Category: Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another chapter of Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude is always the main focus of my writing. Today, I want to honor a nearby neighbor and all those like him who have life-limiting physical disabilities and disorders, but never let those disabilities and disorders stop them from living life.

Sometimes when I’m feeling sorry for myself because of having a high physical pain-filled day, I often find myself thinking of this young boy who lives a few doors over from me. If I had to guess, he’s probably around 15 years old or so, and from all the times I’ve seen him outside, I believe he has cerebral palsy, a neurological disorder that causes great difficulty in walking, bodily movements, muscle rigidity, permanent shortening of muscles, and problems with overall coordination. Yet, every week, he’s still outside cutting his grass, showing a fierce determination to complete the task, no matter how difficult it may be for him. I’ve personally watched him from afar with admiration at the energy I see coming off of him as he does his weekly chore. The look in his face tends to say it all, which is something along the lines of “I won’t let this condition beat me!!!” Ironically, it also appears that his lawnmower is not even the self-propelled type and for all those who cut the grass that utilize such a type of mower, they are heavy and hard to manipulate for even the healthiest of individual. That’s why it just amazes me seeing this kid strain at every movement of his body, pushing and pulling his mower around his yard with only one goal in mind, to keep living his life as best as he can.

My physical pains in life are nothing compared to what someone like this boy will go through having a disorder like cerebral palsy. Neither are they even close to the struggle’s others have battled with having disorders and conditions such as Parkinson’s, Multiple Sclerosis, Muscular Dystrophy, paralysis, and loss of one of more limbs. Yet, I’ve known individuals who’ve had those life-limiting conditions, that haven’t let them limit their life whatsoever.

One of my dear friends in fact has Parkinson’s, and recently after a very risky surgical procedure, they’ve regained some of their mobility, enough so that they have started planning their training for a 5K. That’s pretty inspirational if I must say, especially to someone like me who has been on the sidelines more than not from doing heavy physical activities like that for over a decade now because of my own health conditions.

So, as I mowed my lawn today, groaning through all the stiffness in my body due to the Fibromyalgia that’s still within me, I thought of my dear friend with Parkinson’s, I thought of my young neighbor with Cerebral Palsy, and I even thought of all those who have disorders or life conditions far worse and yet have pushed themselves to make it to something like the Special Olympics. It’s because of all of you that I continue to keep pushing my mower week in and week out, to keep going, one step at a time, both in my weekly chore, and in life in general. I’m truly grateful for all of you in this world who have a life-limiting condition, but have never let it stop you from living life to its fullest, which is why I’m happily dedicating today’s Grateful Heart Monday to each of you!

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Having a life of gratitude, something I’ve found is so crucial to maintaining a positive outlook in life, is the very reason why I began this Grateful Heart Monday series a good bit ago now. In light of that, what I’m most grateful for today is reconciliation that took place just recently with my dear friend Dexter.

Quite often, I’ve found on my sober journey that not all of my past addictive damage will get rectified even with any strong efforts I make to do so. Sometimes the damage I’ve caused upon another is permanent because the pain I inflicted upon them from selfish actions was just too great. Recently, I began to wonder if that was going to be the case with Dexter, which led me to having a ton of regrets about my addictive past and feeling a lot of shame because of it. So, I sat down one night and spent a few hours composing a heartfelt email, expressing an amends to Dexter, as well as letting him know how much I missed him. I had no expectation that he would even respond and frankly, I didn’t feel I deserved a response given all the ways I once treated him and given some of my recent actions surrounding his personal life that were me still being selfish. But, if there’s one thing I know I’m good at doing nowadays, it’s looking deep within myself and owning my shadows, my flaws, my shortcomings, and where I’ve been at fault, which I think Dexter truly felt in the email I sent him. Because I did get a response, which did lead to a phone call, which did lead to the beginning of reconciliation between us, something that really means more to me than I can put into words here.

Dexter has always been a very loyal, kind, and compassionate individual and is someone who stood by my side and unconditionally loved me when I didn’t do the same. We could have made an incredible couple if I hadn’t been so selfish and self-centered and caught up in addiction with another, focused mostly on pleasing my own needs, wants, and desires and often overlooking his. While I’ve always had deep feelings for Dexter, the life of an addict led me to be more in love with pleasing my addiction than him, especially in our early years of getting to know each other. I have often lived with regret because of this and have tried the best I can to forgive myself for the pain I caused him and for the loss of the partnership we should have had together. For years I tried to rectify this, but the pain I caused him made it very hard for him to forget the wounds I inflicted. Sadly, I made things even worse as the years went on by getting jealous of the times he explored new relationships with others. That jealousy came in the form of passive-aggressiveness and guilt trips that only drove an even stronger wedge between us. Thankfully, I finally saw the err of my ways and owned that in the email I sent him, which he felt both in it and in the subsequent phone call we had a few days later.

Losing Dexter permanently from my life would most definitely leave a gaping hole in my heart, like it has been with a few others who have chosen to not rekindle any connection with me. In all reality, as I said before, given how I acted over the years with Dexter overall, I actually more expected I was going to lose him too. But, Dexter is one of those rare individuals who have been willing to work through this and forgive me. So, I’m filled with gratitude today both for him giving me another chance and for God allowing this to happen, which is why I’m dedicating today’s Grateful Heart Monday to building a far healthier friendship this time around with a beautiful soul named Dexter.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another chapter of Grateful Heart Monday where I begin every week with inspiration that always comes from a single piece of gratitude, which for today is for a Bible passage from 2nd Timothy 4:7 that has kept me going for over ten years now and helped me to never give up.

First off, I feel the need to at least reiterate, like I usually do any time I utilize a Bible passage in my writing, that the Bible is just one of many inspirational books I’ve gained spiritual guidance and direction from in my life. I only say this because people often discount the Bible who aren’t Christian or have any type of spiritual beliefs, JUST AS MUCH as people who are Christian often discount plenty of other religious books and spiritual beliefs as well.

Either way, I once was told at a very young age that the Bible stood for “Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth” and somehow that’s stuck with me for over four decades now. Basic instructions, not complex, something I can truly relate to, and something that connected with me when I read 2^nd Timothy 4:7 in one of my daily devotionals the other day.

So, what is 2^nd Timothy 4:7?

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race. I have kept the faith.”

Since April 27^th, 2010, I have most definitely been fighting the good fight to keep going. That’s “the good fight” I feel this passage is talking about, the fight to keep running and not give up. As it was on April 27^th, 2010, that my life of constant health issues, severe pain, depression, loneliness, and an almost daily feeling of hopelessness began. After almost two years of doctors, medications, and a continual downward spiral when none of those things helped to alleviate any of my pain and suffering, I truly wanted to die. With no answers and no relief, I went deep into various addictions and attempted suicide. But, something greater than me, something I never have been quite able to quantify, and something that has kept me going even when I haven’t wanted to, kept me alive and became my only solution and thus began this good fight to not give up, NO MATTER WHAT.

Last week, I surpassed the ten-year mark of endurance. I can’t even begin to describe some of the anguish I’ve gone through over the past ten years, but if there’s one thing I can say has kept me going through the past eight years of it, is exactly what 2^nd Timothy 4:7 says…I have kept the faith.

Faith that God will see me through this. Faith that God has been there with me this entire time. Faith that has sustained me even through the worst of health and the worst of days. Faith in knowing a brighter day will come one day for me. And faith in my belief that God is far bigger than all of my health issues, all of my sorrow, and of all my frustrations with my life.

While I haven’t completed THIS race yet and while I’m sure there will be plenty of other races to run beyond this one, it’s this race that I’ve become the most grateful for. Grateful that I’ve developed a faith in something greater than anything my ego and self could ever do for me, something that has kept me alive and running even when I didn’t feel any energy left to keep going, and something that has somehow made me stronger, even when I’ve felt at my weakest. For this, I’m truly blessed and feel immense gratitude for such a simple passage in the Bible that moved my soul and provided inspiration for today’s Grateful Heart Monday entry.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson