Author: Andrew Arthur Dawson

A teacher of meditation, a motivational speaker, a reader of numerology, and a writer by trade, Andrew Arthur Dawson is a spiritual man devoted to serving his Higher Power and bringing a lot more light and love into this world. This blog, www.thetwelfthstep.com is just one of those ways...

The Pain Filter

I often feel like the physical pain I regularly experience acts like a filter to the rest of the world that goes on around me. If you habitually deal with chronic pain on any level, then you probably already know what I mean by this, but if you don’t, let me explain.

Have you ever had the flu? Or some nasty virus that lasted for a short bit of time? Ever got a sinus infection that was overly painful? Or for simplistic purposes, what about a bad cold, ever got one of those? I’m sure that most of you can say yes to at least one of those and if so, then take a moment and remember how you truly felt the last time you were in the midst of any one of them.

I’d venture to say you probably didn’t like to be around others when it was going on. And I’m sure your patience level was much less with everyone and everything during those times too. Now continue to imagine yourself during your last sickness. Did you still go out to a movie, or take a stroll in nature, or dine at a restaurant, or hang out with friends, or do anything that might normally bring you some happiness when you’re not ill? If you did, I’d venture to say it was extremely challenging for you to enjoy, wasn’t it?

You see, that’s what makes it so hard for people like me who continue to deal with chronic pain. We can’t ever escape it; thus, we only have two choices. We can either remain in our homes becoming hermits or we can force ourselves to go out and attempt to do some of the things that normally would bring a person not in pain, a little happiness and joy. In my case, I have continued to do the latter, which seems to frequently go against what my mind actually wants these days, that being to remain a hermit.

Case in point, anytime I attend my men’s social group on Tuesday nights where everyone is usually laughing, joking, and connecting, I’m usually shifting uncomfortably in my seat over and over again in pain, missing out on so many of those jokes, failing to laugh, and feeling like I’m not even part of the group. That’s the pain filter I’m speaking of.

A few other good examples of this pain filter are when I go to the movies and keep having to get up and go to the bathroom or stretch, which only causes me to miss out on ever becoming fully engrossed in the film. Or when a group of friends choose to go dancing, bowling, or some other type of physical activity, where the best I can do if I go with them is watch from a bench while I ache. Or when I go to one of my many recovery meetings and fail to absorb most of what people are saying, instead hearing “blah blah blah” because I’m screaming inside my body over the level of pain I’m going through.

This is the pain filter I’m talking about and it’s like having the flu all the time. It disseminates most of the joy away from me, preventing me from ever really having a good time with anything. What’s even worse is when people tell me to smile when they see me out and about, while they themselves are living in a body that’s either medicated to numb their pain enough so that it doesn’t bother them or they’re not dealing with any pain at all. They have no concept of the pain filter I go through just to be present in the world.

Thus, I write this with the hope of providing a little education to people who aren’t having to deal with this pain filter, who don’t know what it feels like to go out and be social in the midst of having chronic pain. It’s not easy, and having fun, enjoying life, or experiencing happiness, sometimes feels next to impossible for us.

So, until you walk a day in our shoes, you’ll never truly know what the pain filter feels like, that is unless you choose to go out and be social the next time you get the flu or some other type of temporary illness. As I’m sure if you do, you’ll most likely then finally understand this pain filter we go through every day, just to step outside our homes and try to experience life like everyone else.

Try and remember that the next time you tell someone to smile at a social event who says they’re in pain, because that pain filter might not be so easy for them as it is for you. Instead, tell them you’re glad they’re there. Give them a hug. Stay away from offering advice. And really listen to what they’re going through. As there’s a good chance if you do that their pain filter might just get a little less, and they’re joy a little more…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

“While fellowshipping with others is an important part of life, it’s also equally as important to be alone and experience the freedom that comes from that solitude. As it’s in each of those moments where one becomes most able to distinguish their own Inner Voice from the rest of the voices in this world and it’s also where one is more apt to hear their Higher Power’s voice as well. And the more one begins to hear each of those, the more they will remember who they really are and why they are truly here…” (Andrew Arthur Dawson)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Blessings And Hindrances Of The Fellowship In Recovery

Recently I sat in an AA meeting where the topic was about the importance of fellowship in recovery. After sharing my own thoughts on the subject in that meeting, I decided to do the same here in my blog, seeing that others might be interested in my belief there are both blessings and hindrances to the fellowship.

Taking part in fellowship is generally an important piece of recovery from an addiction, especially for a newcomer. The reason for this is due to the lone wolf syndrome those most usually go through when active in their disease. What that refers to is how generally the only friend an addict frequently has is the substance of their addiction itself. Most of their friends are pushed away in favor of their addiction, thus when they finally come to the rooms of recovery, being alone is what they’re used and also what’s been one of their biggest driving forces to remain active in their disease. That’s why the fellowship is present in recovery for this very reason, to help people overcome that aloneness they experienced time and time again that made them want to use and stay numb. This is exactly why I sought the fellowship from the onset of me coming into the rooms of recovery.

Initially, it came from being a part of a home group, where I showed up early and left late, where I went out for coffees and dinners with other group members, where I participated in game nights and various other fun outings together. Later, it branched out to other things too, but in all of it, I didn’t feel that alone anymore, which in turn kept me from having the desire to act out during all those moments where I used to feel so lonely. And that’s precisely why the fellowship of recovery became a blessing to me. But unfortunately, it also became a hindrance when I went from being that lone wolf to constantly being busy with so many activities.

This hindrance I speak of was to my spiritual walk with God and with myself. You see, one of the most important parts of healing in recovery is also learning how to spend time alone as well, which makes this almost a dichotomy in of itself. While it’s important to have fellowship, it’s just as important to be alone because it’s in those moments where we not only learn how to like ourselves again, we also seen to receive much of our Higher Power’s guidance, direction, and wisdom.

But in time, I became so engrossed in the fellowship that I grew more and more disconnected to God and ultimately to myself as well. I became so involved with others that I stopped doing the things I liked to do and found myself really struggling to connect with God and know what God’s will was for me anymore. In other words, my inner pendulum had swung from one extreme, the lone wolf, to the other extreme, the overly social butterfly. After a lengthy period of time living like this, I actually began to fear being alone, which caused me to despise every moment I ended up spending by myself.

Eventually, all of this came to a head when I realized that neither extreme was a good one to exist in. Thankfully though, through a number of life circumstances that happened, that inner pendulum found a spot to land on that was more in the middle. I.E., I found balance.

Finding balance in life is key for one’s spiritual journey and these days, I believe I’ve found that by having both a good mix of fellowship and alone time. Now I have a few weekly standing social engagements with others that help me to stay connected. Yet, I also enjoy time alone working in the yard, taking a walk down to the lake, working on a puzzle, or just sitting in a room listening to some new age music.

Nevertheless, I’ve learned over time that fellowship in recovery has both its blessing and hindrances, but I’m grateful I’ve found a healthy balance with it along the way. Because in doing so, I’ve gained the joy of connection with others, as well as the joy of being alone with God and myself…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson