Author: Andrew Arthur Dawson

For active sex and love addicts, there is usually one thing that drives them the most in their disease. In my case, when mine was at its worst, which was just before I came to recovery for it, it was constantly the thrill of the chase.

Why I once liked the chase as much as I did was solely because it was one of the quickest ways to get my dopamine receptors going at full throttle. And just in case you’re wondering what kind of chasing I’m talking about, here are three of the most prominent examples from my old sex and love addiction playbook.

1. The chase of finding the juiciest piece of porn on the web.
2. The chase of seeking out the best individual on any given late evening to have a phone or cybersex based conversation with.
3. The chase of looking for the most unavailable person, like someone who was married and supposedly straight, hoping to lure them into a sex/love relationship.

What’s sad about the chase though in any of these examples was that as soon as the end result was ever achieved for me, boredom always set in at some point and when it did, I’d immediately start the next chase in some fashion. It was a constant vicious cycle that never had any end point, hence why I was once was so addicted to sex and love.

What’s even more difficult for so many sex and love addicts who love the thrill of the chase is what happens when they attempt to settle into a long-term monogamous relationship. At first, it’s not too hard because the thrill of the chase is even there when the courtship begins. But when all those gushy-gushy feelings and early-on romance dissipates and when the honeymoon phase is finally over, it’s then that the boredom generally settles in. And when it does, it usually proves to be the major triggering factor for a great number of relapses.

In each of my previous relationships that’s precisely what happened to me. Every time this boredom showed up, I’d frequently go to porn or cyber/phone sex to deal with it. Then I’d make excuses in my head that I wasn’t cheating because those behaviors weren’t physically being with someone else. Eventually all those relationships failed because of doing things like this and when they did, I always jumped right back into the thrill of the chase with someone or something else.

Things are vastly different for me these days with the almost five-year relationship I’ve been in. While I have experienced the boredom on many different occasions, I realize now that’s only coming from having lived in the thrill of the chase for over two decades. My mind is quite geared for living in that pattern, thus it’s going to take some time to deprogram it all.

I know I am doing the healthiest thing I can now, by not engaging in this pattern, as none of it was ever spiritually healthy for me nor did it lead anywhere except into despair and depression. That’s why I constantly thank God I’m not living in that thrill of the chase anymore, because if I was, I surely wouldn’t be writing these words right now and instead would probably be in a dopamine high that would only lead to a crash later…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I’ve known of plenty of people in recovery from alcohol and drugs over the years who’ve thought they had it made, that remaining sober was a piece of cake, and rarely had any concerns about relapsing. Except those very same people also hadn’t experienced any serious trials, tribulations, or sufferings during any of their recovery yet either, but when they did, many of them relapsed. So why is this?

The answer’s pretty simple.

When life is going well and everything seems to be going one’s way in recovery, there’s often no need, want, or desire to drink or drug. But when something painful happens to those very same people, one of the most common things to emerge is a desire to numb that pain somehow. At first, maybe not so much. But when those painful experiences begin to pile up, one after another, the ego starts screaming louder and louder by saying “I NEED SOMETHING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER DAMMIT AND I NEED IT NOW!”

For those who’ve lived a smooth recovery with no problems up to this point, suddenly, they’re thrust into a reality that recovery from alcohol and drugs maybe isn’t so easy. And sadly, for many of them, relapse and even death have occurred, even after having a good number of years of sobriety.

That’s why I tell people all the time in the recovery meetings I go to that the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction is always waiting around the corner doing pushups, ready for us to engage back into it. What often keeps it at bay though for those who do remain clean and sober the rest of their lives is staying humble and holding a belief that their disease is very much still alive and not gone forever.

Look, I got cocky once with my own recovery back in 2010-11. I spoke like I knew everything. I stopped helping others and backed off of meetings. And I became close-minded when it came to my sobriety. I honestly believed I had it all together. But I didn’t and because of it, I came far too close to relapsing and instead, attempted suicide.

So if you happen to be someone who’s been sober for any length of time and think that sobriety is a piece of cake, think again. Just because life may be smooth-sailing right now, for you doesn’t mean it always will be. I encourage you to never allow your ego to convince you that you’re never going to relapse. Because it’s having that type of attitude that will drive you right back to a drink or a drug, especially when those life storms come-a-blowing…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson