Category: Daily Reflection

“We asked God to help us show the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, ‘This is a sick man/woman. How can I help him/her? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.’” (p. 67 Alcoholics Anonymous book)

Just about a week ago now I finished out a five-day trip to see my sister and her family. While there was much to be grateful for during that trip, which I’ll be writing about in my upcoming Grateful Heart Monday, there was also some great sadness, sadness I’ve come to realize I can’t change, because the majority of it isn’t my work.

What I continue to realize though is that my work is to let go of trying to control their situation and praying. Because of their ongoing family dynamics with a brother-in-law who for whatever his reasons truly struggles to embrace me and them with unconditional love and acceptance, I had to pray quite a bit during this visit so that I didn’t turn to anger. Anger that really wanted to surface when he returned into town and immediately ordered his family to change their plans they had with me so that he could be accommodated. Anger that really wanted to surface as I watched my sister cry over and over because of how he treated her as soon as he returned. Anger that really wanted to surface when he attempted to keep his twin sons at home to watch a football game with him while I waited at my hotel room for them. Anger that really wanted to surface with each of his repeated attempts to limit my family’s time with me. And anger that really wanted to surface in knowing he didn’t keep his promise about allowing this trip to be totally about my sister and his kids and me. But thankfully, other than a short outburst with my sister on the Saturday I was there that I did make amends for, my prayers helped to keep all that anger at bay.

Unfortunately, the sad reality I live in now though is that so long as my sister remains married to her husband in his current state of mind and body, I may never get to experience the true closeness and unconditional love I believe my family and I could share together. In the meantime, as Bill Wilson once said, I must look at my brother-in-law as a spiritually sick man, no different than how I have gotten whenever I’ve stopped doing my own recovery work on myself.

Nonetheless, how can I best help him on my recovering path? Sometimes the only solution is to stay away until God clears a healthier path, which I most certainly pray comes sooner than later, not necessarily for my sake, but more so for my sister and my nephews, who I know deserve to receive far more unconditional love and light than they are currently getting.

Dear God, I pray that you continue to help me release any anger I may hold towards those who keep on hurting the ones I love by their selfish actions. Help me to remember I have been spiritually sick as well at times in life and that it took me reaching out to you when I was ready, to become far more healthy. Amen.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“There is a time to provide advice and offering an opinion, and there is a time not to. Don’t be too quick to offer unsolicited advice. It certainly will not endear you to people.” (Harvey Mackay)

A friend of mine recently made some general comments that I felt were somewhat judgmental of me. When I told them so, they said that wasn’t their intention and that their comments were merely an observation. While the two of us have since worked this out, I wanted to express at least in writing, that in my book, all observations made without asking are no different than making judgments, as they’re nothing more than offering unsolicited advice and opinions.

Lately, it seems as if our country has a lot of unsolicited advice and opinions going around, which is causing a tremendous amount of conflict amongst each other, including between friends and loved ones. There are far too many hot topics out there now that seem to regularly provoke these “observations” being made and I’ve become quite sensitive to it all. Maybe that’s why I find myself keeping more to myself and maintaining a small circle of friends because honestly, the last thing I need in my life right now is another unsolicited opinion or any advice that makes me feel less than.

Constantly feeling less than was something I regularly felt as a kid due to having unhealthy parents who were mentally imbalanced alcoholics. I’ve worked pretty hard in recent years to shed that part of my past and any people from my life who seem to regularly cite out negative observations of me versus positive ones. With the past nine years of my life having been as difficult as they’ve been because of my health, what I truly desire these days is to be uplifted by others instead of having my flaws and shortcomings pointed out or telling me what one thinks I still need to work on.

Unfortunately, many people seem to thrive on offering their observations of others. Why? Because it’s a great way to shift the focus off of themselves. I’ve been guilty of this myself specifically when it comes to my partner. Many times, I’ve fallen prey to making observations of his overeating issues, where each have led to nothing more than arguments, negativity, and most definitely him feeling less than. That’s because each of my “observations” have never been asked for and instead were more about pleasing my ego than being a truly loving and supportive partner. I’m convinced that at the core of this behavior is nothing more than some deep-seated insecurities that my ego doesn’t want me to face, so it instead looks to shift that focus off of myself by making my negative “observations” of others like my partner.

The bottom line is that making an observation of another is really the same as making a judgment, offering an opinion or giving advice, and doing any of these without being asked often tends to lead to conflict. So, maybe a better solution might be to start praising and uplifting each other’s positive qualities, as maybe then we’ll start seeing ourselves and everyone else in a much brighter light.

Dear God, I know I’ve been prone to offering my observations of another without being asked. I can see how doing so is nothing more than making a judgment and offering unsolicited advice and opinions. Please help me become more mindful of that and instead be more apt to offer uplifting words and encouragement, something I think all of us on this planet need a lot more of right now in life…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” (Romans 8:25)

I’m amazed at how much gardening continues to teach me priceless spiritual lessons. Earlier this summer, I opted to move a very small perennial from one location to another in my gardens, mostly because it wasn’t getting enough sunlight nor did the soil conditions there feel best suited for it either. Unfortunately, hot summer days are definitely not the best time to transplant anything, yet I opted to do so anyway to make room for another perennial that felt more appropriate for the area. Sadly, during the process a big portion of the tiny plant’s root system broke off, which made me think I should just throw it away. I decided to transplant it anyway though because I had hope it might still survive somehow. Once I had it replanted, I prayed over it and gave it a little water. Over the next bunch of weeks, I watched as the newly located plant slowly lost any bit of life it had prior to the move no matter how much water and tender loving care I gave it. Eventually, all that remained was nothing but a dried-up, very gray-looking perennial. I was about to remove it from the ground and toss it into the garbage when a small voice within me said to give it till the spring to see if it truly had no life left in it. Ironically, the answer came much sooner, as just the other day I noticed while working in my gardens that there were a few new green leaves at the base of the plant.

I think life frequently mirrors my “little plant that could”. How often have I given up on something I’ve put lots of effort into before the roots of those efforts really had a chance to solidify? How often has my impatience prevented me from seeing miracles and blessings take place? The fact is, what I see with me eyes is not always what’s really going on below the surface. Waiting isn’t one of my strong suits and neither is trusting that God’s got everything under control, especially when I can’t seem to see it with my very own eyes.

So, maybe my little plant that I thought for sure was dead, was simply a gentle reminder from God reminding me that all is well, even if my eyes constantly try to convince me otherwise, especially when it comes to all my health issues. Maybe below the surface of me everything is and has been coming together exactly as it’s meant to all this time. And maybe, I just need to continue to hope for what I don’t have yet, and wait for it patiently, because one day it will sprout out of me when it’s meant to, just like my little plant did, even when I thought for sure it was down for the count.

Dear God, I’m sure I’ve often given up on You and myself with things before the miracle ever got a chance to come to fruition. That being said, I’d like to believe that all my efforts over the years to get healthier have been taking root within me all this time and that eventually the blessing of those efforts will spring forth. For now, I pray You help me to remain patient in what’s going on beneath my surface and trust that You’ve got this, as I’m sure you probably always have…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson