Category: A Spiritual Look At All Forms Of Entertainment…

There are many in this world who continue to believe that homosexuality is an abomination and a sin in the eyes of God. While I don’t believe it’s my place or anyone else’s for that matter, to ever try forcing any of them to see it differently, the same can’t often be said for them, especially when one of them is also a parent facing a child’s struggle with sexuality. As many of those parents frequently resort to sending their child off to gay conversion therapy programs with the sole hope it will remove the part of them that’s gay. This is the very premise of an eye-opening movie I recently saw in theaters titled “Boy Erased”.

Based upon a true story from Garrard Conley’s 2016 memoir of the same name, the film follows the life of Jared Eamons (Lucas Hedges), who is the son of a Baptist preacher, Marshall (Russell Crowe) and a Baptist mother, Nancy (Nicole Kidman). When a disturbing sexual event from his life catches up with him, Jared is directly confronted by his father and asked if “IT’S” true. When Jared finally admits his deepest, darkest secret to his parents, that he thinks of men, his father becomes immediately disturbed, so much so that he consults a few other pastors for help, both of which convince him to send his son off to a gay conversion therapy program. Once there, Jared witnesses the truth and many horrors of the program at the hands of chief therapist Victor Sykes (Joel Edgerton), including physical abuse, mental torture, shaming, and intimidation. While some remain in the program and privately admit they are just “playing the part”, others desperately try to remove the piece of themselves they’re constantly told is a disgrace to God. It is there where Jared will ultimately face himself and decide once and for all, is he truly gay and going to accept that’s how God made him, or is his thoughts of men really just some sick part of himself?

Sadly, some 700,000 children have been sent off to gay conversation therapy programs just like the one Jared Eamons took part in, many of whom became psychology worse because of it with some even eventually resorting to suicide, all to escape the pain inflicted upon them by both their families and the “therapy” forced upon them.

While my parents never attempted to force gay conversion therapy programs upon me, I have experienced first-hand quite a few ultra-conservative religious folks over the years attempting something similar. I’ve been repeatedly warned by them I’d never make it into Heaven if I remained a “practicing homosexual”. I’ve been informed by them my sexuality is a choice and that God didn’t create me in this way. I’ve been rejected from membership from a number of prominent churches in the process as well. And I’ve even in recent years been advised that my long-enduring health issues are nothing more than a punishment from God for being gay. After watching “Boy Erased”, I was actually grateful that the brain-washing attempts upon me over the years by ultra-conservatives wasn’t anything even close to what Jared Eamons went through.

What I found most sad about these types of programs after watching the film and reflecting upon my own personal experiences with those who attempted to “convert” me into what they believed was the only God-given way, is how many in this world have ended up permanently turning away from God because of it all. Far too many gay people I’ve met over the years seem to care less about God, all because of the constant message they’ve received that God hates gays.

Ultimately, I believe I was born gay and that God made me this way. I don’t believe God made a mistake with me, or anyone else for that matter, especially when it comes to one’s sexuality. And I wholeheartedly don’t believe that God called me to live a life of either celibacy or a life in a relationship with a woman I don’t have true feelings for. To arrive at this place of acceptance with myself and my sexuality took experiencing many moments of stillness in meditation and prayer. God eventually did answer, many years ago, leading me to understand that whomever I entered a relationship with, man or woman, I was only to love them with all my heart, mind, and soul, and that’s all that mattered.

Unfortunately, much of the world still believes otherwise and continues to send questioning youths and even adults off to places like gay conversion therapies or worse. The fact is, until everyone comes to realize that God loves and accepts everyone, regardless of their sexuality, and that a person’s sexuality is for them to decide and no one else, more and more people are going to feel rejected by God by the actions of ultra-religious conservatives forced upon them.

Thankfully, Jared Eamons survived what was forced upon him and was able to go on to share his story with the world in both a memoir and now a movie that is extremely eye-opening to the truths and many horrors of gay conversion therapies, so much so that I know I’ll be praying for some time to come for anyone who ever has had to endure them…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

I have seen plenty of movies over the years that have portrayed the demise of an active alcoholic or addict quite well, but rarely do they ever seem to show the painstaking efforts involved on their journey to get sober or the effects it has upon their family and loved ones. Thankfully though, one recent film titled “Beautiful Boy” actually does just that.

Based upon the true story of David Sheff (played by Steve Carrell) and his son Nic (played by Timothy Chalamet), “Beautiful Boy” tells the heart-aching story of an exceptionally gifted young teenage boy’s rapid descent into drug addiction and the agony it brings not only him, but also his father and family. From one relapse to the next, Nic finds himself in a vicious cycle that always befalls anyone who severely suffers from the deadly grips of drug addiction. Through all his lies and deception, promises that never get kept, a constant emotional instability, and even theft, Nic’s family experiences all too strongly, the sad plight of a drug addict and how powerless they truly are to ultimately stopping it. Yet, in the end, Nic’s story is also an inspiring one, one that finds him eventually discovering the path to recovery, but not before his and his family’s life gets completely unraveled into utter chaos.

My heart truly did ache while watching “Beautiful Boy”, mainly because I kept thinking this kid was going to die from this disease, given how low of a success rate there is with those who fall prey to drugs like he did (mainly Crystal Meth), and given the number of sponsees and friends I have personally lost to overdoses. In fact, just over four years ago now, I sponsored someone who was pretty close in age to when Nic was deep in his own drug addiction. Unfortunately, his story didn’t end like Nic’s, as he was one of those who continued to relapse until he eventually overdosed. Sadly, that’s often the case these days with many hard-core drug addicts. Nic was actually one of the lucky ones who somehow survived this disease and is now living to tell his hard-earned road to recovery.

I think the hardest part in watching Nic’s story play itself out on the big screen was in seeing how his family tried every possible tactic and level of support, hoping it would bring him into sobriety. But, that’s the biggest misconception that parents and loved ones often have of alcoholics and drug addicts in their lives. They think they can control it or cure it and sometimes are blamed so much so into believing they are the cause, yet none of which are true. The reality is that an addict is the only one at fault for their disease and is the only one who can ever bring themselves into sobriety and recovery. In the end, there is NOTHING anyone else can do to bring that about, no matter how much love, anger, tears, grief, guilt or manipulation gets expressed.

That being said, I recently became aware of a family who continues to spend countless money, hours, and anguish trying desperately to get their adult son into a life of recovery, yet in the process have been making themselves grow sick, weary and imbalanced. I only wish they would discover what Nic’s family discovered in “Beautiful Boy”, that being a 12-Step program called Al-Anon, which is specifically tailored for families and loved ones of addicts. In Al-Anon, one can find plenty of help, help in learning to cope with an addict, not help in trying to fix them, which isn’t possible. Thankfully, Nic’s family got that help and hopefully so will this other family as well.

Nevertheless, “Beautiful Boy” is an exceptional film that truly chronicles the full spectrum of drug addiction, on both the family and the addict themselves, through all the trials, tribulations, and suffering, to eventual healing and recovery for both. I highly recommend seeing this movie and hope it ends up getting recognized during the upcoming awards season.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Why is it that people always seem turn to alcohol for comfort in the movies when they are feeling sad? It’s something that’s bothered me ever since I found my way into sobriety and recovery. Don’t people know that alcohol is a depressant and only makes one’s despair even worse the more one consumes it?

Every time I watch a movie now and see someone get fired from a long-time job, or experience a death of a loved one, or go through a terrible break-up, or face any other difficult circumstance in life, I know it’s inevitable that I’m about to watch them head to some bar to get downright drunk or hang out with close friends who proceed to get them downright drunk or go home to get downright drunk all by themselves.

For what purpose does this serve?!

Frankly, getting downright drunk on alcohol only accomplishes one thing. It initially numbs the senses and helps to keep a person from having to face head-on whatever tragedy they’ve just experienced. But what I find is insane about this looking back on the number of times I did this behavior myself is how it never accomplished anything whatsoever, other than delaying my healing process of working through all that despair.

But even more important is the fact that during all those moments I was drowning my sorrows with booze, my sadness simply grew even stronger, and when I was done drowning all my sorrows with booze, the rebound effect usually felt even worse.

So, why does do so many people keep doing this then, when it really doesn’t help in any way to remove their pain? Because so long as people keep doing it, the movies are going to continue portraying it on screen.

Well, the sad reality is this. Most people when they experience any sort of tragedy or difficult circumstance of life that feels totally painful usually allow their ego to seek something to comfort them, rather than face it directly to begin the healing process.

Sometimes I think that’s why our world is so screwed up, because everyone keeps trying to numb the pain they experience from living life by using a bottle of booze or some other mode of comfort time and time and time again.

When my own trail of booze ended decades ago, I continued to numb myself from any of those difficult circumstances of life when they hit me by seeking sex, sweets, caffeine, casinos, relationships, and money. But none ever helped one bit. None helped to heal any of my pain that came from those difficult circumstances of life.

Sometimes I wonder if this is why I’m in so much pain now because instead of dealing with life on life’s terms without numbing myself, I kept piling it all up inside until one day, back in 2010, I opted to finally face it all head-on and boom, this wave of physical pain hit me as soon as I did. And now, as I heal from all those things I tried to hide from with all those modes of temporary comfort, I kick myself seeing how my body is having to go through a process I might never have had to go through if I had just faced it as it happened.

Nevertheless, maybe if people would just start facing their pain as it happens, instead of numbing it with a bottle of booze or some other numbing agent, they might avoid a lot more pain and heartache in the long run. And maybe the more people start doing this, the more I’ll have to stop seeing movies portray alcohol as they answer to all of life’s difficult circumstances…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson