and my college almost thirty years ago now. I truly was a holy terror during my undergraduate days. I harmed myself, others, and was extremely reckless on a daily basis, all due to alcohol and drug addiction. If you asked me then whether I’d be clean and sober and living a life of recovery one day, one that involved me giving a presentation surrounding it all to my very fraternity, I would have laughed and said, “Yeah, right!” How things have changed within me indeed since then!

Speaking to the majority of my active chapter was such an incredible honor and incredibly humbling. Talking about all the damage my addiction to alcohol and drugs once caused my fraternity and to my life in general was actually far harder than most of my other motivational speaking has been in recent years. On some level, I realized I was speaking to some who might actually be doing the very thing to their own lives I once did when I was taking classes and going for my degree. I think that’s why this felt more like doing a living amends, one that I continue to live out with my chapter making up for all my former wrongdoing with them.

I am grateful to say that my presence and presentation with my chapter ended up being a complete success. When I was done speaking, I noticed there were a number of people there moved to tears, something I often don’t see coming from men in general. The outpouring of thanks and connection I received afterwards was immense and far deeper than anything I ever experienced during my undergraduate days.

All the heartfelt text messages, phone calls, walk-up approaches, and even follow-up 1-on-1 meetings from some who needed further guidance with addiction issues in their lives felt more fulfilling than anything I’ve experienced in recent years in my 12 Step recovery work. One brother there even lovingly nominated me for the next chapter president, which I took as a great honor, and something I probably would have accepted if I was still attending school there these days.

Nevertheless, I wholeheartedly love doing the work I do in alcohol and drug education, especially telling my story to help inspire others who want to know about addiction and recovery and for those still trying to find healing themselves from addiction. It truly has become one of the biggest blessings in my life. And in all honestly, visiting R.I.T., solely for the sake of helping my fraternity in their risk management education may just very well be the best sobriety gift I received in 2022 thus far.

So, to all my brothers of New York Theta Phi Kappa Psi, I offer my sincere thanks and gratitude on this Grateful Heart Monday for making it possible for me to return to tell you my addiction to recovery story and be there for all of you like many brothers once were for me. It was humbling, healing, and rewarding on many levels, and something I hope to continue doing for all of you in the future. I love you all!

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to this week’s Grateful Heart Monday entry! For today, I’d like to express my gratitude for a new movie I just watched on Netflix that moved my heart quite a bit that’s titled, “I Used To Be Famous.”

Starring Ed Skrein as Vince and Leo Long as Stevie, the film begins with a down on his luck musician, Vince, trying to find his way back to stardom with a life that once had him lead singing for a boy band named Stereo Dream. While his former boy band co-singing lead Austin (Eoin Macken) somehow managed to keep his stardom alive, Vince has disappeared into a state where people only seem to make fun of him now as he shuffles from one public square to another with a keyboard and various equipment relegated to playing short melodies that no one really pays attention to. That is until one day a teenage boy (Stevie) sits down on a bench behind him, pulls out some drumsticks, and begins playing along with Vince’s melodies. As a crowd begins to show up and listen, some even taking their phones out to film, the combination of the two proves to be a huge success. Unfortunately, Vince quickly learns that while Stevie is obviously gifted, he’s also autistic, as Stevie experiences a complete meltdown with the loudness of the crowd around him. When Stevie’s mother swoops in to whisk him away, Vince is convinced that Stevie is his ticket back to stardom. What he doesn’t know though is how Stevie may very well become something he needs far more in life, that being a person who can help heal his broken soul. And just maybe along the way Vince may be an amazing teacher to Stevie as well to help him become the drummer prodigy he’s meant to become.

I’m truly grateful for formulaic movies like this. “I Used To Be Famous” is most certainly one of those tried and true formulas that pull at the heart strings quite easily as you watch it. It’s films like this that I need lately as I find my heart often shutting down in the emptiness I feel and the loneliness I continue to experience in life. I tend to think that if I didn’t consciously do things on a daily basis to keep my heart open such as watching movies like this, I’d probably resort back into a life of addictions to cope with this pit of despair I always seem to feel within me.

While “I Used To Be Famous” wasn’t necessarily ground-breaking material, it definitely was a film that absolutely demonstrated a very valuable principle in life that I believe is true. A principle that shows how finding fame and fortune isn’t what truly matters on this planet and that what really matters more is having a life focused on helping others, living selflessly, and placing other’s needs, wants, and desires ahead of oneself.

I needed a good reminder of this principle and am thankful for discovering this great gem of a film on Netflix, as my heart unquestionably felt far fuller and more open after watching it, something I most assuredly needed.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude gets expressed at the start of every week, which for today is for my partner Chris stepping in to handle a situation that fully spiraled out of control recently with a neighbor I had already experienced a verbal run-in with a few weeks ago that I felt completely helpless to deal with.

In recent weeks, life became exceptionally difficult with a next-door neighbor, someone I wrote about in a prior entry where the principle of “Love Thy Neighbor” had been going in one direction only. For those who didn’t read my prior article on this, up until this spring, I had maintained this neighbor’s yard for years, never asking for anything, simply because I wanted to lend a helping hand to the aging owner who had been really struggling with their health. When they eventually passed away, I was informed that my services were no longer needed by one of the siblings who had moved in. So, I spent this year maintaining a few feet on the other side of our fence given our fence was never built on our property line, as laws back when it was built didn’t allow for that, and I didn’t exactly know where the actual line was. Nothing was ever said about this until a few weeks ago when I trimmed some new grass the sibling had planted in the area in question that I had still been maintaining. That led to their huge explosion and Chris eventually stepping in to handle the situation.

For the first few weeks, he started to maintain the area in question rather than I, and backing off by only mowing a few inches on the other side of our fence. Unfortunately, the sibling was still convinced it violated what they felt was theirs and erected a makeshift chicken-wire fence, placing it directly next to ours. When we came home late one night to discover this, it began a 48-hour cycle of stress and anxiety for me I haven’t experienced since last being on medication for it over 11 years ago now. Thankfully, Chris immediately handled it the next day by calling the police, as he wanted to make sure things didn’t escalate out of control. I wasn’t home at the time, and I’m glad I wasn’t because I had a lot of emotion surrounding it all. Given the amount of blood, sweat, and tears I placed into taking this neighbor’s yard from weeds and violets to a lush blanket of green grass over five to six years of time seemingly meant nothing to them, and it frankly stung, bad. My partner totally kept his cool about it though, even as the police acknowledged how passive-aggressive the neighbor’s action was. They let the neighbor know that and told them as well that it needed to be moved back enough for us to maintain the area around our fence. They further said that it eventually needed to be removed altogether because it hadn’t been properly surveyed and wasn’t approved fencing material. The neighbor said they understood and that it was only temporary to set an example, which Chris remained calm and collective through. I’m grateful he handled it all with such ease, even later that night via text, when he sent a friendly text to the neighbor indicating he only needed a few more inches to successfully maintain our yard and was willing to help them move the fencing the next morning if needed. Unfortunately, the next morning they hadn’t responded or moved anything, so Chris, after receiving the blessing of the police who said he could move it if they hadn’t, did just that. He further promised me he would continue to handle this if anything more should arise, as he knew I didn’t have the desire anymore to be involved, especially given I’m not one of the property owners.

Why this is such a huge piece of gratitude in my life overall is because my partner for the longest time never stood up for things that were affecting more me than him. Chris was raised on a belief system that people should fight their own battles, but sometimes battles in relationships require one partner to stand up for the other, something Chris had never really faced much in life prior to me. This is why I’m grateful to see he’s working on this and wanted to acknowledge that today, especially in how he’s handling this very stressful situation, showing firm composure and support of me for all the pain this neighbor’s actions brought upon my heart.

While I hope one day this neighbor’s heart may soften and be able to feel more of the presence of God to see me in a completely different light than the one they have painted me in, I am filled with immense gratitude on this Grateful Heart Monday for my partner stepping in to fully handle this very nerve-wracking situation from now on. Thank you, Chris, for this. It means more to me than you know…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to this week’s Grateful Heart Monday entry, which is always an entry in gratitude from somewhere in my life. Today, I want to give thanks for a very relaxing day trip my friend Ronn Musser and I took one Friday afternoon just over a week ago now to the small town of Yellow Springs, Ohio, a town that really felt a lot like it was straight off the set of the movie Pleasantville!

If you’ve never had the chance to see the movie Pleasantville, I encourage you to give it a whirl. While this entry in gratitude isn’t necessarily about that movie, the warming and welcoming energy from all the townsfolk in Pleasantville is exactly what I felt during my entire afternoon stay in Yellow Springs. From the very moment we drove into the downtown vicinity where all the cute little shops and restaurants were, I noticed people everywhere were smiling and conversing amongst one another. It felt very inviting indeed.

Our day began at a 19^th Century restaurant named the Ye Olde Trail Tavern, which had a number of entrance ways I had to duck below, assumingely because people of my height didn’t probably exist with great regularity in the early 1800s. Built in 1827, the tavern and restaurant definitely held the air of stepping back in time, which could be felt immediately upon walking in. As we were cheerfully greeted and seated on the outdoor patio on a 68-degree sunny day, I noticed the menu was quite eclectic, from German fare to beer battered fish to a number of very interesting sandwiches and burgers. My personal favorite was the huge piping hot pretzel sticks and beer cheese we started our meal with. Everything else we ate was absolutely delectable as well and I want to give our waitress kudos too for giving us plenty of friendly tips for things to see and do during our visit, including where I could get some sweet treats, something I always do when visiting somewhere in small town America.

Most of the rest of our day after our lunch was done was spent going into all the neat little shoppes in town, where I can honestly say that every worker or owner greeted us with not just a smile, but also bountiful conversation. I very much appreciated the owner of the first store we entered, the Village Herb Shoppe, who gave me a free white sage bundle after I shared some of my spiritual journey with him. With each subsequent store, the warm feeling continued. At Basho apparel, the store owner was from Greece who made his own shirt designs, one of which I liked so much I bought. Another store owner took pride in how he’s doing his part to protect the environment with products that create sustainability. At Yellow Springs Toy Company, the employee had a great chat with my friend Ronn and talked about totally loving his unique job. At Tom’s Market, we walked up and down the aisles just taking in the variety of products that we never get to see in the big supermarkets near our homes where I also noticed all the employees seemed very happy. We ended up getting a few homemade desserts there that included a “key limb bomb” and a “cheesecake cone”. Wow is all I can say about how tasty they were! A few other key notables to mention from a few other stores we visited that brought a warm smile to my face included seeing a black cat sleeping so soundly in an empty bin at the comic book store that she didn’t even stir an ounce when petted, or the shopkeeper who busily swept off his sidewalk until not one spec of debris remained and his area was spotless, or the friendly metaphysical shop workers who guided me to find a few owl crystals for my partner, or the amazing photo work I saw in one store that when I asked who the incredible photographer was, the employee said it was him (Ryan L. Taylor) and thanked me profusely while talking about where many of his pictures were taken.

Overall, I must say that I thoroughly felt uplifted and renewed during my entire afternoon visit to Yellow Springs, Ohio. It’s no secret that I’ve struggled immensely trying to feel that way in Toledo, Ohio, where on most days, it feels the exact opposite. So, this was truly refreshing and uplifting to my heart and soul. Yellow Springs is beautiful town that I could totally see myself living in, especially when I saw a community board near the local market that posted many of the things to do around town, including countless free spiritual classes of things I’m totally interested in. I actually wished after seeing that board that I could have stayed much longer.

Nevertheless, Yellow Springs, Ohio is a lovely town with plenty of lovely people who take great pride and joy in not only their stores, but also in their town itself, a town I hope to visit again one day and a town most definitely worthy of being the subject of today’s Grateful Heart Monday entry!

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude remains the sole expression of my writing at the start of every week, which for today is for meeting Pastor Troy Budreau of the Faith Baptist Church in Ray, Michigan, a man who was randomly assigned the seat next to me on a plane ride home recently, in a row I hadn’t originally intended to be in.

Just over a week ago now, I returned from a five-day visit to the Washington, DC region after catching up and connecting with some dear friends (Love you Peter, Sammy, Sterling, Lee, and Darrell!). I was flying Delta and had picked my seat months prior at the time the flight got booked. I usually choose the same seats whenever I fly, generally near back of the plane because I have the unfortunate tendency of always needing to go the restroom more than once during every flight. That being said, at the time of my check in, 24 hours before flight time, I noticed my seat had been changed from 18C, the one that I had booked, to 12C, which was the aisle seat of an emergency exit row. I was surprised because typically those aren’t assigned till the day of the flight and only by the gate agents. Nevertheless, shortly after boarding the plane on a sunny Wednesday afternoon, a sharply dressed gentleman in a full business suit pointed to the only seat next to me indicating that he would be sitting by the window. While I had planned to watch an episode of The Orville during my flight that I had downloaded prior to getting to the airport, for some reason I decided to ask this man what the occasion was for his fancy attire. That was ironic in itself because in recent years with all my chronic pain issues, I tend to tune out any passengers sitting next to me because quite often most conversations with random passengers are usually superficial in nature and feel awkward to me. I was pleasantly surprised though that what transpired for the rest of the flight after I asked that question was an amazing conversation with a humble man who was able to lift my spirits quite incredibly.

I believe everyone has a story that’s worth listening to and Pastor Troy Budreau definitely has one of those. While it’s not my intention to share any of that for the subject of this article in gratitude today, it is my intention to say that Troy is a very kind soul, who I honestly believe was meant to sit next to me. I don’t think there are any accidents because not once during the flight did I want our conversation to end. I felt God was very present in our entire conversation, as Troy talked about the pain of his journey and the many learning lessons he’s had along the way, even sharing with me a story or two about the ups and downs of being a pastor. In turn, he intently listened to much of the pain of my own journey in life, never once judging me for any of it, never once bringing any admonishment upon me whatsoever, something that so many religious people often do to me whenever I converse with them. What Troy did instead was hold space, as I did for him, where two souls were able to embrace with Light for the approximate hour and a half flight.

As I’ve spoken about so many times before, the common response when an individual shares about the pain being endured in their life is usually to be offered some piece of advice, something I loathe and detest more than anything now. When it comes to many Christians I’ve come across and shared some of my painful journey with, that is frequently what I’m given, the result of which is me feeling more down than up. I am thankful that Troy didn’t do this at all. Troy instead carried the love of Christ in a way I haven’t experienced through much of my life, especially as of late. For those brief moments our paths crossed randomly above 10,000 feet, I truly felt as if Christ himself was embracing me gently through Troy’s kind and loving words.

So, on this Grateful Heart Monday, I dedicate my sole piece of gratitude to you Pastor Troy Budreau, for carrying the love of Christ in a way that left me feeling uplifted and renewed. I hope our paths may cross again one day, but until then, may God bless you, my friend.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Oh, and P.S. – Just before I left the plane, I learned Troy too had been placed in the seat next to me at the last minute, when he got to the gate! Now if that’s not God working, then I don’t know what is!

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where the focus is always on a piece of gratitude from my life, which for today is for a show I wrote about on my Facebook timeline a few times lately that has been really helping me to laugh lately…and A LOT at that…something I’ve needed badly in my life for some time. What’s the show? The Orville, starring Seth MacFarland, on Hulu streaming. A show I initially didn’t give a chance, but one I finally did, am so very grateful I did.

I was never really a Seth MacFarland fan given his type of sarcastic humor in the Family Guy show that he created, which is why when I saw his new Star Trek-type show coming out in 2017 titled The Orville, I was uninterested in watching it, even though I’m a fan of most Star Trek type shows and movies. But after one of my fraternity brothers (thank you Matt Christiansen) recently asked me to give it a whirl for at least a few episodes, I decided I would, mostly because Matt’s a great guy who has a type of humor that totally makes me laugh. I assumed that if Matt’s humor was anything like what The Orville’s humor was like, then maybe I would like it. And I totally have!

Once I passed the second episode of the first season, I never turned back and have been regularly binge-watching this series. The belly laughs I’ve had thus far while watching it, along with its numerous positive messages, have left me constantly feeling uplifted every time I’ve sat down to catch a new episode. If you’ve ever seen the movie, Galaxy Quest, starring Tim Allen and Sigourney Weaver, which is essentially a Star Trek spoof of a film, and one of my favorite comedies of all time, then you most likely would like this show as much as I have.

Laughing is hard for me. Living in chronic pain on most days honestly makes it hard to laugh, let alone even smile. But there hasn’t been a single episode yet of The Orville where I haven’t laughed incredibly hard or felt better by the end of it. I have to give it to Seth MacFarland for creating something that I feel is dramatically different than Family Guy, which essentially to me has always been a type of potty humor that doesn’t interest me.

Currently, I’m in the midst of Season 3 and can’t wait to see where the direction of this show continues to head. I’ve come to learn this show has a huge fan base and every time I bring it up with friends, I find so many others who seem to like it just as much as I do. I truly am hoping that this show gets renewed for a 4^th Season, but at least for now, I found an outlet that definitely induces laughter in me, something I desperately need as it’s a great pain releaser.

If you haven’t watched this show, I encourage you to give it a whirl yourself, as I highly recommend it and dedicate today’s Grateful Heart Monday to Seth MacFarland’s, The Orville.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to this week’s Grateful Heart Monday entry, which for today is for Katelyn Smith, who is the District Manager of Starbucks in my region and someone who went above and beyond to help me with a growing issue I’ve been having with my usual coffee order at a number of her stores.

It’s no secret that I’m addicted to Starbucks coffee. If you ever want to find me on any given afternoon, there’s a good chance I’m consuming a coffee during that time at one of the Starbucks locations in my region. Over the last few years, I have grown to love one single drink more than any other, and on most days many baristas know me well enough that they are already placing my order as soon as I walk up to the register. My drink is a Venti (large) Vanilla Sweet Cream Cold Brew, sub out the vanilla syrup for 5 pumps of mocha, no ice, vanilla sweet cream on the side, and two Trenta (extra-large) cups of ice on the side.

For many, me included, Starbucks coffee is too strong on its own, so I always dilute my large beverage into two extra-large cups of ice, adding my vanilla sweet cream to both. I generally consume one in the afternoon, and one later at night, as I do try to limit my caffeine intake. In recent months though, I began facing an issue with this drink where employees were trying to charge me for the amount of vanilla sweet cream I use. I tend to like my coffee more sweet than bitter and use the additional vanilla sweet cream in each of those extra-large cups of ice. For the longest time, none of the baristas anywhere had an issue with this. In recent months though, that changed. Some employees, including even a manager, began telling me that I need to start paying $1.25 for the extra vanilla sweet cream. One employee recently even went so far as to tell me I needed to pay $4 for the extra vanilla sweet cream because it constituted an entirely new beverage. I began to feel shamed by employees over this issue, and as it continued to happen, I became embarrassed just to order my drink, which is why I opted one day to contact Corporate Starbucks to see what they had to say.

I spoke with a senior supervisor there who told me that because my vanilla sweet cream was already part of the cost of the beverage I order, that having the additional amount wasn’t a problem and I should never be charged anything extra for it. They then contacted my local District Manager, Katelyn Smith, to follow up with me on the issue, who in turn reached out and set up an in-person meeting with me. I was nervous about this meeting, as I had been given so much flack lately about this silly issue. What I received though from her was a very warm welcome, a sincere understanding, and an immense amount of gratitude for just bringing the issue to her attention in the first place, something she said most normally don’t and she wished they would. She assured me she would correct the problem by talking to all her store managers and even told me to reach out to her if I encountered the problem again, as she would immediately address it. We actually spent an hour together discussing this and many other things about Starbucks in general, which I must say, Katelyn is a really great listener who has a huge amount of empathy. I could see why she is a District Manager, because of how much she made sure to address all my concerns with the level of compassion she had. At the end of our meeting before she had to leave, she even bought me my usual beverage, an action that simply blew me away.

I honestly wish all managers and supervisors in this world were like Katelyn Smith. Talking to her felt very down-to-earth and was truly a sincere pleasure. Because of it, I’ve dedicated today’s Grateful Heart Monday to her, not just because she addressed my Starbucks issue with grace, but also for reminding me why Starbucks is a company that always does go above and beyond to retain their customers, which is why I keep going back daily for my coffee. Thank you, Katelyn, for being an amazing District Manager and for helping me! I’m very grateful.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, which for today is for having a spiritual belief system that doesn’t conform to what the masses say and one that accepts everyone on their own uniquely tailored spiritual path.

Having grown up in a Christian family that didn’t practice good Christian values whatsoever behind the scenes, who put on more of a persona that they were good Christians when out and about, made me despise for the longest time the Christian faith. Thankfully, I no longer feel that way about Christianity, nor about any other religion either. And while I do believe and follow in the teachings of Christ, I no longer label myself as a Christian because I felt it was too conforming, leaving people out more than welcoming them in.

I’m definitely not a conformer. as I tend to go against the masses in my life more than not, so much so that it often gets me in trouble, sometimes even unfriended because of it. While I’m not against any specific religious path, including Christianity, I do believe there are an infinite number of paths to the same Source, or God if you will. I also believe that everyone’s spiritual path is specifically tailored in a way that’s unique to them, one that helps them communicate to Source in a way they’ll understand, even if they haven’t become aware of it yet.

Nevertheless, if I was to label myself spiritually, I’d say I carry both Christian values and Buddhist beliefs. Yet, I also relate much to Quakerism for their freeform style of worship and Wiccans mostly for their love of nature. But ultimately, I don’t think it matters what I or anyone else defines themselves as when it comes to their spiritual side. So long as one isn’t trying to play God themselves or purposely trying to hurt others in the name of whatever their Higher Power is, I do my best to accept everyone as they are on their spiritual walks, no matter what spiritual path looks like.

The fact is, I accept everyone at their core for whatever their spiritual beliefs are and am grateful I feel that way today. Ironically, I once was a guy who would only associate myself to fellow Christians and would scoff at anyone of other religions and faith systems different than mine, even going so far as to let them know I felt they were wrong and misguided. Sometimes I even said they wouldn’t ever enter the gates of Heaven because they weren’t accepting Christ as their Lord and Savior. I’m grateful to say I don’t say things like that anymore and believe now it’s my purpose to accept each person as they are, which comes from my love of Christ’s teachings. It’s precisely how I embrace people of all faiths now. I know plenty of people from many different walks of faith who are incredibly wonderful and beautiful souls who quite probably are more worthy and deserving of being in a place like Heaven than I would have been in many years of my life, especially during my active addiction days.

To have arrived at where I am with my spiritual belief system now, one where I still follow the Trinity but believe I’ve lived many lives before this one as well, and one where I also respect others on their own individual spiritual walks, is something that didn’t come easily. Honestly, it took me being judged by a vast number of ultra-religious people throughout my life due to my sexuality to arrive at my open acceptance now of others when it comes to spirituality. I’m also grateful that my 12 Step recovery work has helped me to meet so many from different spiritual backgrounds, as each who accepted me just as I am, contributed to developing the very open faith system I have now.

So on this Grateful Heart Monday, I am thankful for the spiritual belief system I have nowadays. One that doesn’t conform to what the masses say, and one that accepts everyone on their own uniquely tailored spiritual path, paths I believe forged by Source in ways meant for each of us to individually find our own way Home, even when it seems far different from my own…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where the week always begins with an expression of gratitude from my life. Today’s piece of gratefulness is for not being a barfly anymore, something that many of those long sober from a former drinking addiction will probably agree with, and something I was greatly reminded of when I briefly stopped into a local saloon just recently solely to use their bathroom.

A few Fridays ago I opted to pick up a pizza at one of my favorite joints here in the Toledo area, that being Mama Mary’s, for dinner for my partner and I. While I waited for it to be made, I asked if they had a bathroom as I had consumed a large coffee that seemed to have gone right through me. Unfortunately, the pizza shop did not have one for its customers, so I was directed a few doors down to a bar to use their facilities. I’m really not a big fan of walking into bars unless I have a specific reason for being there, which these days is generally never. The last time I stepped foot in a bar was for a fraternity alumni event back in April in Rochester, where I felt like a fish out of water.

Nevertheless, as soon as I walked in through the doors of this tavern, it didn’t take long to feel incredibly grateful for no longer hanging out in places like it. Grateful for not having to regularly smell that stale beer smell always implanted upon sticky floors. Grateful for not being that first guy I saw at the bar totally immersed in his phone trying to pass the time or his life by, as he most certainly didn’t look happy. Grateful for not being the second guy I saw who was desperately trying to be the center of attention in front of a bunch of people he was obviously attracted to by telling jokes that weren’t funny. Grateful for not being the third guy I saw who was noticeably buzzed or drunk, talking exceptionally loudly. Grateful for not buying a ton of scratch tickets or playing any keno hoping to win big. And grateful for not trying to play games of pool or darts under the influence where skills drastically disappear with each drink.

It’s funny how I saw my old self so easily in the brief moments I remained in this bar only to use the restroom there. The energy I felt in that place immediately upon entering was certainly not an uplifting one, but the energy I felt upon leaving and re-emerging outside was most certainly elevating.

So, I truly have an immense amount of appreciation on this Grateful Heart Monday for no longer being a barfly, for not being a guy who spends any of his weekends or free time in general anymore at bars or clubs or anything of the sort. While I never cultivated much gratitude hanging out in them during my drunken years or even in many of my sober years, I have been able to cultivate it hanging out at plenty of other healthier places, which yes, for those who know me, includes Starbucks! LOL!

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Time for another Grateful Heart Monday entry, where gratitude remains the sole focus of my writing at the start of each week, which for today is for the Maumee Bay State Park in Oregon, Ohio, a park that’s become a favorite over all the years I’ve lived in the Toledo community.

One of the best things about living in Ohio is that all their state parks are free, something many other places I lived didn’t have as an amenity. Currently Ohio touts 75 of them and Maumee Bay State Park is on that list. It was the first place in nature I visited when I began getting to know my partner Chris and was still living in Massachusetts.

I’ve always been drawn to nature and living in Massachusetts had no shortage of parks nearby with countless beaches, forests, mountains, lakes, and oceanside places to visit within an hour or less. I spent much of my free time there during all my years of residence driving around to so many of them, which made moving to Toledo a big adjustment. One of the hardest parts of that move was being away from the abundance of so many different ways to experience nature. Having spent countless hours at unique parks all across the New England area made it challenging for me to find similar escapes here. But, when my partner brought us to Maumee Bay State Park, it immediately became my favorite escape from city living.

Situated approximately 10 miles or so from downtown Toledo, you wouldn’t know how close the city actually was once you enter the grounds of Maumee Bay State Park, as it truly feels like it’s in the middle of nowhere. The park itself sits on the edge of Lake Erie and has a beach to sit on if you want. But I’ve been more drawn there to the grounds themselves, as there’s been no shortage of spotting wildlife on them whenever I’ve visited the park.

Deer, raccoons, rabbits, muskrats, over 300 species of birds, otters, beavers, and much more have been on the regular list of things to look for with each visit. Quite often my partner and I will drive over to the park at dusk, as many of them come out during that time of the day. I’ve snapped a number of great pictures there of a lot of its wildlife, especially its deer that never really seemed bothered by park guests.

One of the nicest parts of this park is the Boardwalk Trail that covers several miles through the marsh that borders the lake. At sunset, it’s nice to walk this planked trail situated only a few feet up above the marsh, as I normally never come across anyone else during that time. It’s a wonderful place to take a meditative walk for that very reason. On my last visit there, I silently observed a muskrat eating marsh grass and with it being so quiet that night, I could hear it’s every chew, which brought a smile to my face on a day that I had been really struggling to find any joy at all.

Sometimes I also visit the lodge that’s part of Maumee Bay State Park. While Chris and I have never stayed there, we’ve spent time in its lobby many times, especially during the winter, as they always have huge hearths rocking big crackling fires. They welcome visitors, even those not staying there, to sit down on the rocking chairs and take in the serenity of it all. A few times I’ve eaten in the restaurant there as well as the view of Lake Erie from your table is amazing.

Nevertheless, there is no shortage of places to visit at Maumee Bay State Park given it’s 1,336-acre size. I’ve walked most of its trails and continue to find serenity within the parks boundaries every time I have a visit there whether alone, with Chris, or with visitors from out-of-town who I usually tend to bring there. By far this park has become my favorite go-to-place in nature in the Toledo vicinity and has given me plenty to be grateful for whenever I’m there.

So, I’m very thankful for the peace and joy I’ve cultivated whenever I’ve visited Maumee Bay State Park and because of it, I’ve dedicated today’s Grateful Heart Monday entry to a park that has become a wonderful place to get away and feel just a little bit closer to God, something I tend to feel every time I’m there.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where expressing a slice of gratitude remains the sole focus of my writing at the start of each week, which for today is for all the people who know and do their best to practice the art of holding space, which I tend to believe is the best form of support for those who’ve been going through pain and suffering for a long time in life. And for all those as well who responded with love to a posting I placed on Facebook a few weeks ago that dealt with this very thing, which was written as follows:

“Sometimes what your friends really need the most ISN’T advice, or suggestions, or reminding you there are people out there far worse, or telling you to focus on the gratitude in your life. Sometimes what you friends really need the most IS to know they aren’t alone in a world that often feels alone to them, which isn’t being codependent or needy, it’s simply being unconditionally loving, something this world is lacking in greatly right now in my humble opinion…” 

I’ve come to witness over the many years I’ve been going through a life that isn’t a pleasurable one whatsoever that most don’t know how to be there for someone like me, someone truly struggling with life circumstances out of their control no matter how much effort is placed into trying to change them. Most people think that offering advice, suggestions, reminding you of others suffering far worse, or telling you to focus more on gratitude is going to help and maybe even cheer the suffering person up somehow. The only person who’s typically cheered up by saying such things though is the one offering it, because the person receiving it tends to have already had plenty of that thrown their way for a very long time, most of which never having helped change any of their circumstances.

This is why I’m very thankful for the few who practice the art of holding space. The basic definition of this technique is to be present with someone, without judgment. It means you donate your ears and heart without wanting anything in return. It involves practicing empathy and compassion. You accept someone’s truths, no matter what they may be, and put your needs and opinions aside, allowing someone to just be. And most don’t know how to do this. Rather, they lean towards trying to fix or solve the crisis in front of them that is their friend.

I am so thankful to have a few people in my life who don’t try to fix me because I’m not broken, I’m hurting. And when I hurt to the level I do on most days, the last thing I need from someone who says they are my friend is their advice, judgments, reminders of others suffering worse, or told to be more grateful. Even worse is when someone just tells me to suck it up and get over it. None of this is ever helpful because none of it ever helps me to feel truly loved and supported.

People tend to think that they can somehow alter a person’s suffering by offering some form of advice, except it’s really nothing more than a judgment. Yet there are those who have discovered this art of holding space and the benefit it brings to those deep in despair. Many of them have become excellent nurses, counselors, and helpers in things like hospice care. My therapist in Toledo is an excellent holder of space for me and has made room for me to fall apart in her office without advice or judgment countless times. I’m sure some of you reading this carry this gift as well and it’s a priceless gift when offered to people like me, who are suffering immensely.

And as I said in my Facebook musing, holding space for someone isn’t being needy or codependent, it’s simply being unconditionally loving, and sometimes that’s as simple as just listening to a person and letting them know you care by NOT responding with some piece of advice or judgement when they’re done and instead offering a hug and saying, “I love you and do care.”

So, for those who appreciated my little Facebook blurb on this subject, and those who do their best to hold space for others who have been long in pain and suffering, I am truly grateful for each of you and dedicate today’s Grateful Heart Monday to all of you. Because when I’m in the lowest of lows, which seems to be quite a bit these days, it’s each of you that has helped me to keep going for one more day, something that advice-givers, tough-love offerers, and those who think I should just suck it up, accomplish the exact opposite, leading me only into greater despair and away from having any heart connection with them.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another entry for my Grateful Heart Monday series on my blog, TheTwelfthStep, where gratitude remains the sole focus of my writing at the start of every week, which for today is for all those who carry the trait of believing everyone is filled with good and focus first on the positive traits they see in others, rather than the negative.

It’s so easy to focus on the negative traits we see in others, and when that is done repeatedly, it becomes harder and harder to ever see any positive or any good in an individual. I inherently believe that everyone is filled with positive and good traits and that somewhere along the line the downsides of life begin to cause us to fall away from emanating that. But, even when this happens, I tend to feel that there is always positive and good in even the angriest and most resentful of souls and I most certainly work hard to find that, praising people for even the smallest of positive qualities, rather than choosing to point out any glaring negative traits.

There are many out there who continue to point out my negative traits, refusing to see that there is any good in me. While I do have number of negative traits I’m still working on healing, there is plenty of good in me today, far more than when I was an active addict. But there are those who believe I’ll never be a good person and will always be that addict they once knew and continue to point out every time I make a mistake, rather than focus on any of my positive actions and good qualities within me. While I inherently know those who do this are blinded by their own negative energies they haven’t released within and choose to see those negative traits within me instead, I’m thankful for those who do the exact opposite and remind me of the good they see in me, especially on those days when I’m really down.

I am thankful as well for those who do this regularly with others, who go through their days complimenting people, praising individuals, lifting them up, even those who might be considered by the masses to be people to avoid due to their negative energy. One thing I’ve always loved about Christ’s story was how he helped those that no one else wanted to and that no one else believed was worth saving. If it wasn’t for a few individuals in this world who always saw the good in me and focused on my positive traits, I probably would still be deep into addict behavior. It’s why I now return the favor, always on the lookout for the positive and good in even the most difficult of people I come across, even those who often yell first and express judgment and anger more than not. Because even they have plenty of positive and good in them, it’s just buried, yet my quest is to find it and shed more light onto it, just like others have done with me over the years.

Always looking for the positive and good in each other, I believe this is a strong spiritual trait to have, and one I feel represents a true Christ love and the message Christ did his best to portray throughout his life. It’s a trait I seek to exude myself every day, and while I often find myself coming up short in that task, as I’m sure many of us do, I’m thankful and dedicate today’s Grateful Heart Monday for all of us who keep trying, who keep doing our best to focus on the good in others and not the bad, and on the positive rather than the negative. We all have positive and good in us, we just need to take a moment to find it, as it’s always there…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday entry where gratitude remains the sole focus of my writing at the start of every week, which for today is for Bobby Anspach, a friend to many, including me, who passed away far too soon in this world just a few weeks ago, at the young age of 34.

When I learned about Bobby’s tragic passing from his brother Michael, I was devastated, not just for the entire Anspach family, a family I have grown to care greatly for and close to in recent years, but also for the world losing yet another amazing individual far before they really ever got the chance to show the world just how amazing they were.

In the brief time I came to know Bobby, what I learned first and foremost was that he had a heart of gold who truly cared about everyone he spent time with. When you spoke to Bobby, it was as if he was reading your soul with his crystal blue eyes, and I always felt a warm presence and glow emanating through them, one that consistently felt extremely welcoming.

Bobby was also the type of guy who frequently wanted to help others and be of service to those who asked for his help. I think it was just in his nature to be of support to those in need, as was overly evident in his life, even with me when I asked him once for assistance with a speaking engagement, which came one Thanksgiving a few years ago. Then, Bobby had come home to spend time with his family, and I asked if he would take some time out of it to come speak at my weekly 12 Step volunteer commitment. There was no hesitation whatsoever and he gladly was of service, something many others besides me saw of him throughout his life. And I must say that whenever Bobby spoke, even that day at that weekly commitment, it was always done with plenty of passion and compassion, enough so to captivate anyone in attendance.

I think what I also loved about Bobby was his sense of humor and his ability to enjoy life in the moment. The last time I saw Bobby was at his brother Michael’s wedding. There he spent much of it careening around the dance floor, truly living it up, as if there wasn’t a care in the world. Bobby always did his best to live life like that, to the fullest really, and that energy he carried was so infectious, that it often drove many others, including me, to try to do the same.

Bobby Anspach was just that type of guy you would have liked from the onset of meeting him, who constantly seemed to smile from ear to ear and was never afraid to give you the warmest of hugs. His love and affection for people in general was very strong, so much so that he often pulled someone out of the lowest of places and moods, easily turning a frown to a smile, and sorrow into laughter. This was more than evident at his Celebration of Life that came a few weeks after his passing.

There, it was obvious how many he had touched throughout his brief time on this planet, as the event drew well over a hundred people, all who had much to say in support of him. Listening to the personal testimonies there of those he grew closest to in his life and learning about the many other talents he had that I had never really got to see, including his gift with art, I found myself wishing I had gotten to know him far more than I did.

Regardless, I am so thankful on this Grateful Heart Monday, for even the brief moments my path walked side by side with Bobby, as during each of them, I got to know another beautiful child of God who shined incredibly brightly during his limited time here. I will miss you Bobby Anspach, and I hope my path may cross yours again one day, may you be at peace with God now, I will always love you my dear friend.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another chapter of Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude remains the sole expression in my writing for the day, which for today is for having compassion for even the smallest of God’s creatures, even a tiny baby robin that fell from its nest the other day.

About a week ago, I was outside doing my typical morning chores when I noticed on the street across from me were three tiny objects that looked rather strange. I opted to stop what I was doing to go take a closer look and it’s then I discovered that a robin’s nest overhead in the tree there had shifted during the previous night’s windstorm causing all three babies to fall from it to the ground. Sadly, two of them had already died, but one was still flailing around and way too young to take care of itself. My heart wrenched as I looked down at the creature, mother nowhere in sight. Years ago, in my addiction days, I would have said “oh well” to something like this, just chalked it up as another one of those misfortunes of life and gone back to whatever I was doing prior. It’s sad to say but there was a time when I didn’t care about things like this and even did things like throw eggs from bird’s nests out of anger and rage in my life. Thankfully, I don’t carry that energy anymore. Now, I carry far more compassionate energy, especially with God’s creatures.

In light of that, watching that tiny bird flail around, so helpless in its first few weeks of life, my heart stirred greatly, so much so that I went and got my ladder, put on some gloves, and scooped that bird up. I then climbed all the way up to the very top rung where I realized I was glad I didn’t have any fear of heights, as looking down from that top step would probably have made one who does, feel some sense of vertigo. Anyway, I was just high enough to reach the nest and gently moved it back into a safe resting spot, making sure the hole the baby robins fell through was now protected. I placed the sole remaining survivor back into it and lastly said a blessing as I took the two babies that had passed on already and placed them in branches within the tree high up off the ground. After I was done with the task and the ladder put away, I wondered if that one survivor would make it. I wondered as well if it’s mother would be thankful or abandon it. Either way, I was filled with gratitude, gratitude for what 12 Step recovery has given me, which was a deeper connection to God and to my heart to care about things like this, something I never had before I ever did 12 Step recovery and lived in addictions instead.

Having an open heart today that feels compassion for things like tiny baby robins and other of God’s creatures means the world to me, because deep in addiction, the heart is often sealed shut, and life filled with nothing but anger and resentment. So, on this Grateful Heart Monday, I’m thankful to have compassion today for things like baby robins that fall from their nest, as I think that’s also symbolic of how God is with all of us, when we too fall from our nests in life like I once did with my former life of non-stop addiction…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude remains the sole expression at the start of every week on TheTwelfthStep, which for today is for my sister Laura’s recent summer birthday trip to Toledo!

A few months ago, just prior to me turning 50, Laura asked me what I wanted as a gift for the big milestone that was coming up. My answer was the only one I truly wanted, which was for her to come visit me. Seeing any of my remaining family at any point is an absolute blessing in my life, and her recent trip to Toledo was no exception.

From the moment I picked her up, our weekend was filled with many things to be grateful for. Our first day together we went to downtown Detroit and saw the Van Gogh Immersion exhibit, something we both have wanted to see for some time, and it was such an amazing experience, especially for the visual and hearing senses. Dinner that night was at Mark Wahlberg’s restaurant, Wahlburgers, in Greektown, and dessert afterwards from Astoria Bakery, quite possibly one of the best bakeries I’ve ever been to.

Our second day began with breakfast at The Speedtrap Diner in Woodville, Ohio. This diner is one of my favorite out-of-the-way unique joints to go to locally for a meal where the walls and ceiling have so much to look at and where it honestly feels like I’ve travelled back in time to the 1950’s. Not too far from there is The Schedel Gardens, a beautiful botanical garden and arboretum situated alongside the bank of a small river in Elmore, Ohio. There, we spent the afternoon and it might just have been the most peaceful and unique gardens I’ve ever visited, where there are multiple places to relax, each with a different theme that makes it ultimately feel like you’ve travelled to several different parks in the world. Dinner that night was a homecooked meal that included a sausage and cheddar lasagna, tossed salad, and garlic bread, all prepared from scratch by my partner Chris. The evening ended with watching a moving romantic film titled “Finding You”, a movie I first discovered on Prime and later bought for re-watching at home because I liked it so much.

Our final day included a trip to one of my top ten restaurants, The Melting Pot, which is an amazing experience if you like fondue. There, we had three courses of it beginning with a cheddar-based one, then a meat, fish, and vegetables one in a Coq Au Vin broth, and finally one with a cookies and cream milk and dark chocolate concoction that had an incredible assortment of things to dip into including cream puffs, salted caramel cheesecake, brownies, macaroons, and much more. It was most definitely a huge caloric experience that’s for sure, which is probably good that we went and played a totally fun game of putt-putt in Garden City, Michigan at Garden City Mini Golf.

While all of the experiences I shared with my sister were things to be grateful for, what I have the greatest gratitude for from her trip here was simply all the time we shared together talking, reconnecting, and bonding further together, given all the years we once were more apart as brother and sister. I will most certainly treasure the memories from her visit for some time to come, and it’s most definitely something to dedicate today’s Grateful Heart Monday to!

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude always gets expressed to kick the week off, which for today is for something I’ve already written about ever so slightly in my last few articles but wanted to take the time to express more deeply, and that’s the recent summer trip I took to see my closest friend, Cedric.

It’s amazing to think that Cedric and I started our journey in this life together when I was only 25 years old, and he was 34. The amazing memories we now have over two and a half decades are endless and if there’s one thing we always seem to enjoy doing together it’s taking trips somewhere. This summer it was to York, Maine, where we spent four days enjoying a section of the country neither of us had ever spent any time there.

In addition to the enjoyment of swimming in the chilly waters there and hanging out on the oceanfront top-floor balcony listening to music, especially at dark, the highlights I’m most grateful for are for the entire day we got to play six games of mini-golf (Schooner Mini Golf, Raptor Falls Mini Golf, Wells Beach Mini Golf, and Wonder Mountain Mini Golf), the drives we took along the scenic Route 1 from Saco, Maine down to Portsmouth, NH, the restaurants we dined at (Three Sisters in Biddeford, Maine, Luigi’s West End Pizzeria in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, So Zap in Ogunquit, Maine, and The Kitchen in Portsmouth, New Hampshire), the daily Starbucks hangouts that were filled with lots of laughter, especially the one in downtown Portsmouth where a total stranger named Tim told us his entire life story in an hour, watching the entire new season of The Umbrella Academy on Netflix together late at night, having the best cookies ever from Crumbl Cookies in Newington, Rhode Island, visiting Nubble Lighthouse in York, Maine, which I think might just be the prettiest lighthouse I’ve ever seen, and taking a long walk into downtown York after the sun set for the evening.

Beyond our four-day visit to Maine, I wanted to also mention a few other things I was grateful for on this weeklong vacation. The first is for reconnecting with my dear friend Sean Slater who picked me up from the Providence airport and took me to dinner in North Kingstown to Wickford on the Water where we had the best fish tacos next to an inlet and then enjoyed some Starbucks afterwards in downtown Providence. The second is for reconnecting with my dear friend Debbie Coon who met us in Quincy, Massachusetts for an early dinner at Port 305 where we sat by the water and enjoyed coffee afterwards in Braintree at another Starbucks (Yes, I know, I have an addiction to Starbucks! LOL!). And lastly, for visiting Nobska Lighthouse on my final day of the trip where they were giving away free homemade ice cream (Yum!), for pizza afterwards at Marc Anthony’s in Onset with my recovery friend Nick L., and for him coordinating for me to do a 12 Step recovery lead at his home group, Buzzards Bay Monday night, to end the evening.

So yes, I have much to be grateful for on this Grateful Heart Monday’s recap of my recent trip back east and want to end by thanking Cedric for making it all possible and leaving me with plenty of lasting memories from another vacation in our decades long friendship.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude remains the sole focus on my writing for the start of each week, which for today is for one simple fact of my life, that I haven’t given up on God or myself.

For those of you who have continued to follow my spiritual journey and musings of life via this blog, it’s definitely not a secret that I’ve struggled immensely with the health issues I’ve faced for years now. How many times at this point have I written about the pain and sorrow I’ve endured is probably countless? But also countless is the number of times I’ve written about me not being a quitter and continuing to fight on.

While I do have regular urges to give up and check out early, I haven’t. Honestly, it’s easy to think about doing so when both of my parents did by their own hands. In my worst of days and in my worst of pain- filled moments of life, I often find myself in my ego feeling that death would be better than life and that at least in death I might see my parents again. But deep down in my heart and soul, that’s truly not what I desire, as my deepest desire is to fulfill whatever God’s purpose is for me.

I tend to believe each of us on this planet have a purpose that’s not just to exist and find pleasure in life. I have come to a level of understanding on my own spiritual journey that we all have a Higher Calling. But far too often we never achieve it because we get lost in finding temporary happiness on this planet. In my case, all those things I found temporary happiness in were never enough to keep me going. What has kept me going though has been in continuing to believe that I have some Higher Calling, some greater purpose.

So, on those days when my pain is great, when my emotions run low, and my mental state gets frayed, I tell myself there is a great purpose to all of it and I fight on. I fight on to live rather than to die and remind myself I’m not a quitter like my parents were. And I do my best to not listen to my ego’s urgings that tell me I was just dealt a bad hand in life and that it’s never going to get better. Because somewhere within me, there still is a voice fighting on and telling me it will get better.

This is why on this Grateful Heart Monday, I am sharing my gratitude for still having a fighting spirit that not only continues to help me believe in myself, but also believe in God, and in having a greater purpose beyond all this. These may not be spiritual values I was shown, but they are ones I have learned over the years in all my pain and suffering, of which I’m sincerely thankful to have, especially on those days when my mind does it’s best to convince me to give up, yet my Spirit says to fight on, and so I do…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where expressing a slice of gratitude remains the sole focus of my writing at the start of each week, which for today is for something many probably wouldn’t ever discuss openly or be something to ever express gratitude for in a public blog. But in light of all the massive losses of life happening lately by the hands of another, I want to express my gratefulness today for having kept to the 6^th Commandment of the 10 Commandments my entire life, that being I’ve never killed anyone, including myself.

“Thou shalt not kill.” I’ve never thought much about the 6th Commandment for two reasons. One, I’m not a religious type of guy who has ever placed much thought on living out the 10 Commandments. And two, I’ve never been a violent person, as I’ve always been more of a pacifist. But recently, I found myself thinking about this specific commandment due to all the rising gun violence and mass shootings in our country, the Russian/Ukraine War and 26 other active wars/conflicts in the world, and a constantly rising suicide rate on our planet with one happening every 40 seconds now. Add in the fact that both of my parents died by their own hands and the many wrongful deaths I’ve come to learn in my 12 Step recovery from those who were under the influence of alcohol and drugs, and I suddenly am finding myself thankful I’ve never took the life of another, including my own.

I truly am grateful that I’ve never killed another in all my years, especially during those when I was addicted to alcohol and drugs, because I most certainly drove under the influence and was out of my mind far too many times. I also am truly grateful that I haven’t successfully taken my own life, as I most assuredly have attempted it in my past. I’ve even thought about it in recent years due to all the chronic health issues that constantly plague me. But my deepest truth is that I want to live, and I want to protect all the lives of others too, which is why I know I absolutely would be a Conscientious Objector if I was ever put in a war time situation. In light of that, I’ve often had people ask me if I would take a life if someone was coming at me or a loved one with a weapon in hand. My answer was still no because I just couldn’t live with myself and the guilt of it all.

So, on this Grateful Heart Monday, I wanted to express my gratitude for knowing with 100% assurance that I’ve never taken a life (including any animals!) and kept to the 6^th commandment my entire existence thus far. While I’ve broken several of the other commandments in my life, especially during my active addiction years, I felt the need today to express my thankfulness for having kept to at least this one. I truly do value all lives and am doing my best to value my own as well, because ultimately, I believe all lives matter…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude is the only thing that gets expressed, which for today is for the recent birthday trip my partner Chris and I took to the Smokey Mountains for our 60^th and 50^th birthdays.

I’ve never been to or through the Smokey Mountains, unless of course you include flying over them a few times towards other destinations. But, after numerous times where friends came back from the Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge area raving about their vacations there, we opted to do a trip there for his big 6-0 and my big 5-0. So, I wanted to honor that trip on this Grateful Heart Monday, for even as much as I was in heightened pain during much of it, like I have been on most vacations in recent years, there was much to still be thankful for.

At the top of that list was having my eyesight to see all the wonders of the Smokey Mountains. I’ve visited a few other mountain ranges around our country, but the Smokies are unusual in themselves and quite breathtaking, especially when the clouds get stuck in the valleys below them, giving them their very name. Chris and I drove extensively through the Smokies while visiting the area and witnessed some incredible views, including many natural waterfalls and springs, and especially from the tallest peak, Clingmans Dome, which sits 6,643 feet above sea level! The day we visited there it was around 70 degrees when we left on the 1/2-mile paved walk from the parking lot to the top, and in the mid 40’s by the time we reached it. I was very grateful that Chris and I made it there with all the pain we were experiencing in our bodies, as sitting on a cement bench in the clouds was definitely a spectacle to behold. Just as breathtaking, but in another way, was Cades Cove Loop, an 11-mile one lane road that goes through some of the most amazing scenery and wildlife in a valley far below the Smokies. There, we saw plenty of turkey and deer, two black bears, and several two-hundred-year-old homes and churches.

Gratitude on this trip also greatly includes the place we stayed at for the five nights we were away, as it afforded us a beautiful view of Dollywood and Pigeon Forge and the mountains beyond. It was a log cabin home situated high atop a mountainside in a town named Sevierville and was adorned with an outdoor hot tub, rocking chairs on two different balconies, a billiards table, an indoor jacuzzi tub, and plenty of space to spread out and relax. Personally, I was most grateful for the nighttime views I had of Pigeon Forge’s tourist strip as I soaked in the hot tub, especially when several storms rolled in over the mountains.

And speaking of Pigeon’s Forge’s tourist strip, we opted to dabble a little in both its activities and some in Gatlinburg. While there are some rather extreme tourist things to do in this area, we opted for the less extreme side of things, which included playing three different mini-golf courses (Toy Box, Ripley’s Davy Crocket’s, and Hillbilly Golf), rode several mountain coasters (Smokey Mountain Alpine Coaster and Rocky Top Coaster), which if you haven’t ever done one, it’s essentially a self-controlled roller coaster down the side of a mountain, trips to three different Starbucks (yes, I know, my one addiction got satisfied!), and ate in town twice (The Park Grill on Chris’s birthday and Sunliner Diner on mine).

Something that others might not find gratitude in, but I did, was how friendly people in the Smokey Mountain area seemed to me. Compared to what I’ve become accustomed to in the Midwest, which at least for me hasn’t felt all too friendly mainly because people say I’m too transparent and personal for them, I was quite thankful to have struck up so many random conversations with total strangers who shared much of their own personal life stories with me!

And last, but definitely not least, I want to end this Grateful Heart Monday with gratitude for my partner for doing his best to make my 50^th’ birthday special and unique, for finding the log cabin we called home for five days, for orchestrating the majority of this trip, and for doing his best to help me through my bouts of pain and suffering, including patiently drive on roads that at times, frankly terrified me, especially high up in those Smokey Mountains!

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

It’s time for another Grateful Heart Monday, where the subject of today’s writing is always on a piece of gratitude from my life, which for today I wanted to follow up my writing from two days ago, the day where I turned the big 5-0, where I talked about the question I kept asking myself of, “Why I am here?”. I thought it’d appropriate to focus today on something connected to turning the big 5-0, and that’s all the major things I’m grateful for from the first five decades of my life. So here goes…and in no particular order of importance…

I’m grateful for all the lessons my parents taught me growing up that helped me to both learn what to do in life and not to do.

I’m grateful for getting my diploma from Arlington High School in Lagrange, NY, with an average of 94%, and a Bachelor of Science in Information Systems from Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT) in Rochester, NY, with a GPA of 3.76.

I’m grateful to have become both a brother and founding father of Phi Kappa Psi New York Theta at RIT as well.

I’m grateful to have spent ten years in the computer industry doing everything from computer programming and software testing to quality assurance and quality control, all of which helped me to finally realize it wasn’t what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

I’m grateful to have owned an 8-guest room bed and breakfast for seven years (1848 Island Manor House) on a remote island in Chincoteague, Virginia where I learned much about owning my own business and realized it too wasn’t what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

I’m grateful to have found sobriety and recovery from so many addictions, including alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, sex, love, codependency, and spending money.

I’m grateful to have found healing from the PTSD I endured from family alcoholism and mental health issues, from being bullied, from being molested, and from both my mother and father’s tragic and sudden deaths at their own hands.

I’m grateful to have greatly excelled in a good number of physical activities throughout my life prior to the chronic pain starting up in my life, including swimming, basketball, bowling, tennis, hiking, and biking.

I’m grateful to have travelled as much as I have both outside this country and within it, to Europe, Mexico, the Caribbean, Canada, and much of the contiguous United States.

I’m grateful to have loved and been loved by a number of partners and friends over many years to learn what loving another and being loved by another actually feels like.

I’m grateful to have lived as close as I have to major cities including New York City, Washington D.C., and Boston, where I got to explore city life as deeply as I did.

I’m grateful for the 15 hard years of volunteer work I’ve put into the addiction recovery field and all the people I’ve sponsored in the 12 Step program along the way.

I’m grateful to have had quite a few amazing spiritual experiences in my life that I can’t rationalize or explain that have led me to know there is something “out there”, “up there”, “around me”, and “within me”, that helps me to keep going in all the suffering I continue to go through with my health.

I’m grateful to the many who have prayed with me, over me, and for me throughout my life, especially in recent years with all the struggles I’ve faced.

I’m grateful to still have some family alive, including my sister and my three nephews, who love me dearly and who I love dearly as well.

I’m grateful to have survived many things that should have taken my life but never did, things that still baffle me to this day how I made it through them when so many in this world haven’t.

I’m grateful to still have all my senses present and my limbs still functioning enough to walk and drive.

I’m grateful for never having gone without food, water, or shelter at any point in my life.

I’m grateful to have been given the gift to write and speak motivationally, two things I never even knew I had until this past decade.

I’m grateful for my present partner, someone who has endured so much of my health issues and pain struggles yet remained by my side for over 10 years now, trusting and believing that I will get better, even when I’ve had a hard time believing it myself on many days.

And I’m grateful to God for having made all these things to be grateful for even possible.

So, on this Grateful Heart Monday, I choose to thank God all these things and all the things I didn’t list here yet are still upon my heart. After five decades of living, I truly have much to be thankful for, and know there will be more to be thankful for in the years to come. I pray that when my time finally comes, however many days, weeks, months, or years that is from now, that I leave this plane of existence still having a grateful heart, something I know is crucial to living a healthy spiritual life…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson