Category: Daily Reflection

“People tend to get jealous of those they love when they get afraid someone else will make their loved one happier than they do.” (Andrew Arthur Dawson)

I’m amazed at how animals often duplicate some of our worst traits. Since adopting our two new female Calico cats, who we affectionately named Grace and Frankie, I’ve seen a negative behavior in Grace that I myself have demonstrated before.

While Grace most definitely has established herself as the alpha, deep down it’s overly obvious how deeply insecure she is, as she tends to get jealous quite easily. Showing any sort of attention to Frankie, Grace most assuredly will push her way into it and do her best to force Frankie out. When Frankie tries to have fun and do those things cats normally do to get attention, Grace usually attempts to butt her way in to distract my attention onto her. On some level, I guess you could say she seeks attention more than not and giving any of it to Frankie most definitely bothers her. She will even lay across both Chris and I’s laps at the same time, almost as if to say to Frankie our laps are for her only. So, to make sure I don’t leave Frankie out, I sometimes have to go into a separate room with just her and close the door for several hours to provide her my undivided attention that she deserves too. What Grace can’t seem to grasp is that I have enough love for the both of them to go around, but the more she demands my total attention due to her jealousy, and the more she tries to take it away from Frankie, the more I find myself avoiding her.

What’s ironic about all this, is how many friends, partners, family, and other loved ones throughout my life I’ve done the same thing to. One of the biggest was with my ex-partner Jerry. When I began to see him place more love to his friend Perry or to the bed and breakfast we owned together back then, the more I got jealous and acted out because of it. I’d say things or do things to keep him and Perry apart or to make him despise the B&B, but never to any success. All it led to was constant fights and our eventual break-up. Why? Because jealousy isn’t a healthy quality whatsoever.

It may seem attractive at first when someone expresses jealousy over something you’re doing, as it initially can show how much they care about you and your life. But the more their jealousy gets expressed towards you, the more it becomes unattractive, usually leading the person in the exact opposite direction that the jealous person wants.

Deep down a jealous individual does not accept themselves and is extremely insecure. They don’t feel their value is worth much so they tend to believe they’ll always lose those they love because others will seem a better option than them. Jealousy then ends up being the outer expression of the inner imbalance leading them to be alone over and over again. It’s a self-defeating trait. The solution to change all this is to foster more self-love, something I’m still working on. I’m just glad that the Universe provides simple reminders of things we can still work on in our lives, like through the eyes of my precious jealous cat Grace…

There is plenty of love in this world to go around, but I must first love myself enough to fully embrace what love others have to give. I pray my Higher Power will continue to help me love and accept myself just as I am, so that in turn I can appreciate the love I’m given and not feel the need to demand more through unhealthy behaviors like jealousy.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen.” (Matthew 6:5-6 NIV)

I recently attended a Sunday service at my best friend’s evangelical church while visiting him in Massachusetts. While I’m not one for organized religion, especially of the evangelical kind, I went mostly because I had agreed that if he attended the spiritual center I regularly attend in Toledo that I would attend his place of worship as well. And, during his last visit, he indeed kept his word, thus, when I visited him over Martin Luther King weekend, it was my turn to keep mine.

That morning, as I stood during each worship song the live band played in front of me, I watched as many in attendance raised either one hand or two into the air and boldly exclaim their love for Jesus more often than not. It was tough for me and I honestly felt rather uncomfortable, as I have in every single evangelical church I’ve ever been in attendance to in the past.

Why did I feel so uncomfortable? Because I’ve always felt that what Christ meant in Matthew 6, versus 5-6, is that prayer and praise isn’t ever meant to be showy. Rather, it’s meant to be humbler and done in private. And that’s the very thing I’ve done throughout all the moments of my life where I’ve done my best to pursue a deeper relationship with God.

Ironically, there have been many times in my own home, when I’m by myself, listening to music that moves my soul, in places like my shower, or kneeling at the foot of my bed, where I too have raised my hands and said “Praise Jesus”, where tears have flown from my eyes, where I’ve felt much closer to God because of it all. But, I’ve never really felt comfortable doing any of that whatsoever in any of the churches I’ve ever attended, even when the majority of those around me were doing it. I’ve even attempted at times to do it anyway when those around me were doing it, often simply to conform, hoping it made me feel something. You know, like when in Rome, do as the Romans do kind of thing? But, it’s never really worked for me, just as showy religion really never has worked for me either. Dancing in aisles, raising hands with others, shouting various praises for Christ at certain moments of worship, none of it has ever felt comfortable to me and on some level, has always felt rather contrived. What HAS felt natural to me though has typically come when I’ve been feeling totally frustrated and at my weakest, enduring all my hurt and pain by myself in various places of solitude. As it’s consistently been in each of those places, where I’ve always felt the closest to the Lord and never held back from showing that.

Look, I know it’s not my place to knock what may work for someone else who enjoys those evangelical praise and worship types of services. Because frankly, I believe there are many ways to interpret scripture from any book of faith, as I am in this case, where I personally believe that Christ always felt the closest to God through prayer and praise in only those deep moments of solitude, where He was at His most vulnerable and exposed, as I too have experienced in my own journey of faith.

Dear God, help me to always remember that prayer and praise is different for every individual and that all that ultimately matters is developing a closer relationship with You.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“The path to our destination is not always a straight one. We go down the wrong road, we get lost, we turn back. Maybe it doesn’t matter which road we embark on. Maybe what matters is that we embark.” (Barbara Hall)

I used to hike a lot, back before all my health issues became my everyday norm and when I did, I often liked doing it alone. With just me and God in nature, it was usually the perfect combination to helping me feel a lot better and generally more connected to Source. Whether it was hiking in parks, mountains, or on beaches, I simply enjoyed exploring. Sometimes in those nature-filled explorations, I’d veer off the main trails I was on and follow less marked ones mostly in the hopes of seeing something unique and special that most others wouldn’t. Typically, those deviations never amounted to much of anything other than hitting a dead-end or getting lost for a short period of time. But, as soon as I found my way back onto those main trails, I’d eventually get to see the special clearings and views that everyone else got to see as well. Recently, I found myself pondering all this and realized how much my hiking is quite symbolic to my life in general.

You see throughout my life, I’ve most definitely have wandered off the path I was meant to be from time to time, sometimes for longer periods than others, all in the hopes of discovering something better or something easier or something just different from all that mundaneness that life was bringing me. Sadly, the majority of those alternate paths I chose frequently landed me in addictions, toxic relationships, disappointing jobs, poor health and worse. And with each, I’d consistently see the Higher Path, my original path, was the best path all along and so I’d trudge my way back onto it with new lessons learned.

The fact remains, there are a lot of paths out there that may seem far more alluring and attractive than the one we’re on. But even if the majority of those other paths lead us into nothing more than greater pain and hardship, there’s Something that’s constantly there to guide us back onto the one that’s for our Highest Good.

While it’s true I probably won’t stay on my Highest Path 100% for the rest of my life and will most likely get lost on a few side trails from time to time looking for greater excitement or another easier, softer way, I’m just glad to know I can ALWAYS call on God to make my way back onto the path I’m meant to be on, because in the end, God ALWAYS has shown me the way.

Dear God, I know I’m not unique in that I tend to stray off the path I’m meant to be on from time to time. Please don’t ever let me remain lost for too long and thank you for the help I know you will forever freely give me to find my way back into Your arms.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson